tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49757154463372434782024-03-21T14:37:51.060-04:00Random EpiphanysDon't come here for a real epiphany... its not going to happen... You'll get to read me rant and rave, talk about people, and relay whats on my mind in the minor epiphanies I have... randomly
& I know i spelled Epiphanys wrong... Don't judge meSio M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07686777282773476362noreply@blogger.comBlogger364125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4975715446337243478.post-69461809027654151062014-09-28T00:27:00.000-04:002014-12-16T01:00:56.765-05:00All the little accents that make me a King...<!--?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8" standalone="no"?-->
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Those of you who have known me for some time, know that over a year ago I deleted my old Twitter/IG which had years of profanity and ratchetness and created KingSio_. I literally got messages <u>immediately</u> asking who I thought I was calling myself King. My females friends said it was birdish and made me sound like I wanted to be Beyonce. My male friends said I'd never get a man now since I'd intimidate them with that name. Even saw my old joint drop a sub on Twitter saying something along the lines of "you women wanna be men so bad". I laughed at them all. </span><div><font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, serif"><br></font></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk86w7bPlpt_rT2FvzUd2Y0812egencxwbHm2MQQU6qgbI1uFAz-V7po49sw2PBlrnpQgCLBiTXZrkiomFNBB_4JtsX0-sL9pv4cwX-u1gAjLhH5qm5FuvT6gFzpb58Fyqey1u_yUVs_w/s640/blogger-image--1496650840.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk86w7bPlpt_rT2FvzUd2Y0812egencxwbHm2MQQU6qgbI1uFAz-V7po49sw2PBlrnpQgCLBiTXZrkiomFNBB_4JtsX0-sL9pv4cwX-u1gAjLhH5qm5FuvT6gFzpb58Fyqey1u_yUVs_w/s640/blogger-image--1496650840.jpg"></font></a><font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, serif"><br></font>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br>I'm not gonna lie, Mrs. Carter was a minor inspiration. Not without meaning tho. She called herself that at the very beginning of her feminist movement. Taking a stand saying woman can do what men can do. Doesn't mean we will or want to. It's saying we want the opportunity.<br>
<br>"All we ever wanted was an opportunity... Lord knows!" - motivational speaker, Rick Ross<br>
<br>When I created King Sio I was inspired. I had just left a HerAgenda event on entrepreneurship and all I wanted to do was build my empire. Even if I had no idea what my empire was. It might have been my hair business, my event planning business, my family, my finances. I had no clue. What I did know was that it was mine. Me. Alone. I <strike>was</strike> am si<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">ngle and ruled my own thoughts decisions and actions<br>
<br><u>King</u>- <i>a person or thing preeminent in its class</i></span></span></span><br>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br></i>This was my first step toward putting myself first and stop living for other people. And KingSio_ was my subtle daily reminder that I'm the most preeminent thing in my life. </span><br>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br>Now to address this man thing. <strike>It really no one business but my own and they person I'm dating but</strike> I'm actually very submissive in relationships (and I don't see that as negative). I take on what people deem as "womanly" roles easily. Cooking, cleaning, and supporting. Especially if the man is very protective and has a natural provider instinct. And in all actuality, if my social media name is the sole/main deterrent from someone starting a relationship with me, then I'm not sure I want them. </span><br>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br>So does having my social media name containing King mean I'm not a Queen? No. I never thought that. A queen is ALWAYS defined as a woman or female. I'm undeniably that... <strike>Except maybe on days my fro is a little low and my I have no makeup on and a big hoodie. </strike> But a King has a few definitions where it doesnt have to me a man. Does it mean I think a King is better? No. I never thought that. Does it mean until someone is worthy to wear the crown of king , I will me the most preeminent person on my class, life, and empire? Yes. I've always thought that. </span><br>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br>Plus, King just flows better than Queen with Sio. *shrugs*</span></div><div><font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, serif"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNXHktSfkxDCKmoF7YA17TvMwbyhDt0G0vICkLpYEgWfmKChJOm3nP-ML-h4YyruTtY0tK7g_RIPLyRtIdMUnTmak9R-cDu8FQ7siVFI_7vZAhJFrBX1veEkwh0D4MwtvTevV8p98s7Gs/s640/blogger-image-1287809398.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNXHktSfkxDCKmoF7YA17TvMwbyhDt0G0vICkLpYEgWfmKChJOm3nP-ML-h4YyruTtY0tK7g_RIPLyRtIdMUnTmak9R-cDu8FQ7siVFI_7vZAhJFrBX1veEkwh0D4MwtvTevV8p98s7Gs/s640/blogger-image-1287809398.jpg"></a></div><br></font>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br>Sometimes, the King is a QUEEN.- Sio </span></div>Sio M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07686777282773476362noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4975715446337243478.post-16376701882699920662014-03-14T14:56:00.001-04:002014-03-14T14:56:23.636-04:00Was It My Personality or my P*ssy<span style="font-family: inherit;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">For years I have joked with my friend that I am going to
send a survey monkey link to my old joints to pinpoint exactly where I went
wrong. I am all about feedback and believe it's necessary for people to grow.
I've never had the "what was wrong with me convo" with anyone I took
serious because I always left them. But I was still the one hurt because they
seemed to not take me seriously back when things were active. So now as I
reflect… I realize… I have nothing to reflect on. So the main question that
arises...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Was it my personality
or my pussy?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the two has to
be the reason. But which one? And don't look at this post all crazy. You wonder
what about you is so horrible he doesn't want to stay. You ask your homegirls,
who of course have nothing for you because they are in "he ain't shit … your
two steps under Jesus amazing" mode, trying to boost your esteem and your
ego up. They are your friends and at this point you can do no wrong. But you
can't help letting your mind wander <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>in
the dead of the night, when you're listening to that playlist that has all your
bitter songs like Melanie Fiona "It Kills Me", Neyo "Let
Go" and Deborah Cox "We Can't be Friends" (Mine is Called
Waiting to Exhale... Don't act like you don't have one), you question your
personality. You question if you’re boring. You question if you’re not smart
enough. You question were you not caring enough. Your whole existence is put into
question! I don’t know a woman who has ever felt any hurt has not uttered the
question… “What is wrong with me?”</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi21l4LHL8xSQM9wBkIXbgIzAHVxIiSXWFXhN9Hb6VAz21lOWH6r5RSJD39S7VVW3R62Ul-90n0lYaUB9AoWgbpp97k4H1nbuOZbrg4cBV0akSech60-JwDi-GWPOxE-Uz4ZGAIn__ylso/s1600/date.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi21l4LHL8xSQM9wBkIXbgIzAHVxIiSXWFXhN9Hb6VAz21lOWH6r5RSJD39S7VVW3R62Ul-90n0lYaUB9AoWgbpp97k4H1nbuOZbrg4cBV0akSech60-JwDi-GWPOxE-Uz4ZGAIn__ylso/s1600/date.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Now, some of you may say no. I know I am a good person. I
have lots of friends and acquaintances, and I know I am a big ass ball of
positivity. Fuck him, cause it was NOT my personality. That brings us to the
second part of the question… Was it my pussy? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every female, no matter how bad, how flexible,
how yanking, has doubted her kootie kat. Missy Elliott ain't make " Pussycat"
for you to be fake. We are all family here. I have had men say they “can't
control” themselves around me, or that I have the elusive "badu box"
(they’ll say anything so I take that with a grain of salt). I can recall every
time a man underestimated my skills and the shocked look on his face. Again,
don't be fake like you don't smile (or screenshot) every time you get a text
that says "I didn't expect that". However, when you are sitting there
completely single, remembering the good times when you were quasi-single (shout
out to twitter for the new term), and wondering what about you wasn't enough to
make him stay, your undercarriage is always put into question. You say, "He
ain't shit, he trifling, he immature, he blah blah blah..." But deep (or
not so deep) in the back of your mind, you start to wonder if your love
triangle is to blame. When you see someone with their “amazing” relationship (that’s
in quotes cause you know on IG everyone has a perfection filter on *cues Drake ‘Cameras’…*)
and you are wondering (with the lowest of keys), how she got that man? Does she
have the Cirque du Soleil vagina? Is Harry Potter trying to figure out her
magic? You think fairy dust is spewing out of her love cave. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe she is missing a gag reflex… you assume
her pussy is on a pedestal that yours doesn’t have the strength to even attempt
to climb. There are reasons why video vixens like Melyssa Ford and Erica Mena
can have sex books on the national best sellers list. People (mainly woman) want
to know if there is some integral sex thing they are missing and everyone knows
but them and are too afraid to ask. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You
lose faith in pleasure tunnel.</span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-p8SvD4NSnTU/UyNQU71hpTI/AAAAAAAABc8/C94Kk0fMzuU/s1600/yankin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-p8SvD4NSnTU/UyNQU71hpTI/AAAAAAAABc8/C94Kk0fMzuU/s1600/yankin.jpg" height="135" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lady, artist behind "Yankin" song... She got a man doe....</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span> </div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Now, this is a very rare occasion on here. I actually have
the answer to this problem. Yes girl! I’m shocked too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ready for it? Ok…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Don’t take anything personally.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The Second of “The Four Agreements” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>by Don Miguel Ruiz that changed my life slowly
but surely. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Not.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Take.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Anything.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Personally.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Quick explanation of the Second Agreement:</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds…Taking things personally makes you easy prey for these predators, the black magicians. They can hook you easily with one little opinion and feed you whatever poison they want, and because you take it personally, you eat it up…</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But if you do not take it personally, you are immune in the middle of hell. Immunity in the middle of hell is the gift of this agreement"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sounds so simple, yet so difficult… but necessary. We have
