As The Year Comes To An End...

Happy Saturday people...

So I am sitting here in my bed. I have absolutely nothing to do. And it feels amazing. But an idle mind is the devils playground. I was on twitter bored and I saw something that made me upset... Long story short... Texts were exchanged and in conclusion I said... "You got it" and meant it. All the while Im having a conversation with people that have help me down like no other and I realize, Ive come full circle.

I knew this post was going to have to happen. I knew it since January. I was going to have to look back at my year and figure what I learned Through all the lessons, through all the changes, through everything... What was it all for?

Balance.

This year has been an experience. Ive tried new things. Experienced a decades worth of living in less that 12 months. Let me see f I can paraphrase..

Not everything is for everyone
I don't like Mayo, some people do. I ate some mayo this year... I still hate it. I don't like being popular/mixxy... some people do. It was fun for a bit... Then the people talking about you, making assumptions about you life, tinkling your friends because they met you at events or they follow you on twitter starts to take a toll on you... or well me... This life isn't for me... and thats fine. Ill let the people who like it, have it...

"Friendships"
I was a Girl scout... one of the songs we used to sing was "Make new friends, but keep the old... some are silver and the others are gold" I always loved this song... Mainly cause I was always meeting new people, even at a young age, and I loved it. New point of views, new interactions, maybe meeting someone who could change your life... LOVED IT. But the thing that always made me feel safe in all of this was knowing my real gold... my family (Now let me explain something. I call people friends or homeboy/homegirl for lack of a better word. People who are my friends... who i will hold down through thick or thin and they should have no doubt... Those people I call my family...)... would be there for me. I have met fakes, frauds, delusionals, schizos, crazies, and more this year. Ive also met mazing people who have been there for me more than people who Ive known for years and didn't even pick up the phone to make sure I was good... quality, not quantity. I have sorted through the quantity and noted the quality. They give me life.. But that doesn't mean I can't share a joke with someone who I wouldn't share my life with. Im gonna enjoy life and peoples company cause Im gonna make the most of this experience since i can only do it one time... YOLO


Sometimes you need to turn it up
My favorite line used to be..."I can't do/be a part of this... I have a 401k... " as a reminder to calm down and not spazz. I am usually the voice of reason when it comes to acting crazy... but this year I learned... spazzing out every once in a while is appropriate. Some people say stupid things, and you have to show them you are the bigger person. Then there are people who bait you, and you have to show them that you aren't pussy. Some people only respect crazy. Thats fine... You asked for it.. Im not the spazzing type... thats just not me and I have enough friends to do that for me... But there is a thin line between chilling and doormat

Im a 36 Mafist
One of my favorite songs from 36 Mafia is "Dont Save her"... "Dont Save her... she don't want to be saved". I follow this philosophy as well. My friends call me "captain save a hoe". I've come to terms with that... Thats who I am. The person I am won't let me NOT help... But there are limits... I can't help no one that don't want to help themselves. Why am I wasting my time and energy stressing myself for you and you don't care and/or you just gonna make the same mistake over and over again? I got my own issues... I can't waste my solutions on your reoccurring ones...

Im a softy
Im the joint that says "I love you"/"I miss you" often. My friends use to say how "gay" it was... (y'all know I love the gays. I was just quoting them). So this year... I tried something new. I hid my feelings and It felt weird... and I still kind of got hurt. so what THEE FUCK was the point? I am going back to my mushy self. I am telling people I love them often. Tell people exactly what I feel when I feel it. Sadly, I got a reminder why I did that. You never know when the person will never be able to hear it again. I never want my friends/family to doubt my feelings towards them. I remembered how horrible it feels wanting to tell someone how you feel and wishing they knew. Wishing you had some kind of sign they heard, and wanting to know how they feel too.

Now there is more... but these stuck out the most today... I got some more coming before the end of the year... but one thing we all have to remember...

You may not be where you want to be... but that God you are not where you were.