Music Mondays

I love R. Kelly... Pre-acquital R.Kelly is my favorite tho... Chocolate Factory and TP2... man listen...

However, one of my favorite R.Kelly Songs is I Will Never Leave



The day a man can tell me "Shut Up" with love like that... I know Ive got something special... lol

Im not perfect

I can't edit my blogs while Im writing them... I read them after I post a few times to see what I messed up. It makes sense in my head while Im writing so I have to leave and come back... lol. I know. crazy... but Thats me... I just write while the thought is in my head cause I don't want to lose it...

Feel free to point out the fuck ups... lol

I just don't got it

So, one of my oldest and best friends came out with me on Friday. Diandra caused a whole fucking scene... men were mesmorized. But then look at her


She is gorgeous...

And I wasn't shocked. We have been friend for 21 years now... This is not the first time this has happened. Im used to it. The "Sio put me on with your sister" or the "Nah your friend has got to be my wife"... But she is engaged ( and I actually love her fiancé and hate him at the same time, so I m not supporting the foolishness) so she wasn't giving any of the guys any time of day... I love that heffa to death, and she and me are alike in so many ways... except one

I am not sexy. lol

No seriously. I have no sex appeal. Was always the homegirl. I am tall doofy, always laughing, being silly, my hair is fluffy (it don't ever stay straight!), I hardly wear heels, I got glasses.... trust me the list can go on for days. Im just Sio.

<----- My "sexy" pic lol

She got that natural lusty flirty eye, and my eyes can hardly stay uncrossed when my glasses are off. lol

I am not saying I'm not cute, or that guys don't like me... cause thats just being dramatic. But I was never the one to walk into a room and be ogled, or to have men flock around me. Most of the drinks that men buy for me are from my male friends or men who want to impress the friend that Im with so they buy me a drink too. *shrug*

I am 26, at this age I know my strengths and weakness

Strenthgs; math, organizing, doing a full split, comparing the way someone looks to a animal or cartoon

Weaknesses; walking without tripping, determining complexion, eating without dropping food, being sexy

I wouldn't even know what to do with all that attention anyway... Im shy when I'm the center of attention. She handles it so gracefully. I doubt I will ever be the sexy friend, but I am just gone play up my strengths. My smile, my kindness, my boobs... Y'all should too.

I know you want to be sexy but its not for everybody. Get some homegirls, speak in private, and ask "am i sexy...?" no, seriously. If i asked that to a friend now she would be like "Bitch, no... You not ugly tho, so sit your ass down". That what you need, and if by chance you find out your not sexy... Welcome. lol

That doesnt mean you've lost. Just evaluate your strategy. Know whats for you. This sexy life aint for everyone...


See... He should of tried to be the homeboy next door look instead of the futuristic cowboy.

I think most people try and be sexy and its not for them. Dee's allure is natural. She don't try. This hoe didn't even have on heels... I'm in 5 inch wedges and i looked like I came in sweats next to her. I am not saying be a bum, cause thats when you've lost... i'm saying I'm not sexy so Im not gonna try...

But there are some perks to being the "un-sexy friend" lol. I know when guys like me, they usually like ME, not just wanna get in my pants... but then again... you never know these days with niggas. Smh

All Im saying is... know what you working with!


Love you Oompa!!!

The Dream

So, You know I was coming on here as soon as possible about this Beyonce baby thing. First off, if you didn't see it Beyonce is pregnant.



Now the whole performance was amazing... but for the point of this blog that I am gonna talk about, if you want you can fast forward to 2:54.

Y'all watched? Oh ok... I cried

That look Jay-z gave Beyonce. That look at the end... With the tear in his eye.... That smile Beyonce had as she tried to keep her diva stance. Thats the dream. I don't care what anyone says... That is what everyone is aspiring for in their love. That look.

No seriously. I cried for an hour. I don't remember ever seeing that look from David, and it kind of hurts, but then I realize now more than ever, that our separation was or the best. I want all my friends to experience that. To have someone look at them like that. With 100% happiness, admiration, and unconditional love. Even if I never experience it myself.

For now all I can do is pray ... and if... just IF...someone happens to love me enough to give me that look... then every trial and tribulation would have been worth it.

Hurricanes and What Not...

Irene got y'all going crazy. Like seriously. This hurricane has everyone losing their mind..



All 3 carts were theirs...

They was bugging. 40 cans of vienna sausages....? really?

Whats Your Type?

Have I ever told y'all I don't have favorites? No, Im serious. I am indecisive as shit. I can't pick just one. Favorite colors- Gold, Red, and Black. Favorite Food? Seafood, Italian, and Spanish. I know. I am a punk.... but thats me. Take it or leave it....

So, my homegirl Ming (amongst others) have asked me what my type is. I gave the generic answer... Tall, Dark skin, nice smile, good sense of humor, can dress, blah blah blah. Im sure she looked at the screen with the -____- face, then typed "NO, like whats your type?" I had no answer..