no clue what really goes on in the minds of men. Shit, I’m not sure THEY know. You
could be so nice that Mother Teresa would look like the Grinch next to you, or
Jesus would rethink his celibacy because He knows what lies in your nether
regions, but if the person you like/love isn’t ready… then you still going to
be binge watching House of Cards in bed with a Seamless order for one. Nothing
about YOU is going to make THEM ready. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s
mental, not malicious. (Actually, some of it is malicious… those men are scum)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">And, I am not saying you are perfect… don’t get excited
mamita. I am saying stop worrying about what’s wrong with you based off of
someone else. If you are going to change, do it because of how you feel about
yourself. Live being the best you FOR you, and eventually, God willing, someone
will be ready to live that reality with you. That’s probably not the “answer”
you wanted but that’s what you’re getting. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re Welcome. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">And a fun fact- I literally giggled the whole time trying to
find different words to supplement pussy. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span>Sio M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07686777282773476362noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4975715446337243478.post-41012989866777006582014-01-05T16:56:00.001-05:002014-01-05T16:56:24.933-05:00Memoirs of a 28 year old<!--?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8" standalone="no"?-->
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I looked into my grandma's eyes and she said to me "I need you to hit the lotto, because I'm tired. I can't work anymore" she said it with a smile and as a joke.... But that killed me inside. This is the woman who made sure I went to etiquette class so no one would prejudge me. Who, when my absent minded mother was off in lala land, made sure I was still set in life. When I thought I wasn't going to be able to finish college cause I had too many loans, she paid cash so I could get that degree.</span><br />
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I'm 28. Actually this is my last day as 28. A few hours from 29. My last year of my 20’s and I look at the life I'm living and it's not at ALL like the life I thought I'd have. I thought I'd be married with a kid(s), living in an apartment in Westchester about to buy a home, working as a Marketing manager by now. Instead, I'm single, living with a roommate, and doing event planning. Granted, I'm blessed. But when you look at the day to day, and you see those Sallie Mae bills that make you contemplate the different ways you can chef up Ramen Noodles (I like adobo and Siracha), you think everyone living better than you and you just wonder where you went wrong.
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You didn't. Everyone is trying to grind out, everyone is trying to be better. Some people were blessed with talents, or recognition of their passion at early ages. I don't think anyone except for Oprah or Beyonce is where they want to be in life and even those heffas still pushing.
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We look at age and we expect more. We give each ourselves these false timelines based off of where others are (who are honestly aren’t just as good as them seem) and we depress ourselves. We discourage ourselves. We go from being our own biggest fan, to our worst critic. Our mindset becomes our biggest obstacle.
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I cried that night grandma said that to me. I cried rewriting these words. But, I didn’t let it hinder me. I use it as a positive driving force daily. When I wonder why I wake up and do what I do, I remember her face. Im not a creative, i don’t have a talent thats my “passion”. My passion is the people I love. Making them proud, and being there for them in any way possible. So if thats working my ass of at a 9-5 thats really a 9-9 so my grandma doesn’t have to worry about buying a dress for a church dance… ill do that with a smile.
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You are exactly where you are supposed to be on your journey. Dont let others show you how to live your life. </div>
Sio M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07686777282773476362noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4975715446337243478.post-3626245676160479962014-01-04T02:29:00.001-05:002014-01-04T02:55:07.858-05:00Blurred Lines<!--?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8" standalone="no"?-->
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I knew I fucked up when I watched him sleep and I smiled he was at peace next to me.</span><br />
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I knew I fucked up when in the middle of the night he put his arm around me, and I didn’t shy away. I actually nuzzled closer. I don’t cuddle. I hate it. I knew I fucked up.</div>
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But, to see the words, “I don’t want to lead you on” and feel my chest tighten, thats when I was SURE I fucked up.</div>
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"I don’t want to blurred lines”… I actually chuckled through tears at my text at the Robin Thicke reference. Wait…. tears. Why the fuck was I crying?</div>
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Not only was I crying, I was sobbing. In my grandmas bathroom. My waterproof eyeliner was no match for the stream of heavy tears mixed with salt and sadness. I looked in the mirror confused. I didn’t understand my own emotions. I didn’t understand why I was so hurt. I moved back and forth between rooms so my family wouldn’t get suspicious. I couldn’t fake like I saw something sad on TV. I was sobbing like there was a death. Shit, I felt like there was one.</div>
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I knew I fucked up.</div>
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I realized I loved this man one day randomly AFTER we stopped talking/dating/canoodling/whateva you young kids call it now. He was coming to brunch with me and some friends and he made me get out the car to hug him. When I got in his arms, it felt right. It felt like I was supposed to be there. It felt like love. Not the explosive Chris Brown/Rihanna love. I wasn’t IN love. It felt like the love that starts at your soul. The love that is the hardest to get rid of because it doest shock you. Its creeps up on you. Its builds within you slowly until its overcome you and you are just confused. </div>
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I was confused. </div>
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But here we were again, years later. A random rekindle went from a night, to a weekend, to days, to weeks, to months. Im buying groceries he likes cause I know he’ll be there within the next seven days. Im thinking about him in my decisions for the future because he’s been around on and off for 3 years, so I see no reason why he wouldn’t be there. No, he’s not my man, but I was cool with that.</div>
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“I was cool with no commitment. Wait, No, let me take that back. It was you, so I was with it”- Destiny Child ‘Is She The Reason’</div>
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We established what we were from jump. I understood and accepted that. All I ever wanted was him around consistently. So I figured this was cool. Im an adult. I can handle it. </div>
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I lied to myself.</div>
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I realized that sometimes, we settle for half of someone because its better than none. He did nothing wrong. I did nothing wrong. My feelings sucker punched me like Sharkeisha. I don’t hate him. My friends do, but I don’t. He cares but he didn’t lie. He didn’t disrespect me. I disrespected myself. I was cool giving my all to someone who was giving me his minimum. I was happy to just have him close. I convinced myself were were on the same page. But we weren’t. The lines were blurred more than my vision behind the tears of utter pain. Or maybe it was blurred because I had been drinking for days. </div>
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But what do you do when no one is wrong, only the situation is? What do you do when love isn't enough, but is damn sure is a lot? What do you do when your heart and your brain are fighting to the death and it shows in your face? You become selfish. You realize you deserve more. You don't want to be alone, but honestly, are you not alone? You're prolonging the inevitable. You have to realize you are worth more than scraps and find someone who can see that. It can be him, but thats going to take work. Hard work. You also have to realize its not your fault. Dont make anyone think you are a weak bitch. You had the capacity to love a human being despite not being in fairy tale conditions. You tried to be there for someone you thought deserved your love. I tried to love me enough for the both of us. Things is, that only sounds good on a Drake song. Jhene forgot how hard it is to love yourself just for you at times. Catchy ass lyric, unrealistic ass logic.</div>
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I was not insecure, but he gave me no security. For this I had to make the conscious effort to leave. Not because he was a horrible person, but because he was an amazing person. He was amazing, but he wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready either, but I was willing.</div>
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A man who isn’t ready to love, is a challenge. But a man who isn’t willing to love is suicide mission.</div>
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Sio M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07686777282773476362noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4975715446337243478.post-50132605218405135682013-10-28T00:13:00.000-04:002013-10-28T00:13:29.011-04:00ThrowBack<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/o2-SZPJ0wMs" width="420"></iframe><br />
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I promise ill be better tomorrow. But tonight...Sio M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07686777282773476362noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4975715446337243478.post-4319143628805608292013-10-28T00:00:00.004-04:002013-10-28T00:00:52.769-04:00Hi, I'm Misery. Welcome....<div class="MsoNormal">
“You just a nigga with good lipstick and laid hair”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That’s a direct quote from all of my homeboys. Still not
sure if it’s a compliment or not. But now… I’ve accepted it. Like I said I am
emo… but for the good. The stuff that impacts me negatively, I don’t say often.
