Im an idiot...

I was talking with my young jawn @_DaveyBaby... (sn- read her blog here)... and we realized that we have problem.. a legit problem...

We never want the ones that want us. The ones that make it easy can easily get dismissed. We want the ones that are rude and act like they don't or really don't want us. I love a challenge... Lord knows I do. so when the guy who tells me I'm cute really rude... then acts like he said something real regular like the sky is blue...

Yea... I wants him.

Dont get me wrong. I actually have some really good men lined up and I can't commit to them. Not that i don't want to... read that again... CANT.

I am not bitter, I am honest with myself... I just don't have time for the back and forth... the fakeness to get into my Vickies and learn about my secrets... then the drifting apart because we realize I got too much going on and he wants more than I have to offer. I think the issue i have is when they come correct... well they coming correct. Shit scarier than Utica ave in BK during labor day weekend...

I don't know about Davey, but I think they Im convinced love don't love me. Ive been in love before... If i do that shit again I need him to show me its real. Drizzy. Once I start feeling like I might be into a guy... i start curving him like the FDR highway. But once he starts ignoring me... GAWD ... emoji face with the hearts in the eyes...

I know I have a problem. I am ok with that. I am being honest with myself. But... can you blame me? I broke up with my ex fiancé... and well.. we all know how that went. Last guy I seriously talked to... well... we know how that went... I really am not ready for it right now. Its not that Im still in love my ex or still hung up on old flings. I just an genuinely uninterested in something serious and putting energy into something I am not up for. Its kind of like going to the club for a friends birthday when your not in the mood. You there dressed up but everyone can see in your face that you not there fun. It brings everyone down... You should of just stayed home.

Do i get lonely sometimes and miss having a man around...? Lord Knows *Rick Ross voice* But Id rather not lie to myself and lead a good guy on then have a few dates and then have bad blood that I wasted both of our time. I wish I had the mentality to sleep with them and move on... but my heart and moot don't cooperate... but thats another post.

I showed my Grandma a pic of one of my ex jawns... and she called me an idiot yesterday... I looked at her like O_O. Yea he looks good no seriously... like I swerved the car a bit when I saw it and almost had to change my draws but why force something thats not there? Ive been told a few times that I am an idiot because of the men that have made it clear that they want me and to make me happy and I run form them like Usain Bolt. I don't think there is anything wrong with not dating. Especially if you just don't want to. This isn't about #WhoHurtYou... its about who I don't want to hurt. Thats why the rude guys are so appealing. I don't feel like when I get tired of them they won't feel a way. They don't invest much so much won't be lost... like time, friendships, money... (only maybe my panties... LOL..j/k... or am I)...

*sigh* I am sure I am gonna be single forever...