Ive been thinking about it tho, and here is what I came up with:

I want a man, who can rock sweats or a suit. A man who will check me cause anyone who really knows me knows i need to get g checked every once in a while when I lose track. Who understand that I am, and always will be a friendly person. And that when I hug my brothers or my male friend, know that the energy I exchange with them can not be compared to the energy that is exchanged when our bodies are close. Someone who is about their money cause I am going to be about mine. That know my family and my friends mean the world to me, and I am not asking you to make them his world, but understand they if Im in his life, they not too far behind. Someone who is goal oriented. I need a dreamer with a plan. Not someone who puts nothing into action. I don't want a nigga who is hungry. I want him STARVING... Cause I am gonna feed his mind body and soul, but he still wants more for himself and he is going to get it. A man that can be a corporate thug. Someone who can fuck me (sorry for the harshness) and make love to me all in the same night. A nigga that can express himself because i lost my psychic ability a while ago, so I need him to communicate. I need trust. I need loyalty. I need brutal honesty. I know that no one is perfect and I wouldn't expect him to be, but he has to remember the same for me. Realize I cry, I have a spending habit, I can't sing, my feet are big, I am clumsy, i am a four eyes, I think I am always right, I am stubborn, amongst a bunch of other things, yet he loves me like I am flawless. I don't ask anyone to give me the world, I just want him to want to give it to me if he had it. Like truly. Respect my hustle, cause I will respect his (and he will have a hustle cause I don't want a man who is too comfortable). I need him to be silly with me and have eyes I can see my children in. Hug me like he wants to protect me from the world. Smile like he never experienced pain.

Now if he happen to be above 6'2, got a mean dressing/shoe game, and a dimple I can drink water from... Well then I may just buy him a ring. Lol...

or Method Man...

He look DAMN good in this video... Sheesh.

Maybe I am asking for too much. But I think I am worth it. And I settled already once in this life, and I lost time and money.... The two things I cherish the most beside my friends and family...

But knowing me that shit will probably change next week....

Humbled

I been humbled twice in the past week. First was at a dinner for my cousin Rams. We met in college (cause she coincidentally went to school in Philly and was good friends with one of the people I call sister) and I loved her instantly. She is a beautiful person inside and out and she is so brave. Anyone who can pick up and leave to better their life I consider brave.



Anywhoot, I digress. We were at a dinner since she was in town. Because of this lovely lay off, and the great unemployment system not sending my check yet, I was broke (whats new). I wasn't even going to go but one of my goals now that I have this free time is to reconnect with family and friends. I am so happy I did. Seeing here made my day, In the midst of it something about my blog came up. People, including Rams, had actually read it. Like keep up with it. I know it sounds crazy but I just think like 5 people read my blog. I started this as a way to keep sane, and its done that, but I didn't think any per on would relate. To hear people read it and say they enjoy it. Its crazy to me.

Second was during the week. I have sisters, but I call very few people my little sister. I can count 3. Tamara who I will always love dearly, since we found out our boyfriends were best friends in high school. Just is just such a positive person with a smile that lights up a room. Chelsea, who is 17 but so about her business. She is about money and school and success, and I am so proud of her. And one of my best friends little sisters cause I love her like she was my blood. She is an amazing person with a genuine personality.

I don't usually connect with younger females. Their catty, mixxy, not old enough to realize we made the mistake they making now. However, a few months ago, I met an amazing female. She is early 20's but her soul is like twice her age. I am proud to add her as a little sister. We had a convo this week and she said, "like, I look up to you". It took my life to hold in my tears (cause you know thugs don't cry). I can't remember the last time anyone told me that. And hearing it now, at probably one of the most bottom, discouraging times in my life, made me feel.... Indescribable. I was humbled beyond words. She probably didn't even notice, but I wanted to hug her... but I didn't want to make it awkward. lol. I love her and to have that come from her meant the world to me...

I appreciate all y'all in my life. All of y'all.

But back to my regularly scheduled program...

The Marriage Checklist Pt 2...

The remainder of the article. The real part...

In the last installment of this article, we covered the first three items on the checklist. To recap, they were:

1) Do not say yes if you're deeply in love.
2) Do not marry a man you've known less than 18 months.
3) Get a prenuptial agreement -- especially if you're making good money.


Here are the remaining four:
4) Consult your female and male friends before making the final decision.

The Eastern masters say that a knife can't cut itself, a tongue can't taste itself, and you can't see a mountain you're standing on. It's simply not possible. real shit

Similarly, you are too close to yourself to see clearly what you're getting yourself into.

So you need someone else to give you perspective: is marrying this guy the best thing since Nutella, or more like deep-fried Twinkies? Your girlfriends will give you one perspective, and you should listen to their aggregate voice vs any one of them. One girl could be jealous or vindictive, but the unified chorus has something worth listening to. But what you should really listen to is what your guy friends say -- especially exes whom you trust (if you have any). We guys notice and know things about other men that women simply cannot see. It's like we're dogs who can hear ultra-high frequency sounds, or honeybees who can see ultraviolet markings in flowers. Women aren't equipped to notice some of the dead giveaways of shady behavior in guys.