Why burden people? That’s what this blog is here for. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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But do things get overwhelming like this for men too? I
can’t imagine they cry at the thought that the person they love won’t ever play
in their hair anymore.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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That to sleep, they need Xanax in the medicine cabinet to
replace their love that’s no longer in their bed.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That people literally say they can see the weight of the
world on their shoulders when all I want is his weight on me. Period.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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That they feel delusional calling what we do making love
cause their not sure if the love is mutual.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They don’t wake up to tear soaked body pillows.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They don’t miss train stops trying to hold back tears
because “our” song came on but they couldn’t bring themselves to go to the next
song. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That Jack Daniels is their permanent rebound love.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They never dreamed of someone’s touch and woke up to a pain
in their heart so deep it felt like a heart attack.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The energy it takes to put on a convincing fake smile feels
like it could power an apartment. The time spent hitting “load more message”
and re-reading old conversations because new ones aren’t happening, probably
could rebuild the Great Wall of China. Men don’t seem like they deal with that…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But then again… Look at Drake.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><u>Note - Sorry if this post put you in your feelings. Misery loves company. </u></i></b></div>
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Sio M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07686777282773476362noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4975715446337243478.post-3465825097539589032013-10-27T22:52:00.001-04:002013-10-27T22:52:50.022-04:00Don't call it a Comeback... Though it kind of is....<div class="MsoNormal">
When I started Random Epiphanys in 2010, it was my escape.
It was a way to get my feelings out. It then turned solely about relationships
and when I was sad and needed to vent. I felt like a pussy. I realized earlier
this year I didn’t want to do that. I was in such a good space and I wanted to
share that with everyone. That’s when I also realized I had nothing to write.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Not that all my life is a Drake album, its just that I spoke
about the good things. I’m not a quiet person. This blog isn’t what I hide
behind to be my true self. I’m vocal and outspoken. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
About the good. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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About the positive. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I’m emotional, but good emotions. The bad ones… not so much.
The thing I loved about my blog was it was my homegirl when my real life
homegirls were busy. Or when I needed to makes sense of my own feelings and I
could see it face to face.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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So now I find myself upset…. And I find myself here. And I realize
I ran back here like this was an old familiar joint. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Yea, this was random. Call it an epiphany. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Sio M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07686777282773476362noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4975715446337243478.post-46582422136189619542013-07-02T01:42:00.000-04:002013-07-02T01:42:19.039-04:00Jades Are A Girl's Best Friend<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I hate the word bitter. It’s what I never wanted to be. I still have hope for love and relationships, just not for my own. I think it’s me. The sex is always good, but the emotions.... not so much. </span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I treat love like colds. When I feel it coming on, I do anything to prevent it. Maybe I push men away, but sometimes I think I never let them get close enough in the first place. I don’t have the “one that got away” because they never really was here. </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">I still don’t know whose fault is that. But I’m starting to think its mine. I don’t think </span></span>I'm<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> bitter though. </span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; letter-spacing: 0px;">Bitter is defined as </span><span style="font-family: inherit; letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: white;">characterized by intense antagonism or </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit; letter-spacing: 0px;">hostility.</span><span style="font-family: inherit; letter-spacing: 0px;"> I been using the word jaded. It sounds prettier. Jaded is defined as dulled or satiated by overindulgence… or my favorite one “worn out wearied out, as by over work or overuse”. I think my love has been wearied. It needs a rest. 8 years of loving so hard you got so tired just kissing the person it felt like you had ran a marathon. Then putting fear aside to care about another who let the same fears you overcame, overcome your relationship… what else can you be but weary?</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I stay up some nights thinking about the feeling of love, how I miss it. I wonder if what I miss was even a real reference since I never knew the person I loved. I could be clueless on all matters of the heart. Maybe that’s why it’s heavy now. It has so much in it that I refuse to let out. I may not be able to stop the outpour. Scared to see what’s been locked up in those 4 chambers for the past two and a half years. Every time I start to open the doors a bit, someone does something that slams it closed… and the pain feel like my finger was in the frame. Every time I start to let someone in, I want to tell them please don’t leave, but I’ve seen from other people, that’s what usually makes them go the quickest. I hate when #he looks at me and I feel he can see my soul, not because I’m afraid of what he'll see… mainly because I don’t know myself and I want to know what’s in there. But then, maybe he sees nothing, just two big brown empty circles. </span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Maybe that’s what scares me the most.</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><br /></span></div>
Sio M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07686777282773476362noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4975715446337243478.post-44425162962252538282013-07-02T00:53:00.001-04:002013-07-02T00:53:26.335-04:00Pour it Up...<br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">When you've been off and on with someone for years, and then you blink your eyes, and they are giving all of what you fought for to someone who hasn't struggled for it... theres a deeper level of hurt there. Its not that you cheated, or we didn't work.. “Its why wasn't I good enough?” You doubt your every move. </span></span><br />
<div style="min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Was I not pretty enough, smart enough?”</span></span><br />
<div style="min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Did I not cook well enough?”</span></span><br />
<div style="min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Was my sex not pleasing enough?”</span></span><br />
<div style="min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Why when she walks in the room, you look at her like how I look at you?”</span></span><br />
<div style="min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Why was I good enough for your dick but she was worthy of your heart?”</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">This isn't bitter, but how can you be happy for someone when they didn't even consider your feelings? Inadequacy takes up too much room for joy to fit in. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">So now, you're in your room drinking honey jack, watching love jones, hoping for a miracle. Hoping he texts so you can go off. Every buzz you just know its him and you have the whole conversation planned out. You got points in your notes app and its. about. to. go. down.</span></span><br />
<div style="min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">But it isn't him. He isn't texting. Because he's happy. Home living his life, while your just reliving yours. Reliving the moments you WERE happy. Reliving the happy times because the bad ones aren't important now that you're alone. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Im petty. Ill never deny it. I want to be happy for him but how can I when he made promise to me that he kept for her? He’s posting lines to songs under their pics on social media that he used to hum in my ear while we were in bed. Im supposed to forget that cause he did? My feelings supposed to change cause his facebook relationship status did?</span></span><br />
<div style="min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Now you and your homegirls are saying things like “ I heard the ones with the best sex never get wifed..” and you reply “Makes sense why Im single” and share a good laugh, but each giggle aches at your heart... because your still searching for answers you'll never get. You can try. You can corner him and demand answers. You'll probably end up more hurt than before the conversation <strike>or naked</strike>. He’ll probably say something that makes you think he really cares about you and theres hope for y'all yet. Then he post an IG pic up and your back to square one.</span></span><br />
<div style="min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sounds familiar? Cause thats the story every time in some variation.</span></span><br />
<div style="min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Theres no answer here. No epiphany. Sorry. I just turn up the TV, turn off the phone, and refill my drink.</span></span><br />
<div style="min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></span></div>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Cheers. </span></span><br />
Sio M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07686777282773476362noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4975715446337243478.post-10128227647746073542013-05-22T13:33:00.001-04:002013-05-22T13:43:32.459-04:00Little Wayne- The Prophet...<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I got comfortable, and then I got a reality check.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Things have been going so good in my life. Like really good.
Personally I wake up and thank the Lord for the life He has provided me with. A
few people have told me that they could see the change… and I was ecstatic. I
worked so hard. I <em><u>deserved</u></em> this. So, for my mental sanity… I slowed my life
down a bit. I got a little comfy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<em><span style="font-family: inherit;">Disclaimer- I been a Wayne fan since 2004. He talks about of
shit, but when you really, he spit some life lessons. Best one yet, “Don’t ever
get too comfortable”</span></em></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQnOFSEa_-kMGlx6UoR3vNXUQ8TjqqeM8Al_sLKzAxFFRP0eJi-b57mS9OtbjriJm4dX2QvvT1Mm9zGjIuDZYWd8kI2VwEj_J6PfXeBjC83lAo9_yZJVl_y_WR5q_3Kt_T5UwQJ9t79Oc/s1600/lil-wayne-face-neck-tattoo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="158" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQnOFSEa_-kMGlx6UoR3vNXUQ8TjqqeM8Al_sLKzAxFFRP0eJi-b57mS9OtbjriJm4dX2QvvT1Mm9zGjIuDZYWd8kI2VwEj_J6PfXeBjC83lAo9_yZJVl_y_WR5q_3Kt_T5UwQJ9t79Oc/s200/lil-wayne-face-neck-tattoo.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<em><span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p></o:p></span></em> </div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I was in a staff meeting. I thought I was doing well. I didn’t
want to be the pushy new know it all employees. I asked a question, and it started
a conversation. I thought it went well over all. Then, in a one on one with my
supervisor, she said one of our upper management said during the meeting I was
demur, and “didn’t exude confidence”. Wait… what? I was present and engaged.
She said I was slumped over, like I was not happy to be there. In my head I
said “<strong>Bitch, I got scoliosis</strong>”. However, I just replied, “Well that is definitely
not the image I want to portray, I will make sure to work on that.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">In my head I’m like the manager is this mousey little heffa
who really doesn’t know me. Let me get it together when she is around. I mean…
I am not going to lie, I’m not the most confident but I KNOW she can’t see that…
Tuh.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Backtrack to my post a few weeks ago, about the Dove video
and people perception of themselves versus others. One of the most
unconsciously motivating people in my life, Dunni Dollaz, sent it to me then
yelled at me about the way I have been talking myself down. And when she tells
you about yourself… she goes for the jugular. I had no choice but to listen. I
promised myself I would do better; stop speaking the “<em>bottomness</em>” into existence
even if I was joking. Words hold power because they are written and spoken
with energy… and when that energy is in the universe, there is no take backs…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><em></em></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><em>Now its story time</em>- My old joint randomly texts me about K.
