Its a sad day….

…when you realize the one who you were supposed "stay friends" with, never was your friend in the first place…

When you realize the building you were doing was not for forever… but until we stop fucking. The day you realize he may care, but not enough to not be toxic to you.

The mutual friend struggle with it, Jesucristo. Seeing your friends with him… Having to put on the fake smile so you don't make it awkward… Looking at each other wanting to say more but knowing its not part of your new "platonic" relationship, it pulls at your heart. There is always that question of if we stayed friends, why wouldn't we stay lovers. Then it hits you one day, after random drunken phone calls of why he didn't care… snide remarks or side eyes at the new jawn... unplanned sex after just chilling and catching up… Y'all never were friends. Y'all never had the real friendship connection. So now that its said and done… you can't continue what never really was started.

So the inside jokes all go to waste. Picking up the phone to call and share a story that only they would understand, you have to think twice about. You have to catch yourself before you double tap the like on the instagram, and you can't retweet him when he pops up on your timeline because you blocked him a long time ago and its the principle.

Three weeks ago my old joint sent me a text about something completely trivial. Mind you, we were supposed to been meet up and I was waiting for a time. But instead he pressed me about pettiness. I spazzed. I had a rough wee and a bit might of been displaced aggression but the nigga hadn't asked about my day in months. Told him my grandpa sick and what he was talking was irrelevant… he knew how close to my grandfather I am and he still didn't ten feign concern. If he was really my "friend" these things would have happened. Thats when I realized enough was enough. Then I saw him 3 days later, after I had calmed down, he was acting childish. He didn't even try and make amends and  even said good evening with no reply. And still no concern. Thats when I knew he had to go. He hit me up recently and it hurt like hell to have to curve him… but I had to curve him. He even played me a bit for it… Rubbed salt in my wound with that… but this just made me realize I did the right thing.

 This would have never happened with my friends... my real ones… the one i ride for. I don't expect that in return because i do it without reward, but i never HAVE to expect it. They do it without a first, second, or third thought. God forbid something happened to my grandfather, id have friends on the turnpike before the end of the call, and he couldn't get pass this one irrelevant thing. Thats not a friend.

I seen a nigga send a 12 page text on my homegirl bday about HIS feelings. That is not a friend.

I seen a girl convince my homeboy to have sex with her after his friend died cause he was vulnerable and she didn't like the fact they stopped talking. That is not a friend

A guy i used to talk to forgot my brother name and got mad when i took his call. That is not a friend.

One of the hardest things is when you truly care about, or even love, someone, realizing they are not supposed to be in your life. At this age, negativity should be scarce, and the people in your life should do more harm than good. You may love him, but I've said it before… Love isn't always enough.

When people have third degree burns, doctors have to cut off the dead burned flesh so the new flesh can grow and heal.

Happy cutting people