So make sure your guy friends spend time with your man and observe him. Then ask for their honest opinion, and listen to it. If your guy friends think your beau is a bad egg, they're probably right. I know backing out of a promising relationship is hard, but it's your whole life we're talking about here. If he's wrong for you, it's 10,000 times easier to make the tough decision now -- even if you've already mailed out the 300 supercute handwritten wedding invites. Have a girl's night out, a pint of Haagen Dazs and a perhaps a fling and you're good to go. Repeat for a month or two if necessary.

Whereas if you delay until after the wedding, it will involve colossal pain, splitting belongings in half with an axe, fighting over child custody and paying mountains of money to Dewey, Cheatham and Howe.

So consult reliable advisors before taking the plunge. And listen to what your guy friends have to say.

5) Make only promises you can keep regarding monogamy.

Do you believe in Santa Claus? No? Oh, you're no fun. But he's in the mall every December! With kids sitting on his lap! Is that not proof enough?

No, because you know better. Santa Claus is a figment of the imagination, a fanciful mental construct with no basis in reality. You don't believe nor rely on that stuff.

You know what else is a fanciful mental construct without basis in reality? Strict monogamy. As far as anyone can tell, it does not exist anywhere in nature. Anywhere. No, not even in 'swans that mate for life' -- geneticists have definitive evidence that even they do their fair share of flitting about.

Okay, so there is this one species of slug. And when the male and the female mate, they actually fuse and become one slug. If that's your idea of a healthy relationship, be my guest. But other than that, every other species has excursions, technically called extra-pair couplings.

Some have 'em more often than others. Chimpanzees and bonobos, for example, tend to go ape with their voracious sexual appetites. Gorillas, not so much (although each alpha male keeps a nice harem, which isn't strictly monogamy in my book). Prairie voles are primarily monogamous, while montane voles are primarily horn dogs.

Keep in mind that only 3% of all mammalian species form any kind of monogamous relationship at all. We are part of that 3%, and fall somewhere between the chimp and gorilla in our appetites. As the scientists would call it, we are monogamous with excursions.

Long story short: there will be excursions. Count on it. For both you and him, with the man slightly more likely to do it than the woman. Think about it: forever's an awfully long time to be sleeping with just one person.
Now I know that conventional wisdom holds that women really want monogamy -- it's the guys who have the problem keeping their dicks in their pants, right?

Except that there's this worldwide genetic study showing that 10% of the people in the world have a biological father different from the guy they call Dad.

That means that if you have 200 friends on Facebook, 20 of them are bastards. Literally.

We're not going to get into all the science of it right now, but suffice it to say that women are just as capable of extra-pair couplings as men. They may do it for different reasons, but they still do it.

So make sure you cover this before you get married -- for both you and him. It is possible to have sex outside of your primary relationship and still love one another and still have a great family life. And it need not be guilty and surreptitious -- or, on the opposite end of the spectrum, going whole hog swinger mode. Just make sure you only make promises you can keep. Cheating is more about betrayal of trust and breaking of a promise than some bodily act.

Other cultures don't get so bent out of shape when it comes to extra-pair couplings. Russian, Japanese, French, Swedish, Brazilian people -- heck, most of the rest of the world -- have such matters already baked into their mores. Figure out what works for them; it may inform what works for you. The Tao is all about seeing the world as it is, not how you wish it would be.

6) Do a thorough background check.

Remember my friend Willow? Of course not, 'cause I never told you about her. Here's the story: Willow's an ultra-successful, exceptionally beautiful doctor who had just finalized the divorce with her nutso husband. She felt unshackled for the first time in a long while and started to date again. She meets this guy Bruce, who in short order professes his undying love for her, gets on one knee and asks for her hand.

Now Willow's 36 with two lovely daughters, so she doesn't want any more kids and is kinda liking this whole freedom thing. Re-marrying sounds eminently pointless. Moreover, she lives in Seattle while he lives in San Diego. No way no how is this gonna happen.

Except that it did happen -- she said yes and moved to San Diego. Within a few months, Bruce started to disappear without a trace for days on end. This is when Willow finds out that Bruce also likes boys -- a detail he had glossed over during their courtship.
Ladies -- in the era of Google and a hundred other online search tools, I strongly encourage you to do a complete and thorough background check on your boy before throwing any party with lawyers invited. If there's anything at all suspicious, dig deeper and get to the truth. Especially if you met through non-friend channels -- the internet, random meeting in a bar, some Roman orgy you happened to drop in on -- hire a private investigator and get the truth.

Your lifetime partnership deserves at least as much due diligence as a routine bank loan.


7) Be extra-careful if you're extra-susceptible.

The statistics break my heart: a lot of women of adult age have had some history of physical, emotional or sexual abuse. It sucks. And if you're one of those women, you need to be extra careful about the men you let close to you. Good men are protectors while bad men tend to prey on the susceptible. If you can't tell the difference between a protector and predator -- well, you probably shouldn't be getting married in the first place. If you're going to do it anyway, consult friends who can help (see #4 above).