Michelle and Love and Hop Hop. We always used to watch it “together” and text
each other back and forth or be on the phone while it was on. We haven’t spoken
in months really except a text here and there so I was shocked about this
random full fledged text convo. But I guess ratchetness can bring people together. Anywhoot, the
covno kind of drifts on us <strike>as it always does</strike> and he compliment me. I was
taken aback but someone <strike>a lot of someones</strike> told me I don’t know how to recieve compliments well… so I responded
as positive as I could in an effort to be a better person. I said, “that was a surprise… but thank you. I never
knew you thought that and I appreciate it”… </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">He. Went. Off... Yes, like… Spazzed.
Said I was too busy calling myself bottom to hear him. That he hated when I said
that… used to beg our mutual friend to speak to me about it. I was like <strong>o_O</strong>. Why all the Africans in my life going off? Lol... I
asked him why he never mentioned it… he said he did… I just refused to listen.
Now he isn’t a confrontational person, so the fact he went off like that was a
slap in the face. Not that he disrespected me, but <em>I have been disrespecting
myself</em>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">So, whats the point of this post? Did I just type this to
waste time in this meeting I’m in, or give you something other than the YBF or
media take out to read? Nope. Well, yea… but there is more. LOL. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I’m doing a challenge and I encourage all to create your own;
I have already started to work on doing things to build my confidence. Taking
some public speaking courses (those can never hurt), as well as finally
embracing my Rican and taking Spanish language course (que bonita bandera…). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">This last challenge I thought of today is the hard one tho.
I hate taking pictures… most pictures I have my friends force me to take. I
never have a photo shoot on my own. Usually, I don’t think I’m even looking
photo prepared. Not that I think I’m ugly, just not so beautiful that I need to
take a pictures all the time. Well, that’s going to change.Im forcing myself to
face… myself. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am going to take a
picture of myself every day. Whether I am made up or not. I’m not sure where or
with whom I am going to share it with but I will show someone to hold myself
accountable. This will be my way of evaluating if I like the way I look and if
I didn’t, why didn’t I put in the effort to change it. It’s easy complaining
and calling yourself bottom, but what are you doing about it? If nothing, you haven’t
earned the right to complain. I own over 50 lip colors, right now I have on
blistex. I have no excuse except that I have no motivation… well, this
challenge is it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I really want everyone to be great. Look at what you don’t like
and change it. Complaining shouldn’t be your first resolution, because it
solves nothing. This isn’t about people perception of you; this is about the perception
of yourself. Your energy. Yes, it’s nice for other to see it too, but no amount
of make-up, or designer clothes, or good posture can hide when you feel ugly
inside.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It was nice while it lasted… *watches step as I exit out the
comfort zone*<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span>Sio M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07686777282773476362noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4975715446337243478.post-25626447580755699212013-05-22T08:42:00.001-04:002013-05-22T08:42:23.404-04:00We Fall Down, But<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuL6mKNvLszM9oXbsvNv904hDo7yEQDCapYW7mhmNXhWtvBaDePYxI3jb1-a_9rvSZ79parqzos5Qlpzh8Zl0FVOR0ypN7Taw6uFRCqp9qXx3nL4NMXuAQ7i23cNf9bugYyEN1gBq_IpM/s640/blogger-image-680858713.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuL6mKNvLszM9oXbsvNv904hDo7yEQDCapYW7mhmNXhWtvBaDePYxI3jb1-a_9rvSZ79parqzos5Qlpzh8Zl0FVOR0ypN7Taw6uFRCqp9qXx3nL4NMXuAQ7i23cNf9bugYyEN1gBq_IpM/s640/blogger-image-680858713.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Not my words... But definitely my thoughts. </div>Sio M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07686777282773476362noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4975715446337243478.post-55318702439173118252013-05-17T11:20:00.001-04:002013-05-17T11:21:25.402-04:00Turn The Radio Off. <span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">So, something you may not know about me…. I was a Girl Scout.
What, you couldn’t tell? I am efficient as hell. I mean, I only got like two
badges and my family was the only ones who bought the cookies, but I definitely
learned some stuff! ANYWHOOT, not the point… one of the Girl Scout songs we
used to sing were “Make new friends, but keep the old. Some are silver but the
others are gold.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Clearly Drake wasn’t a Girl Scout. I love me some Drake but
this “No New Friends” song is going to have people messed up and confused. Especially
people who aren’t looking at the bigger picture.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Let me break it down:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Drake is a millionaire. We buy his albums, we texts our old
joints to Girls Love Beyoncé, we’ve done the Drake shakey hand to at least one
song. We KNOW Drake has money. Of course he doesn’t <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">need</b> any new friends, they probably trying to get him to pay off
his school loan. But, you think he grew up with Lil Wayne and Nicki Minaj?
There will never be a #ThrowbackThursday and you see him put up a 3<span style="font-size: small;"><sup>rd</sup>
grade class picture with the board of your teachers name that someone holds in
the middle, and little Dwayne Carter Jr. And Onika Maraj gonna be in overalls
smiling next to a toothless Aubrey. No, he met them after he got put on. They
had similar interests, they grinded together, and probably opened up to one
another… and guess what? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">They. Became. Friends. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I have friends that I have had since kindergarten. Quite a
few actually. 22+ years of CLOSE friendship, not I been known her since 87 but
we haven’t spoken since 97 type thing. I love them to death (most likely yours
if you mess with them). But, as we got older, and developed into the adults we
were supposed to become, we went down different paths. Friends that are
married, friends that have never heard a Future song, friends that don’t watch
Love and Hip Hop, friends that don’t drink.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Friends that hate interacting with people or who never have step foot in
a Mac store. We have a lot NOT in common. So, as you immerse yourself in the
things you love, you interact with people with similar interest, connect, and
then… you stop calling because Drake said to stay loyal to your old friends and
you stay home and watch reruns of Martin alone eating ice cream? NO! You
cultivate, you bond, and you build.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Then you have the friends from kindergarten who no matter
how much you try, you weren’t meant to grow old together. You try to love them
but you spirits don’t mesh. And I’m all about a spirit girl. Some people you
are just drawn to. Conversations flow, you sync. Something just clicks and
every conversation just uplifts you, even if you have a conflict. And some
people, it’s a chore to talk to. You never feel better talking to them… your spirit
just doesn’t take to them anymore. There is always drama, an issue, or
negativity. It’s draining. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, you’d be
trifling if you just cut your friend off, right? If you distance yourself for
you mental wellbeing because she fought that girl for you in 15 years ago, that’s
not being loyal to your “friend”, right?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Someone said on twitter <strong><em>“No new friends, but what if you outgrow the
old?” </em></strong>Man Listen...</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I think that people take loyalty in the wrong context. This
is mainly because of balance. They do not know how to balance friends
efficiently. It comes to a point that people wonder if you’ve had any friends
before this new set. They get so excited with the new people they meet; they
neglect the ones that have been holding them down for years. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kind of like a new album. You’ve had The 20/20
Experience on rotate… Whens the last time you listened to Future Sex/Love
Sounds? I might as well change this blog to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Balance
Epiphanys</i> because I think that is literally the core of all happiness. Once
you learn to create and maintain a balance in your life, you’ve reached
Nirvana. I would hate for someone to stay my friend because they felt they had
to stay loyal but I burden them. I’d rather they move on grow and be the best
they can. There is a thin line between loyalty and stupidity, and resentment is
real. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d rather we part on civil terms
that I can still support and love you from afar, than a dramatic scenes that
causes animosity <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>that resulted from anger
building up from trying to stay loyal.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And let me not be fake, I’m guilty of the imbalance. I’ve
neglected old friends for new. At one point I <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">avoided</b> old friends because I didn’t want to be reminded of my old
life. I wanted to become a new person and live a new and better life. During
this time, I’ve met some amazing people. I’ve met one of my closes t friends in
the last year and a half. She’s help me grow into a different person, a better
person, who is more sure and confident.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve
met people who inspire me and motivate me, by their actions and presence, and I
have to admit I’m blessed. But not everyone can be my little care bear.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is what I had to
learn, not everyone that’s new is better. “<em>Some are silver but the others are
gold</em>”. When I realized running from my past, instead of learning from it, was
not the answer, I stood still. I had a seat, and let my heart and mind sync
back. I saw how fake some of the people i had befriended really were. People who feigned support, not because they were
concerned, because they were curios. I met people who have no intention of moving
forward. I meet sociopaths. I met <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>reality</u></i></b>. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tell people all the time, even with baby
steps, you’re still moving forward. I should add,” If you’re going in circles,
even if you’re running, you’re just going nowhere fast.” Not everyone has to be
your “friend”. Some people can be contacts. Associates. Use each other to
advance, professionally. Some people have roles in your life, and not all are permanent,
and not all are supposed to be personal. It’s only fake when you don’t make that
clear. When you pretend to be a friend for advancement. When you’re deceitful and
dishonest for personal gain. When you’re not genuine. When you encounter those
people… please feel free to turn that mother effin Drake all the way up!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i>I semi ranted, but let me bring it all
together. I don’t believe in the “I’m too old to make friends” or “No new
friends”. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I believe the Lord has a plan
and a path and because we don’t know who plays what part in our journey. I believe everything happens for a reason, even if that reason is wisdom. I won’t
block my blessings because an unfamiliar face might be delivering them. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I won’t assume you have my best interest
at heart because you knew me when I was rocking LA Gears. I won’t turn people
away because I don’t want to seem disloyal, but I won’t ignore the people who
were there for me through thick and thin. The people I hold dear and consider
my adopted family (<em>new or old</em>), weren’t there when the smoke cleared… <strong>they
grabbed my hand helped pull me out the fire</strong>. And I got them… No matter what Drake
says. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Scout's honor. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span>Sio M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07686777282773476362noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4975715446337243478.post-59066140134949406952013-05-07T22:11:00.000-04:002013-05-26T00:23:06.372-04:00If you liked it then you should have put a Pin on it...<!--?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8" standalone="no"?-->
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Last week on twitter, I went on a mini rant about the new CrockPot I picked up and how I was about to go crazy because I saw so many great recipes on Pinterest that i want to try immediately. I then got a barrage of questions and comments in my mentions and inbox about it. "I have a Pinterest but how are you finding recipes on it." "I never really used Pinterest " or even "What is Pinterest?"</span><br>
<div style="font-family: Arial;">
<br></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial;">
I want to say I'm shocked but I am not. There was an article that came out the other day saying that Pinterest was the least used social media by the African Americans. You can see that <a href="http://www.atlnightspots.com/study-black-people-prefer-twitter-white-people-prefer-pinterest/">here</a>. Basically, because of the lack of interaction (commenting, @'ing and messaging), black people have no interest in Pinterest.
