Best Thing...

I have a Confession...

We family here so I can talk my shit right?

OK. I been thinking about David lately. Not in the "I want him back, I think i overreacted we can make this work" type of way, but in the "What would I be doing if we didn't break up, or broke up sooner, or if he and I changed and compromised". I have been in such a melancholy (yea, 1250 on my SAT... ask about me), and I have been surrounded by negativity in and out of home. I been pulling back from people, and when you start spending more time with yourself you become a victim to your own thoughts. I dont regret anything. I loved that nigga. HARD. But I feel like I was manipulated. Not by him, but at my own hands. I convinced myself things he did that I knew were wrong, were right. I convinced myself that I was cute, but not cute enough to get a nigga who would adore (or what I though was adoration) me as much as him. I always look back and evaluate. i am trying to learn from my mistakes and listen to the working of my head and heart, versus the lips of others. the other day I was chillen with someone and were were having a random convo... in the midst I go

Me: I know where I fucked up...

Her: You know shit got real when someone starts a statement like that...

and in the particular situation we were discussing, I did know where I fucked up.

In this life, I'm trying to find where i fucked up so I can make it real for me...

I walk when I am upset. Night, day, rain, snow. I walk. Today i was walking and thinking about another issue that fucked me up and I saw a Nissan Maxima... I knew it wasn't his because he abandoned that car on the side of the road... but I ran my mind on him. the rest of the walk was me thinking if anything could of made it work. After 6 months, really contemplating if this shit was me overreacting, if I only moved on so quick because I had (what he felt he was, which wasn't true on my end) a "rebound guy", or because "Single Sioban" turned it up and is just now cooling off.

But in the grand scheme of all, 8lb baby Jesus works in mysterious ways. Yall see that video in the previous post? I popped up on my twitter. I watchedit with tears in my eyes. It hit too close to home. The wedding dress. But those were teas of joy and relief. The doubt and confusion I have been having were gone. I know regardless this was a right move. I just needed to move on from the dwelling

These past few months I have strengthen my relationships with my family, my friends, and myself... Now all I need is to strengthen my money and we cooking!

Like Bey said "Thank God I found the GOOD in GOODBYE"

<---Legit Happiness looks good on me