Other things that make you susceptible: coming off a long relationship; death of a loved one; low self-esteem (either chronic or from a recent event, like getting fired); coming into boatloads of cash or fame after long privation; recent illness; long dry spell. In short, any kind of major stressor to the psyche, whether positive or negative.

Hope this helps. Just remember: big decisions merit big preparation. Know your own fallibility, seek trusted counsel, and do your homework. The life you'll be saving is your own.

The Marriage Checklist

So, My aunt... whom I love to death... has horrible email etiquette. She sends every forward she gets. Most times I just delete them or browse through real quick. Today, she sent one titles "Before You Say I Do; A Checklist for Smart Women". Because of my current situation I opened it. The article should be put in the female handbook that me and @TiffThomp said we need to have in every night stand like a bible.

Now the article is in two parts.... so I will put it in two parts as well. The first part is good but the second article you need to absorb.

No, I will give @T_Lloyd this, she has said most of this before, and has said this often... from both of the selections happy birthday hoe

PART 1

I'm happy to report that I'm riled up again. This is a good thing, because it makes me do useful stuff, like finishing books and writing this here article.

It's not a good thing because usually what gets me riled up is a good woman stuck in a bad spot.

Not so long ago, I met such a woman. She's smart, educated and dazzlingly beautiful. Her poems attest to a nimble intellect, an expansive soul and an observant eye for the truth. A rare individual.

What I did not understand was how she got married to a man who ended up abusing her, cheating on her and blaming his cheating on her ("This is what you deserve"). She had two children with him and is still going through a rancorous divorce two years after separating, putting her in a tough spot financially and emotionally.

How does crap like this happen to good women -- smart women who know better? How do the warning signs elude them?

Well, it can happen in a lot of ways:

You fall in love, put your frontal lobe in a jar and marry a guy you later on find you don't know all that well.

Some dude pursues you so doggedly that you just give up after a while.

You're stuck in a bad living situation and use marriage as an escape route.

Your parents treated you poorly so you marry a guy who fits that love template 'cause it feels like home, albeit a lousy one.


The reasons for women marrying the wrong guy are as numerous as the millions of divorces filed in the US every year. But if divorce is a disease, then a little bit of prevention may have forestalled many of them. Consider this short checklist below as a little bit of a vaccine then.
Since you ladies have more to lose, you should be vigilant about your choice of mate. A 'starter marriage' can derail your career path, saddle you with children you can hardly support, kill the carefree idealism that made you so appealing, tax your mental health, and consume your ultimate irreplaceable asset -- your youth and beauty.

Do I have your attention now? Oh good. One disclaimer before we start: having never been a married woman, I do not speak from firsthand experience. However, I do know good choices from bad ones, so here are some principles to help you decide better:

1) Do not say yes if you're deeply in love.

Is it a good idea to buy a car if you're drunk? Is it a good idea to put an offer on a house when you're high as a kite?

Then it's also not a good idea to accept a marriage proposal if you're in love with someone.

What?!? Isn't that the reason to get married? Isn't this the culmination of every white-wedding dream you've had as a kid?

No, no, no and hell no, sister. That's some weird bill of sale that the romance books have sold you. Up to very recent times in human history, that's not why people got married. And, judging from the 50%+ divorce rates in this country, it's not a very good reason to do so.

Why? Because the most reliable aspect of falling in love is that you will fall out of it. Guaranteed. On average after 18 months, according to scientists.

Generally, you should not make big-ticket decisions in a state of acute intoxication. And being in love is very much a state of acute intoxication.

Brain imaging studies of people in love show that their mind functions as if they're kinda nuts. Whole parts of executive judgment just plain fall out of your cranium.

What should you do instead?

Wait.

Being in love is drunkenness and impaired judgment. It tends to peak early, then decline -- regression to the mean. Real love tends to build over time, not decline. Only if the crazy love has already worn off, you still find yourself putting up with his smelly socks and nocturnal flatulence, and somehow think he'd make a fine father for your children, then go for it.

Marriage is a vast edifice deserving of a strong foundation. Don't build it on the flimsy leaves of infatuation.

2) Do not marry a man you've known less than 18 months.

Since I know most of you are going to ignore the first principle, at least give yourself this escape hatch. 18 months is the average time it takes to fall out of love -- i.e., about the time it takes for the fog to clear from your eyes and to see the guy for who he really is.

Sure, doing something impulsive can be fun sometimes: "Let's go to the Shotgun Chapel in Vegas and get married!" Kind of like going bungee-jumping on a dare when the bungee cord is broken, or if there is no bungee cord at all and you're just heading into a freefall splat.

Guys make for poor impulse buys. Keep your impulse buys to small things, like a teddy bear or piece of Teuscher chocolate, not men who can potentially ruin your whole life.