</div>
<div style="font-family: Arial;">
<br></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial;">
I thought this was so sad. Pinterest has been on of the best things to happen to me since Google! And y'all know I'm the Google Queen. But black people haven't gotten into it. So I decided to do a quick post on a Pinterest tutorial. So, even if you decide not to partake, you know the greatness that is Pinterest.
</div>
<div style="font-family: Arial;">
<br></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial;">
<b>First- What is Pinterest?
</b></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial;">
<br></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial;">
<a href="http://pinterest.com/">Pinterest</a> is a social media forum (yes it's socially media because people join and share) that allows people to put a pin on things that interest them. Pin + Interest = Pinterest... get it ? </div>
<div style="font-family: Arial;">
<br></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial;">
<b>What can you find on Pinterest?</b>
</div>
<div style="font-family: Arial;">
<br></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial;">
There are a plethora of categories you can look through if you are looking for ideas, you can also search for specific people, places, things, or topics.
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<b>You have things you found interest you, now what?</b>
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You also can create boards... So you can sort your pins by topics your most interested in. My boards include Health and Beauty, Random, Food, and Inspiration. You can also create group boards so if you have an event coming up ( like a wedding or party) you can share pins and bounce ideas off of each other. You also have the option of creating private boards that only you ( or anyone you grant access to) can see... So private things can be pinned too and no one would be the wiser!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>Can I only pin things from Pinterest?</b>
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Nope, if you see something on the Internet, many sites have the red "pin it" button that allows you to pin and share on the site.
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<b>So, wait... Why is this so dope again?
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If your still wondering what's so dope about this site ( I really can't understand why you would be) let me give you an example... So I bought my CrockPot (yes I'm still talking about it). I typed in "slow cooker" in the search engine on Pinterest. THOUSANDS of recipes came up. I was amazed. And because their pictures unlike google, you can look ad see what you interested in versus reading it ( I love visuals). I learned not only can I make these easy meals, but I can make hot drinks like egg nog latte, which I love... And bake bread. Yes there was a recipe to bake bread in a slow cooker. Who knew!?!?!?
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Also, with pinning on the boards, you can see something and basically have a place to store it. How many times have you seen something online that was investing but got distracted and when you tried to look at it later, could not remember where you saw it or what it was entirely about?
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">One of the best things I think was when Oprah ( all hail the queen) started using Pinterest for vision boards. If you don't know what vision boards are...<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"> </span></span><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;"><i style="background-color: black;"><span style="line-height: 21px;">A </span><b style="line-height: 21px;">vision board</b><span style="line-height: 21px;"> is a tool used to help clarify, concentrate and maintain focus on a specific life goal. Literally, a vision board is any sort of board on which you display images that represent whatever you want to be, do or have in your life</span>. </i></span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">I </span>am a strong advocate for vision boards . Waking up every day last year and seeing what I wanted on some oak tag got me going every day until I reached my short term goals. Some people don't have the time to sit down and cut out pictures and magazine clippings... Plus this is 2013. This is much easier, and thorough. And I'm all for anything that's fun and can make you a better person.
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Hopefully this was helpful. Follow me on Pinterest or on Twitter @KingSio_ to see my pins or hit me with any questions!
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Happy Pinning! </div>
Sio M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07686777282773476362noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4975715446337243478.post-19197322061814393452013-04-17T01:44:00.001-04:002013-04-17T01:44:59.960-04:00Watch this video if you don't think you're beautiful<a href="http://on-msn.com/13btajK#scptm27">Watch this video if you don't think you're beautiful</a><br />
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This is what one of my most respected friends sends me after she chewed my ass open for calling myself the ugly friend on Instagram. She said someone sent it to her as we were speaking and she wanted to share.<br />
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PLEASE watch it. I shed a tear... But Im a thug so it could have been a high pollen count.<br />
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I dont think you understand how this hit me. Not just for me but because I have heard my friends describe themselves and I look at them like they crazy. Like, are you buying those shaky mirrors from the 99 cent store that makes your reflection look crazy?<br />
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If I had to describe myself right now, Id probably describe myself as a taller darker version of Quasi Moto. Lmao. I don't think I am ugly, its just I see my imperfections clearer than most. Just as ANY person does.<br />
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However, seeing this video was heart wrenching. So many women view themselves in such a negative light that their actual image of themselves is a permanent skew.<br />
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So that brings me back to my friend cursing me out. I love my friends. They do not sugar coat things and i appreciate that... Diabetes run in my family and aint nobody got time for that. I want it straight like a shot. That doesn't mean ill agree or just accept their opinions, but I don't want it any other way...<br />
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So, I joke around and put under twitter pics that I'm the bottom friend and I'm the ugly friend. These are jokes. I don't think I am ugly. However, I believe my friends are exceptionally gorgeous. Like illuminati gorgeous. And they are smart and hard working. They are just all around amazing. When we go out, guys <strike>and some girls</strike> flock to them. Im in the corner being regular, so I joke around and call myself the ugly friend. Key word: Joke<br />
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However, this post isn't to defend my actions, it to publicly acknowledge their poison. I am speaking it into existence. I know the power of words and having your mentality right. Speaking these words, writing it, make them real. Gives them life. Eventually, I will be just like, if not worse, than the woman on this video. I need to focus on the positive, and so should you. Focus on the the good. Look in the mirror and smile. Be comfortable in your skin and happy with yourself.<br />
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Am I going to be on IG or twitter posing and calling myself the baddest...? No. Cause i don't even want the jokes thats SURE to follow, and I am not delusional.<br />
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I will make the effort to think I am beautiful everyday... and believe it.<br />
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Have a blessed day y'all.Sio M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07686777282773476362noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4975715446337243478.post-50541346453209356412013-04-17T01:19:00.001-04:002013-04-17T01:46:11.503-04:00Re-Reading My Life.<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When you re read your favorite book... You don't start from the middle... or just the good part. You start from the beginning. Thats what I did. Friday, June 11th, 2010 at 9:27pm... I posted my first on this blog. I was lost in my thoughts listening to the Miseducation of Lauryn Hill. Feeling alone in a room a of people, and the only thing there to keep me comfort was my wifi.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />I re-read "So I guess I blog now" and all I could say was FUCK. To y'all, this might be a regular blog post. To me, i see the pain in every letter, the insecurity with every "...". So much has changed in almost 3 years. Especially the blog. It kind of went from Random Epiphanys to Relationship Epiphanys, and that was never the goal. But there was a point in my life where all i thought about was jawns, and how we went wrong. Broken Hearts and Broken Condoms. How the sheets were almost as messed up as how me and #him (pick one) treated each other. My tunnel vision was more thorough than the Lincoln.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />But then, guess what... Yup, Had an epiphany. And 2013 happened... and God sent down some blessings. And when I say some... i mean an OVERWHELMING amount. Now my mind, my heart, and my eyes are open. And I want to bring my epiphanies back to being random.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />This blog was/is not a career. But I've always had support. I appreciate that. I just want other people to know they not crazy alone.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /><i>FYI some things havent changed:<br /><span style="line-height: 19px;">-First and foremost... I would rather be hated for honest than liked for being a liar</span><span style="line-height: 19px;">-I HEART Nicki Minaj... </span><span style="line-height: 19px;">-I am allergic to kiwis</span><span style="line-height: 19px;">-I don't like scallops unless they grilled</span><span style="line-height: 19px;">-Im scared of elevators- Not anymore!!!!! (well not really)</span><span style="line-height: 19px;">-and Pigeons</span><span style="line-height: 19px;">-and spiders</span><span style="line-height: 19px;">-and vomit</span><span style="line-height: 19px;">-and well... I won't get carried away... if I look like I'm going to run just dont bring it close--- </span></i></span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><i style="background-color: black;">Still very true...</i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span style="line-height: 19px;"><b>-My friends are the family I choose... and I will shed blood for my blood- Always and forever.</b></span><span style="line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></i><span style="line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">Welcome Back, and if you've never read... Just Welcome.</span></span></span></span>Sio M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07686777282773476362noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4975715446337243478.post-18290401428373980292013-01-31T16:58:00.001-05:002013-01-31T16:58:12.111-05:00Security Blanket<br />
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I had an epiphany… (funny,right? No? Ok…. )</div>
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This weekend I came to a realization. I looked around my new place, and realized how happy I was. I was so nervous when I was going to move. Thinking… Am I ready? Am I secure enough? I had a million scenarios of why I couldn’t move. The main one was the one I was avoiding... Familiarity.</div>
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I don’t mind change, but as an obsessed Capricorn, if I don’t know what’s going to happen with the change, then I am weary of it. I don’t like surprises bruh. But I still went out on the shakey limp and realized I was in love. This independence. This freedom. The new aspect in my life in which I was terrified about, was one of the best decisions I have ever made.</div>
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That wasn’t the epiphany though…</div>
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I am the queen of recycling old jawns. I’ve probably been on a total of 6 dates in 2 years and I don’t really count 3 of those… I just get caught up in remembering the feelings. The comfort… the familiarity… then I let them back in and I remember something else… the bullshit.</div>
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I can honestly say I am a different person than who I was when I dated ANY of my old jawns… so why would I think the happiness would still be there. Lowkey I probably know it wasn’t… but the temporary joy you get from familiarity… it’s like you favorite blanket…. It just brings you back to a comfortable space. </div>
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But then I thought back to my apartment… how scared I was to come out my comfort zone, and how happy I am that I did. I guess I need to be willing to try that in my love life…As scary as it sounds…</div>
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The thought about being the girl that he “cares about deeply but know can’t marry” for the rest of my life is scarier though.</div>
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I’m not saying I may not slip up and need the warmth of that old blanket again… but for now I’m going to try and keep it tucked in the closet until my bed gets too cold (now that was DEFINITELY funny)</div>
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<span class="HOEnZb"><span style="color: #888888;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 15px;"></span></span></span>Sio M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07686777282773476362noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4975715446337243478.post-84723401292673755502013-01-20T02:58:00.000-05:002013-01-20T02:58:22.316-05:00MovingLiterally and physically.<div>
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My address and out look has changed. I packed my bags up. i threw away shit i had no need for. Things I've hoarded for years. Friends helped, they encouraged. Somethings I had to handle alone. All in all i am in a new space.</div>
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and I am in love with it.</div>
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The independence. the peace. the sanctity. </div>
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Y'all probably reading this post like what the fuck she talking about? The hoe done had too much Maxwell pandora and wine. No I haven't. I have a new address. And so does my old way of thinking. I spent my birthday in my bed (alone) and i was happy. I am happy. Holistically. I brought in the new year BLINDED by blessings. I have no choice but to be happy. But its not just that. I did it despite adverse advice (not negative, adverse). I did it on faith. I busted my ass and realized, that i gave my self so little credit. its such a different feeling realizing your worth. you're capabilities. and then reaping what you sow…</div>
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fuck its amazing.</div>
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Then you see things for what they are. people for who they are. and you have to take a step back. reevaluate relationships. distance yourself from the unnecessary. Moving into a new mental space is like moving into a new apartment. Somethings can't go with you. </div>
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Then you give yourself space for new things. better things. things that go more in line with the things you decided you keeping. </div>
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Ive ran this analogy to the ground…. lol. If you do one thing this year, its move. Mentally. Realize some things about yourself. Dont let the actions of others drive you and you're progression. Let you and you're progression drive the actions of others. Make a vision board. Shit… make a vision if you don't have one. Cause once you realize what you really want in life… you're an UNSTOPPABLE force</div>
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<span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;"><b style="background-color: black;"><span style="line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” </span><br style="line-height: 18px; text-align: left;" /><span style="line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">― </span><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/566.Paulo_Coelho" style="line-height: 18px; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;">Paulo Coelho</a><span style="line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">, </span><i style="line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/4835472" style="text-decoration: none;">The Alchemist</a></i></b></span></div>
Sio M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07686777282773476362noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4975715446337243478.post-29200887794791432452013-01-20T02:11:00.001-05:002013-01-20T02:11:29.414-05:00its 2:04am<br />
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My Maxwell Pandora is blasting. I finally gotten time after the past two months to sit back, relax…. and just breathe….<br />
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and i open up my laptop. open the internet. and on my top sites… i see my own sly grin looking at me…. i click on random epiphanys link… and just breathe.<br />
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I won't call it a come back. My my heart had never left this link. my mind had somethings to handle… but my heart patiently waiting here until we were ready to sync again.<br />
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I sat in bed trying to force tears because i almost convinced myself i was upset sitting alone on this saturday night… missing a #him I've never had… and then i realized. i just missed my heart.<br />
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So hello.<br />
<br />Sio M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07686777282773476362noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4975715446337243478.post-74536011171678246772012-11-28T11:14:00.001-05:002012-11-28T11:14:10.682-05:00Cant blame the KiwiSo as a blogger (which I really don’t think I am but whatever), I love reading other peoples blogs. One of the best things about it is finding out you are not the only person who thinks this way. You are not crazy. One of my favorite emo blogs is www.marcandangel.com. They did a recent post called 10 ways to Break Your Own Heart (yea the titles sounds corny but bear with me guys). Here is the list:<br />
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<em>1. Let people invalidate or minimize how you feel. – If you feel something, you feel it and it’s real to you. Nothing anyone says has the power to invalidate that, ever. No one else lives in your body, or sees life through your eyes. No one else has lived through your exact experiences. And so, no one else has the right to dictate or judge how you feel. Your feelings are important. Don’t let anyone lead you to believe otherwise.</em><br />
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<em>2. Regret every mistake you’ve ever made. – If you regret some of the decisions you’ve made in the past, stop being so hard on yourself. At that time, you did your best with the knowledge you had. At that time, you did your best with the experience you had. Your decisions were made with a younger mind. If you were to make these decisions with the wisdom you have now, you would choose differently. So give yourself a break. Time and experience has a wonderful way of helping us prosper, grow and learn to make better choices today, for ourselves and those we care for. Read Emotional Freedom .</em><br />
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<em>3. Take your loved ones for granted. – Someday, for one reason or another, there will be someone you miss dearly. Missing this person will have nothing to do with how long it’s been since you’ve seen them, or the amount of time since you’ve talked. It will be about that very moment when you’re doing something and you wish they were right there with you. So be sure to appreciate every moment you get to spend with the people who matter to you.</em><br />
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<em>4. Let your ego get the best of you. – Sometimes we choose to be wrong, not because we really are wrong, but because we value our relationship more than our pride. When two people who care about each other fight, both are wrong. They have put some kind of superficial outcome over love and compromise. The one who apologizes and makes up first, is the one who is right.</em><br />
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<em>5. Get involved in every petty argument that comes your way. – Being strong doesn’t mean you have to stay and fight all the battles and petty arguments that come your way. Being strong doesn’t mean you have to respond to rude remarks. Don’t retort by throwing insults back at them. Don’t bring yourself down to their level. That’s what they want. Keep your dignity. True strength is being smart enough to walk away from all the nonsense with your head held high. Read The Four Agreements .</em><br />
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<em>6. Join the negativity committee. – No matter how much negativity is thrown at you by others, there is absolutely no need for you to stay put and participate in the self-destruction they choose for their own lives. You decide how your soul grows. The extent of your happiness depends on the quality of your thoughts. So be positive. Some of the best days of your life haven’t happened yet.</em><br />
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<em>7. Rush love. – A good relationship is when two people accept each other’s past, support each other’s present, and love each other enough to encourage each other’s future. So don’t rush love. Find a partner who encourages you to grow, who won’t cling to you, who will let you go out into the world, and trust that you will come back. This is what true love is all about, and it’s always worth the wait.</em><br />
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<strong><em><span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">8. <u>Hold on to those who don’t want to stay</u>. – It’s really painful to say goodbye to someone that you don’t want to let go of, but it’s even more painful to hold on to them if they never wanted to stay in the first place. If someone doesn’t show you the same love that you show them, and acts as if you are unimportant most of the time, this may be a big clue as to the fact that you don’t need them in your life either. The only people you truly need in your life are those who respect you and want you to be in theirs.</span></em></strong><br />
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<em>9. Ignore every bit of constructive criticism you receive. – The worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves. A true friend will always speak the truth, even if it hurts. So don’t assume that every critic in your life is a hater. Not everyone is hating on you. Some people truly care about you, and are simply telling you the truth that you have been subconsciously denying. Read The Mastery of Love .</em><br />
<em><br /></em>
<em>10. Give up on yourself. – Maneuvering through difficult times is a lot like driving through dense fog. You can’t always see where you’re going, you feel a little lost, you want to turn back, and every mile feels like forever. Yet, scared or fatigued as you might be, there’s nothing you can do but breathe, focus on the road ahead, keep moving forward, and trust that a force with keener vision than yours is out there functioning as your guide</em><br />