3) Get a prenuptial agreement -- especially if you're making good money.

This advice used to be the sole domain of men, but times have changed. A survey revealed that women in New York City make more money on average than the men. And if you're Oprah or J.K. Rowling, whom are you going to find who makes more than you?

Now I know you're different. And I know you and your boy really, really love each other.

But you know what? Nobody goes to the altar not really, really loving each other at that moment. Hate to break it to ya, but it ain't all that special.

So take a deep breath, recognize your humanity (read: fallibility) and concede that, in this country, you've got a 50-50 shot for making this work.

Girl -- you have no idea who you're marrying until you marry him. It's like trying to practice swimming on dry land: no amount of preparation does you any good until you take the plunge.

So be smart about it. And if you truly love him and love yourself, line things up beforehand to avoid a rancorous split should things go sour. Divorce is a terrible, awful, miserable thing -- especially if there are worldly goods, pets and children involved.

And if you've been smart, savvy and industrious enough to build yourself some wealth, protect your life's work. You do not want to be paying alimony to some unemployed deadbeat you no longer like, let alone love.

We'll go through items 4 through 7 on the checklist in the next part of the article.

YouTube is a hell of a drug

So, I been out here doing "research" with @T_Lloyd (Its her 25th bday btw, wish my jawn a blessed one), and she put me on to this song called "Thinking about You" by Frank Ocean. And as much as I like Frank Ocean, I actually hate Frank Oceans version. I think its because she let me listen to tother people's version first and they killed it.

My two favorites are this little Rican who could probably sing a nursery rhyme and make my vickies hit the floor-Louis Figeroua. His version of Aaliyah "One in a Million" is on Tnasty Blog www.virginfingertips.blogspot.com. Second is this 16 year boy with the cutest smile. Jordan Grizzle. Enjoy!

One Day

If I get married, God willing... This is will be playing as my wedding party walk down the aisle. Ive always loved this song more than words can ever express

The favor friend

You are sitting down... Minding your business...

You feel your phone vibrate... Its a text

You see who its from....

You immediately know that mother fucker wants something.

It does not fail. Everyone has at least one "friend" that ONLY hit you up when they need something. Some fein concern and general interest in your life, but within 3 text messages, their true motive comes out...

Them: Hey!
You: Whats up?
Them: Nothing, chillen. How you been?
You: Good... Doing the same.
Them: Thats whats up.... i have a quick question...

Usually, thats where they insert the favor or hook-up they need. I don't mind doing favors for my friends. At all. Actually, people say I help out too much. Im too nice. But when people only hit you up when they need something. That pisses me off. Y'all will get no response. This may sound a little conceited or what not and I don't give not one fuck but I am a good ass person. You only keeping me around for favors and they not sexual, you might as well lose my number, cause I will not be responding. I have a "friend" who don't even hit me with the 3 message courtesy. She just text "you home". I don't even answer, cause I know all she want is a ride. We used to be so close, but I would text/call her to ask about her daughter and how life and he reply would be "fine, but can I get a ride to Target". Literally. Direct quotes.

I just think its sad when people don't see the value of their friendship, just what can be done for them. I mean I know friends are supposed to be there for each other, but thats not supposed to be the makeup of the friendship, especially if its one-sided.

Appreciate your friends, not what they can do for you.

That's all

The Lessons of Music

The other day, me and Barney were driving... and I was on the phone so I had the radio playing.... On comes "So Into you" by Fabolous featuring Tamia....

I immediately got of the phone.

This was me and David's song.

I sat and listened as I drove. Remembering the good the bad and the ugly of "Stinkface". I started to think of everything. The emotions started to rise and just as i felt the tears rise with them...the song changed...

To "Best I never had" by Beyonce...

God has a cruel sense of humor

I am a BUM!

Yup, I said it.

Hi, My name is Sioban and I am a bum bottom joint.

I was talking to my "boyfriend" (LOL) and as much as we have text, Its always playful. I asked him yesterday what does he do for work and just actual question about his life... The nigga is amazing. Hearing him talk about what he does, what he wants to accomplish, his goals, his drive...UGH! I sat an read each text with utter respect for him and utter disgust for myself. We're both the same age and here he is, working 2 job, balancing a social life, knows what he wants for his future, and how he plans on getting it... and on top of it he is humble. You would never even know that this is what he is about. When he was telling me, he made it sound like it was no big deal. Like he was "average". I wanted to kick him... lol

Then here my bum ass on unemployment, but still tweeting Rick Ross Lyrics like i got a Maybach outside instead of a purple Ford Edge, watching Maury, eating cream of wheat in my bed, 26, no idea what I want t do with my life, so definitely no path on how to get there. Everyone always says I am too hard on myself, but I feel like I am wasting this life away. I always get mad when people get late or give me the run around because I hate when they waste my time... I get smart and usually say "I can always earn more money but I can never get my time back" I be legit tight at people. Its only right I am even more upset with myself for wasting my own time.

After speaking with him, I looked at jobs, handled some personal business, and just got motivated. I didn't turn into superwoman... (lets not get crazy), but he gave me the reminder that i could be doing so much more and so much better. I told him i appreciated him for it, but I not think he even understand how much him being him has inspired me to be great. I really do appreciate this fake text message relationship. Lol...

I owe him a non-alcoholic drink... what are they called?... oh a Mocktail... lol... when I get my first unemployment check.

Claims

Someone called me a blogger the other day. I was a little shocked. No one has ever called me that before. I had never even considered myself that before. I replied "I am not a blogger". He asked why i thought i wasn't, if I had been blogging for over a year. I maintain it, I put time and effort into it. I enjoy it. Why am I not a blogger?

I said something that I don't remember. I don't like to be wrong. Lol. But I honestly don't know why I don't consider myself a blogger. It seems like too easy. Like I do it but its fun. I put work into it, but its not like work for me. I have errors and all throughout this jawn, and If I'm busy, I don't blog.

I always been this way tho. I used to write poetry in high school. I never considered myself a writer or a poet. It just seems claiming something, giving yourself that title...encompasses a lot more than just putting work towards it a few times.

I think the same goes for relationships. People (and i will say, in most cases females... but some males do this too) are so pressed to get a title in a relationship. to star claim in this other person. What did you do to earn this title? Oh, you have up the moot a few times jawn? Oh, Ok. So did a few other girls that you don't even know about. Porn stars give it up filthy like 7 times a day... no one claiming them...

Oh, so you cooked a few meals? So did McDonald's, but you don't see Ronald getting claimed.

Its so much more in depth. You have to put work in to claim a title to me. One day, maybe I will consider myself a blogger, or a writer, or whatever.


For now I'm just a weirdo with a Mac and wifi...

Y'all know I love you right...?

*Tip Toes into Blogspot*

Hey y'all, don't be mad I haven't been around. I was in Florida, and I had no computer and I have been trying to get this life together, but i think i just might be making it worse.... typical Sio.

This unemployed life is something I was not prepared for. I thought I would be relaxed and easily looking for jobs while i collected unemployment. Nope. I sell haven't gotten the unemployment money and I am not sure what job I want to even for to look for it ( I have been able to get some quality Maury time in tho). So i open ever job I see that may look interesting and guess I'm doing "research" (I always hated research in all classes. I think its the Capricorn in me. I just wanted to get the damn point and the work)

But I am back. My comp don't have a charger yet but don't judge. Baby Steps...

Hot & Cold

Nothing I hate more than a Hot & Cold nigga

Y'all got to let me talk my shit out here tonight...

I was talking to my Capricorn Puerto Rican Kindred Spirit and I know I am not the only one.

I am a blunt person, and I want it straight... Don't tell me how much you miss me and whisper sweet nothings in my ear one minute, then the next act like you wasn't just skyping me.

Don't play yourself or me.

You feeling me, fine. We don't have to make it public, and you don't have to be up under me all the time, but when I text you and you hit me with the one word answers, or when I'm visiting you and you act like you see me daily... that's the shit that turns me off

Example:
*Skype at 2:23am*
Him- You look so beautiful
Her- Chill, you gassing me.
Him- No I am not
Her- Whateva, How was your day tho?
Him- Great, i really did miss talking to you. Couldnt wait til this skype date...

*Fast Forward to the Morning*
Me- Good Morning
Him- Sup
Her- Nothing whats up with you?
Him- Chillen
Her- What you doing today
Him IDK...

Wait, this cant be the same nigga I un-wrapped my hair, put make up on, and the low cut shirt for to Skype with the night before at the crack of ass dawn knowing good and well i got work the next day... nah

This aint the same nigga that was playing J. holiday songs for me and giving me the lusty eyes through a webcam.... nah

You want me? Tell me. You don't want me? Tell me.

But the back and forth, hot and cold, feeling you and not feeling you...Miss me with that bullshit.

Consistency is key. And when I have to stress on top of all the other shit I got to worry about, I don't want to have to rack my brain worrying if you still trying to deal with me.

Also, you think you playing hard to get. Girls have breaking points which I think some men fail to realize. Eventually, we gonna get fed up. We feel like we getting curved. Or you're not worth the stress of the guessing game.

I don't ask for much. Respect my hustle, be honest, and if you feeling me... feel me. Don't fake cause you trying to be cool...

I never really like the cool kids anyways.

Love Jones

I watched Love Jones three times this weekend. Yup 3 times. I needed some type of reassurance that love conquers all. I still believe that. I just don't think people know what the fuck love is. Seriously.

We use the word love so freely, I'm guilty of it too. There is no word for between like and love so i just go with it. But love... real love, the word can never live up to. The type of love Nina and Darius had, it was raw but real. They felt it from the first time they made love, to that last kiss in the rain and beyond. I want to say I miss that, but right now... I feel like I never had that.

Love is a decpticon if I ever saw one.

Friends to Lovers to Strangers

Friends- You make me laugh... You're cute... I enjoy your company...