<br />
Y’all see number 8 in bold? Yea, there is a reason for that. I figured this out a while ago. As I write this I’m coming off of a self induced depression after having to cut off the original GAN. I been moping for days after sending him an email letting him know we tried but failed. We cant be active in each others lives anymore. It hurt but whateva. I just didn’t get why he was ok hurting me like this… then I read the post.<br />
<br />
I was hurting my mother fucking self.<br />
<br />
I’m allergic to kiwi. It’s not the kiwi fault I’m allergic. But it is my fault that I keep trying to eat it. I got to stop blaming the kiwi. I love him. It’s not his fault I love him. But it is my fault I keep trying to love him despite knowing it won’t work. I can’t blame him. <br />
<br />
So as I write this, am I running in sunflower fields twirling and embracing life. Nah. I’m still a bit sad I can’t text him when Ja Rule come on. Or if I watch Cheaters I automatically think of him. Or the one of our mutual friends mention his name. But I’m moving on. And at least with baby steps, you’re still moving forward. <br />
<br />
Sio M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07686777282773476362noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4975715446337243478.post-58154958676170803822012-11-14T17:14:00.001-05:002013-10-28T00:07:26.960-04:00Think Like a Man (Hoe)<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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One of the most annoying phrases to me in the past two years
for me was “Hoes be winning”. I just thought it was soooooo dumb. What did this
hoe win? Soiled car faxes, STD’s, trifling niggas scratching at her door, the
possibility of never getting married? I aint got time for that. Was going to stay the good girl I was and I
knew that I would prosper cause my mans JesuCristo and his cousin Karma would
hold me down.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, it’s the story section of this post:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Due to the devastating effects of hurricane Sandy, I was
stuck in BK on a Friday night. I would of just stayed the whole weekend but I
had to go somewhere Saturday and the trains just started running. However, the train I
needed to take was nowhere around, so I decided to call one of my old jawns for
a ride (though neither me nor my homegirls believed he was coming). When the
text went unanswered, I just walked to the train. It was whateva…<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I was walking, there was this Brooklyn ratchet mess in
front of me. It was like a zoo exhibit. She had this switch in her hips that
assumed she thought looked sexy, but she looked like she had a spinal cord
problem. He weave looked like it was 26 inches of the finest Porcupine Remy
Body Wave. It was fairly chilly outside and she was wearing a mini skirt with
Uggs and a bubble vest. And her bubble gum pink lipstick and barely holding on
false lashes didn’t help either… I was befuddled.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was all ready to talk my shit on the phone with my
homegirl like “GIRRRRRRL, PLEASE let me tell you about this hot ass ghetto mess in fro…” when I stopped midword because
some nigga pulls up along side her in a 2012 Audi... He looks good. Beard.
Complexion Henny straight… and did I mention the Audi? He beeps, and she turns
to him and replies “Took you long enough to get here, its cold and you know I
don’t walk in the fucking cold”. They then ride off on heated seats while I
stood in the cold watching my own breathe billow out my mouth and looked like I
just seen an alien. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><u>It was then I realized I had not sucked enough dick in my
life.</u></b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The End<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here I was, waiting on Karma in the cold (who don’t drive
btw) for what I deserve while Kiki and Tron (I named them in my head) ride off
on heated seats and probably to get some food, have a bit a sex, and then he
either drove her home or gave her cab money.
Have I been doing it wrong the whole time? I don’t know but I saw the
reality of hoes be winning right in front of my eyes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I thought about it the whole train ride from Brooklyn to the
Bronx. Something wasn’t right. Slinging my moot around like flyer for a party
in a campus dorm could not be the answer. It just could not be!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I really thought about it I realized it wasn’t the
actions of a hoe but a mentality that didn’t get them left in the cold. The
mentality that if they want something they get it. They don’t ask, they demand.
They take pride in everything they do even if that means every night a
different man inside of you *The Weekend Voice*. They have confidence, determination, and
gumption. They are easy to be around because they don’t give a fuck or try hard
so guys don’t mind picking them up or spending a little cash to keep them
around if it one less thing to nag about. My male friends tell me that’s they
love they hoes just cause its stress free.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Please don not read this post and think “Let me go have sex
with this nigga right now cause Sio said so… I wont be cold no mo’! “ That’s not
what I said at all. I’m still shocked after 2 years that people read my blog never
mind the fact that you listen to some of my “advice” (lack of a better word). I
just want you to reevaluate you mentality. I am not going out there and going to starting humping anything moving just so i can make sure i don't have to walk a couple of blocks in the cold. This moot worth more than a heated seat (even though at the time of the story I was wondering if it really was lol). We cant say hoes be winning if we
always put ourselves in place to take the loss. To get something you never had,
you have to do something you’ve never done. That might be adapting a hoe mentality.<o:p></o:p></div>
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And if deep down you are still worried about the myth “you can’t
turn a hoe into a housewife”, I understand, but don’t be. I know quite a few.
lol<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Sio M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07686777282773476362noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4975715446337243478.post-69772518819263649532012-10-22T11:02:00.002-04:002012-10-22T23:06:48.110-04:00Could of swore I posted this before but...I looked at my friend and said...<br />
<br />
"Loving his potential is one of the most violent acts of crime I commited against myself..."<br />
<br />
Yea, the words shocked both of us.Sio M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07686777282773476362noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4975715446337243478.post-70926112371821592942012-10-22T00:08:00.002-04:002012-10-22T09:13:03.140-04:00Cruz Control"You can't keep putting your time in things you'll never be good at"<br />
<br />
Wait.<br />
<br />
I looked up from my phone with a face like I heard the voice go Jehovah himself.<br />
<br />
Wait a fucking minute.<br />
<br />
Let me set the scene y'all. We are at book club. Talking about "The Tipping point" (good book, y'all should read). And my homegirl Cruz is moderating this meeting. I kind of drifted into a random text convo, and then out of ashes… Here comes Cruz nonchalantly saying this statement that fucked my whole mental up…<br />
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"You can't keep putting your time in things you'll never be good at"</div>
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It must of hit home to others… cause before I could really take in everything that happened and speak, my homegirl stopped the whole meeting and was sounding like <strike>Pre Young Money</strike> Nicki Minaj and was like "Wait Wait Wait, run that shit the fuck back." Let me say this again.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
"You can't keep putting your time in things you'll never be good at"<br />
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Jesucristo. Allah. Buddah. Yahweh. Krishna. Buddha. Jah. Lion Paw of Juddah. All of them.</div>
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Such a simple statement sent my head reeling. Just earlier I was looking at a pic from my birthday this year. A pic of me and my ex jawn/Gan. I looked at the silly face he makes when I say something smart and/or sarcastic and Im smiling. A legit smile. That was January. We hadn't even really started talking then, but we were happy to be around each other. Happy. Now <strike>a pregnancy cycle later</strike> 9 months later, we don't speak. I had to dead all communication with him because he had no boundaries and I had no limit to caring. The type of relationship we experienced… we would need a constraint. But looking at this picture this morning <strike>or all day</strike>, I said, has the Capricorn in me got ahead of herself again? Did I cut it off too fast based off of a fleeting emotion of the day. I know we probably would never get married. According to him I'm too untraditional, not submissive enough, and have too many male friends. He is too close minded, judgmental, inconsistent, and unreliable for me. But his heart <strike>and sex</strike> was amazing. People are so malicious now a days, so deceitful, just down right evil. He was this handsome man. Tall. Chocolate. Body was crafted by the African and basketball gods. Smart. Family values. Almost everything I wanted in a man, except he was missing the things I needed. But, those could be worked on no? Our relationship wasn't perfect but it was possible…</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
"You can't keep putting your time in things you'll never be good at"</div>
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<br /></div>
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I almost cried in the midst of close friends and acquainted strangers. Why Cruz just read me my life random through this book discussion ironically about drastic changes that were cause by minor or random factors or changes… a tipping point. She was my tipping point. I promise i was in a haze. Ironically enough, I got a call from my original GAN at that very moment. The one Ive heard people be like this … "Who _____? That nigga is a hoe/immature/annoying/opportunist/*insert negative adjective here*." Yet i still defend him and still Remember the Time like Michael Jackson, when he wasn't that person. I don't know if "that person" was just FOR me, or made up just BY me… The one i know will never work but you hope that it does. Hope the fact we just can't seem to leave each other alone (cause i tried the dead all communication thing with him but as soon as i saw his face, and read that text that he wanted to talk, my heart melted) as fake friends will lead to a real love *MJB voice*. I don't know if that was a sign from the Lord (cause you know his sense of humor is sick) but I just sat there and shook my head. I was legit excited for his call because he hardly ever calls but when the rings stopped short and i got a text saying "sorry… butt dial" my heart dropped, and again so did my expectations of him...</div>
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"You can't keep putting your time in things you'll never be good at"</div>
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I thought about my career. All the things I wanted to do and try. All the things I've dabbled in. Im a Jill of all Trades yet a Master of None. I could be though. If I took the time and stopped bullshitting in other things. Be proud of my skills and talents. I love this blog. Its my baby. I started it over 2 years ago on a bored night that I was home alone again cause my ex-fiance was home sleep <strike>or starting a new family…50/50 chance on both</strike>. It went from being my random thoughts to being my random thoughts that people related to. It became my sanity. However, I never post the link on FB. Probably twice in this whole time span because I would feel weird if my family read it. Why? Not sure. Im 27… but I'm a weirdo. My other blog, <a href="http://kitchenbeauticians.blogspot.com/">Kitchen Beauticians</a>, is my dream. To make woman beautiful on a budget, by their own hands. Make their beauty their own. Working with the non profit I am involved in is extremely important to me. But I let other priorities, as well as nonsense that distracts me, take away from there importance. Like, why am I still tweeting nonsense from my Ms_She twitter but tweeting my business from my side twitter that I hardly use and has no following. I need to grow up and use twitter for good and not cooning. Use my instagram to positivity instead of bird activities. I need to get it together.</div>
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"You can't keep putting your time in things you'll never be good at"</div>
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So, now that Ive had time to process this, I must thank the gods of mix for bringing Cruz, my tipping point, into my life. Ive put time into things and others, instead of myself, and if i keep it up, Ill never be good at my own life. </div>
Sio M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07686777282773476362noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4975715446337243478.post-11778327492596421642012-10-08T20:51:00.002-04:002012-10-08T20:51:39.316-04:00Tad bit Obsessed...So I haven't even gotten a chance to listen to Miguel's new album because I have had Elle Varner's "Perfectly Imperfect" on HEAVY repeat rotation. Shout out to @TiffThomp for putting me on <strike>she made me say that</strike>. Her album sings my life… And just cause the weathers cold, I have no car, and I'm in my emo bag…. here is another of my favorites off the album… I had to include the lyrics cause i NEED y'all to <strike>feel</strike> understand what she saying…<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/8c6R0Nuv84Y" width="420"></iframe><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;">If you're looking for me I'm the stupid girl<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />With a joyless smile in her own sad world<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Walking nowhere all alone without a sense of time<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />On a cold dark street on a cold dark night, sayin'<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />This will be the last time<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Through with lettin' you keep me on the sideline<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />They say insanity is doing all the same things<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />And thinking that you're gonna get a different ending<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />'Cause I've been waiting in the storm for you<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Freezing in the cold blowing wind<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Can't tell my tears from the rain drops<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />I've been praying for a little bit of light<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Listening for your love all night<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />With nothing but the sound of my wrist watch<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Stop the clock, stop the clock<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Never again, never again, never<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Never again, never again, never<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />I can't wait to hear what your excuse is now<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />You're a professional two timing clown<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />I can only blame myself I let you bring me down<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />To a place in hell where I couldn't find a way out<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />'Til I saw the real you<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Your smoking mirrors blinding me from the real truth<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />And though I'm never getting back the years I wasted<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />I got forever to never see you again<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />'Cause I've been waiting in the storm for you<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Freezing in the cold blowing wind<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Can't tell my tears from the rain drops<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />I've been praying for a little bit of light<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Listening for your love all night<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />With nothing but the sound of my wrist watch<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Going toc-tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tick-tock<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Stop the clock, stop the clock<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Never again, never again, never<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Never again, never again, never<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Stop the clock, stop the clock<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Never again, never again, never<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Backing it up, gonna find better weather<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />'Cause I've been waiting in the storm for you<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Freezing in the cold blowing wind<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Can't tell my tears from the rain drops<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />I've been praying for a little bit of light<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Listening for your love all night<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />With nothing but the sound of my wrist watch<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Going tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock<br style="border: 0px none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" />Tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock</span></span></div>
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Random Fact- I have always wanted to name my daughter Elle, like the magazine… everyone i told proceeded to tell me the name was dumb, including my ex. My love for this CD has now re-ignited my desire to do just that…Ok. Carry on.Sio M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07686777282773476362noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4975715446337243478.post-36995093188710870412012-10-08T20:39:00.003-04:002012-10-09T00:02:35.522-04:00Nostalgic<br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">I miss number exchanging. Awkward smiles. Butterflies in my tummy instead of acid reflux. First kisses. Believing that romantic comedy endings are not far fetched. Getting excited for Skype sessions. Dressing up for dates. The warmth of knowing someone you care about is in the same bed as you... Cause something about their body heat is just perfect. Naming y'all fake/future children. I miss the "in love" sex. The scariness of the first argument, then the joy of overcoming it. Running my fingers through a beard. Kissing a shoulder just cause. Rubbing your hands across their body cause i love the feel of skin. I miss the bass in their voice when they try and reassure you they aren't going anywhere because your insecurities got the best of you. Sending good night texts. Getting good morning calls. Be able to say I love you to someone and KNOWING you'll get a response back. And that response won't come with stipulations and bullshit like a significant other they just cant leave, or not being in the same book, nevermind the same page. I miss giving surprises.. And the look on their face cause you got it just right. I miss consistency. I miss someone getting me excited to learn live and love with them. And nervous to see if they want to do the same with me. I miss the feelings in this song. Maybe I will have them again one day.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">But not tonight.</span></span>Sio M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07686777282773476362noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4975715446337243478.post-88680924755497343662012-10-08T20:33:00.003-04:002012-10-08T20:39:53.784-04:00What means the world to you...<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">"I am no one in this world's priority"</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">These are the words I uttered to one my closest friends recently. Once I said them the tears flowed. I've known this for months. The realization hurt. But I internalize it. Kept it in cause why complain or sulk? It would not fix anything. But saying it... Speaking the words into existence... Made it to real for my weary heart to bear anymore. It's a horrible feeling. Knowing that friends, family, jawns don't put you up high on their priority list, whether it be purposely or not. It's like being in a room full of people and still feeling alone. I honestly believe that one of the reasons i stayed with the ex fiancé so long. Once I lost that feeling, I realized I had lost him. It honestly just sucks.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">During the past week or so, I've brought up this topic subtly in conversations and got people's thoughts. Crazy part is alot of people feel the same way. Mainly in a romantic setting. They long to be someone's priority. I actually felt bad bringing up the topic cause the feelings were still strong in me so I felt guilty for adding company to my misery.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">However, today.. As I sat and pondered over the argument I had with an ex GAN about my attitude towards him... How I felt guilty for making him feel that way and thought about apologizing and really trying to work on making whateva we were doing positive... Then how my homegirl confirmed he would of just ended up disappointing me (again) with all his side activities... I had to wonder what the real problem was here. It had to be me. And I was right....</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Let's reevaluate my earlier statement.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">"I am no one in this world's priority"</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Not even my own.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">That's where the real problem lies. I put everyone's feelings in front of mine. My consideration is at the bottom of people's list including my own. I am not here preaching the good bitter word saying "yea girl, once you know your worth so will he! You're your own queen and don't need a king to be royal! Look at queen Elizabeth!" *pops gums, rolls neck, and snaps fingers*</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Yea.. No.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">What I'm saying is the remedy to feeling like no ones priority is making YOURself YOUR priority... Yea, it's nice to know people care and think about you regularly. Just take you into consideration period. However, It will hurt alot less putting yourself before others who may not do the same for you (that's sounds semi bitter but I promise it's not.. It comes from an uplifting place). I want to avoid these feelings. Avoid anyone having this pain. At 20 something, we have enough issues... feeling like we aren't worth someone's worry shouldn't be one of them.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: inherit;">Go first. Sio second. Lets hope I get it together in time for 2013.</span>Sio M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07686777282773476362noreply@blogger.com0