Lovers- You're touch makes me shiver. You're kiss makes me want more. You're sex makes me talk in different languages

Strangers- How you been? Havent spoke to you in a minute.... Yea I am chilling

Its a disgusting cycle. The Friends to Lovers to Strangers cycle. I have seen it happen it many of time. I have been in this cycle more than I actually wanted to be (once was once too much). You are sharing inside jokes, play fighting, and genuinely enjoying the other person. Then, that line is crossed.

That line where play fights become foreplay.

That line where inside jokes become you inside of me.

That line where genuinely enjoying each others company become genuinely wanting you.

Thats a good ass line to cross...

Oh, but there is another tricky ass line that always is around. The line you cross when you realize there is no love amongst the lovers. The line you cross when you realize that your "friend line" has no backsies....

The stranger line. Where good morning texts daily become infrequent "hey, whats up" texts. You be lucky if you get them monthly.

Where you see their name on Skype, and just look over it when before your wouldn't hesitate to hit video call.

Where you realize the person who seemed to know almost everything about your body, knows almost nothing about YOU.

Shit sucks like a hoe whose kid's school fees are due the next day...

I wish I wasn't a victim of this cycle... I haven't been with many men, but I was friends with every single one before I gave them the VaYummy... and with the exception of my trifling ass ex, they were all what I believe to be amazing men. Maybe we cared too much about each other and it hurts to stay close emotionally when you're not close physically. Maybe its hard to let someone know your intimate secrets when they been intimate with your secrets. Maybe its the awkwardness of knowing you cant hear a sex song in the car together knowing you was just fucking to it not to long ago...

Fuck it, maybe its just me...

Whateva the case may be... that stranger line is a bitch who is always on her period.

You Know Who You Are...

Low key, this has been my personal Hell Week

I'm just glad God gave me an angel to help me get through it...

Wear it like your Skin

"Doesn't matter what a girl has on, if she not wearing confidence... Her outfit will never be complete"- ME

Yea I drop knowledge every once in a while...

I do not know one female who thinks they are perfect. 100% absolutely un-flawed perfection. If they do, they a damn liar and I wont trust them as far as I can throw them (which isn't very far since I have no upper body strength). Everyone has insecurities...

Want to know a secret? I hate my height... all 5'9 of this cafe con leche-ness... I cant stand it. If I had to choose I'd be 5'7 max. I tower over my midget friends, I look like an oger. Its crazy... I'd also like smaller thighs, smaller breast and a bigger ass...

But since I wasn't blessed with those things, dont have a genie, or an unlimited supply of money and a good plastic surgeon, I got to work with what I got.

Insecurities does not equal lack of confidence...

I know I'm a giant... but I'm still throwing on these platforms, and if you not hitting my height... then that your problem my man... I am not wearing flats in the club cause God gave me your extra inches...

My thighs aren't small, doesn't mean I am not gonna throw on this skirt and show them off... if you dont like them... look away... *shrug*

I want females to be able to accept what they think are flaws and accentuate what they like about themselves. Be confident that you look good. Carry a grace about you that you're beautiful, regardless if you dont have an ass that you can rest a Pepsi can on...

Don't go crazy and come out looking like this and think you doing it big and you the baddest bitch in the park...


But be yourself, and be confident that yourself is amazing...

How can you expect someone to think your amazing if you dont share their thoughts?

Good Girl Gone Bad

You ever heard a line but never really... like REALLY... understood it. That was my line. I heard it in Jay-Z and Rihanna songs, but its not until you live it that you understand.

I understand now.

I was always the good girl. Naivety and me were better friends than I ever knew. After January when me and my ex broke up, reality slapped me harder than Ike when Tina ain't sing the song the way he wanted her too. I didn't know what to expect, but I could of never expected this...

That relationship bubble I was in must of been made with bullet proof glass. Cause none of the ratchet shit going on penetrated through. I was so confused.

I ain't gonna lie, shit my ex- did to me hurt. Not cause I care about him (which I DID), but because I dead gave him my everything. And it wasn't good enough.

Then I fucked up and fell in like with another nigga. Maybe it was too soon. Maybe I didn't learn my lesson yet. He didn't do anything to hurt me except be a good person cause I couldn't help but care about him. So when I saw that it wasn't gonna work, I curved myself. One of my life lessons is know when to let go. You got to bow out with grace. Crazy part is I actually miss him more than I miss my ex I'd never admit it in public though. Not cause I want to be with him or anything, cause I understand that ship has sailed. But because he was a part of my life everyday for 4 months straight, and now we hardly speak... Friends to Lovers to Strangers post coming soon seem to be a common theme with me.

I asked one of my male friends "Doesn't it fuck you up a little bit knowing that when someone ask a girl the question 'Who hurt you?', that you're the answer"

He replied no without any hesitation.

And I made a vow when me and my ex first broke up to not become bitter. I feel like I'm there now. Someone told me that "being bitter is OK... staying bitter is the problem". I see their point, but I don't want to be bitter at all.

However, Old Sio is gone. The girl that actually cared has died, and an emotionless Phoenix has risen from them ashes of betrayal and naivety. How can you expect someone not change when you give them no choice?

How can you expect someone to not act strange when they dated a stranger for 8 years?

I'm not gonna hoe or anything, cause I dont have the capacity to spread my moot around like "I cant believe its not butter". Nope, not this quality moot magic... But I don't expect anything romantic. Actually, I am shying away from it. I may go on a date here and there and see where it goes...

But right now, only person I am interested in being in a relationship with is my money, and I got to make sure my bitch right before I get left.

Bottom

I ate nutella out the jar with a fork...

Ive hit bottom. Its officially official.

August 1st marked the beginning of the week that solidified that 2011 was NOT my year. Just when I thought my ex couldn't possibly get more trifling and nothing he could do would possibly faze me, the universe proves me wrong

I wont go into to details, but if you still read this blog... Fuck you.

Its just been issue after issue. I am now gainfully UNEMPLOYED even though that's semi the highlight of my week... But I don't know how to handle it. Ive been working since I was 14. 12 Years of working straight and now I dont know what to do with myself

So now I am home, eating nutella out of the jar. with a fork. in superman boxers that I am not quite sure the origin of and I am watching movies and feeling like a lowly bitch. This aint me...

Paid in Full

I love Paid in Full. Watched it Twice this weekend... As I watched the movie, as sexy as Mekhi Phifer is in it as Mitch, I want Ace. Give me the man with all the ambition, make sure anyone he cares for is good, but leads with a powerful lowkey silence...

One of my favorite parts of the movie is when they in the dinner and he says to Keisha "Why you with me. I'm boring... Why don't you get one of these flashy niggas?" and Keisha reply "I'm with you cause I'm boring too."



I want an Ace to make me boring. Y'all Can have the Mitches and Ricos

Heels, Halo, and Scambled Eggs...

Ok, so every Wednesday, me and some amazing people get together and chill. Its our way of talking about whatevas on our mind, cooking, taking a break from the weekends craziness... whateva. its spending quality time. One of the males in attendance had been watching FUSE Beyonce Takeover and he said as a direct quote...

"I need a joint to sing Halo while she scramble my eggs in the morning"

Beyonce fucking this game up for us B...Especially with this "cookbook" she got coming out...Cant knock her hustle tho

One, I cant sing. Two, I am not wearing no ones heels, and lingerie to cook breakfast every morning. Cause you gonna want something else with them eggs... like sausage, pancakes, hash browns and I don't even eat hasbrowns. Now, I'm in my stilettos slipping on oil, and ain't nothing sexy about an Emergency room visit.

As we spoke further in detail, he explained, that its nice to have his woman do something nice like that for him every once in a while, which is true... I used to do nice, thoughtful, shit stuff all the time. But it has to be reciprocated. I was speaking to the Ying to my Yang, and we both said its not the flowers or impersonal shit that's romantic to us, its the things that are thoughtful and specially tailored to us. So if you sent me a flower arrangement, if its not my favorite flowers, I hope the card got something thoughtful, cause I care about the meaning behind it. Someone might be saying "isn't it the thought that counts". Yea it is... but if you didn't but any thought into it, you should of just kept it.

So... what you will get is me in the 3 for $30 Vicki Boy shorts (those are the fancy ones), a wife beater, and some slipper socks... shaking the little cake I do got to "No hands"... You gonna get this breakfast... and I'm gonna break you off before we go to work. Yea, I'm gonna be in lingerie one day when you come home with the heels you like and treat you like the king you are to me...

But remember, once a King takes a mate, whether she was a princess or a peasant, she becomes a Queen.

I am not big on spoiling me. Never have and I doubt I ever will maybe that was one of the problems... but I like shit done for me too sometimes. I want to wake up to you in some silk boxers, or Armani Exchange boxer briefs, making me some porridge (yall know I love porridge), with Donell Jones "I wanna Love you" playing in the background.

I want a nigga to hand wash my hair with rose water in a tub surrounded by candles with Anthony Hamilton "The point of it all" wafting through the air...

Yall go to make me stop watching Single Ladies

The homegirls said I'm asking for too much. One actually said "Bitch you better be lucky he even attempting to handle that thick ass hair"

In my dreams, I'm a hopeless romantic. In life... I am a realist. I doubt this would ever happen... If it does, its probably by a nigga using my identity to launder money. But I can dream no? My homeboys fantasy will probably happen before any of mine, because that's just the way the cookie crumbs. And thats fine. Let him be happy.

My point here is just to make sure men are doing their part too. She feels just as good, if not better when you go out your way and do something special for her.

Dont ask for a Queen if you not ready to be a King

PSA...

Ive gotten texts, tweets, and now posts about the blog. I hate excuses but my computer is broken and I cant blog from my job computer. I promise I will be back soon. I have a whole lot to say... Trust.

Thank you for holding me accountable.