Cant blame the Kiwi

So as a blogger (which I really don’t think I am but whatever), I love reading other peoples blogs. One of the best things about it is finding out you are not the only person who thinks this way. You are not crazy. One of my favorite emo blogs is www.marcandangel.com. They did a recent post called 10 ways to Break Your Own Heart (yea the titles sounds corny but bear with me guys). Here is the list:


1. Let people invalidate or minimize how you feel. – If you feel something, you feel it and it’s real to you. Nothing anyone says has the power to invalidate that, ever. No one else lives in your body, or sees life through your eyes. No one else has lived through your exact experiences. And so, no one else has the right to dictate or judge how you feel. Your feelings are important. Don’t let anyone lead you to believe otherwise.

2. Regret every mistake you’ve ever made. – If you regret some of the decisions you’ve made in the past, stop being so hard on yourself. At that time, you did your best with the knowledge you had. At that time, you did your best with the experience you had. Your decisions were made with a younger mind. If you were to make these decisions with the wisdom you have now, you would choose differently. So give yourself a break. Time and experience has a wonderful way of helping us prosper, grow and learn to make better choices today, for ourselves and those we care for. Read Emotional Freedom .

3. Take your loved ones for granted. – Someday, for one reason or another, there will be someone you miss dearly. Missing this person will have nothing to do with how long it’s been since you’ve seen them, or the amount of time since you’ve talked. It will be about that very moment when you’re doing something and you wish they were right there with you. So be sure to appreciate every moment you get to spend with the people who matter to you.

4. Let your ego get the best of you. – Sometimes we choose to be wrong, not because we really are wrong, but because we value our relationship more than our pride. When two people who care about each other fight, both are wrong. They have put some kind of superficial outcome over love and compromise. The one who apologizes and makes up first, is the one who is right.

5. Get involved in every petty argument that comes your way. – Being strong doesn’t mean you have to stay and fight all the battles and petty arguments that come your way. Being strong doesn’t mean you have to respond to rude remarks. Don’t retort by throwing insults back at them. Don’t bring yourself down to their level. That’s what they want. Keep your dignity. True strength is being smart enough to walk away from all the nonsense with your head held high. Read The Four Agreements .

6. Join the negativity committee. – No matter how much negativity is thrown at you by others, there is absolutely no need for you to stay put and participate in the self-destruction they choose for their own lives. You decide how your soul grows. The extent of your happiness depends on the quality of your thoughts. So be positive. Some of the best days of your life haven’t happened yet.

7. Rush love. – A good relationship is when two people accept each other’s past, support each other’s present, and love each other enough to encourage each other’s future. So don’t rush love. Find a partner who encourages you to grow, who won’t cling to you, who will let you go out into the world, and trust that you will come back. This is what true love is all about, and it’s always worth the wait.

8. Hold on to those who don’t want to stay. – It’s really painful to say goodbye to someone that you don’t want to let go of, but it’s even more painful to hold on to them if they never wanted to stay in the first place. If someone doesn’t show you the same love that you show them, and acts as if you are unimportant most of the time, this may be a big clue as to the fact that you don’t need them in your life either. The only people you truly need in your life are those who respect you and want you to be in theirs.

9. Ignore every bit of constructive criticism you receive. – The worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves. A true friend will always speak the truth, even if it hurts. So don’t assume that every critic in your life is a hater. Not everyone is hating on you. Some people truly care about you, and are simply telling you the truth that you have been subconsciously denying. Read The Mastery of Love .

10. Give up on yourself. – Maneuvering through difficult times is a lot like driving through dense fog. You can’t always see where you’re going, you feel a little lost, you want to turn back, and every mile feels like forever. Yet, scared or fatigued as you might be, there’s nothing you can do but breathe, focus on the road ahead, keep moving forward, and trust that a force with keener vision than yours is out there functioning as your guide

Y’all see number 8 in bold? Yea, there is a reason for that. I figured this out a while ago. As I write this I’m coming off of a self induced depression after having to cut off the original GAN. I been moping for days after sending him an email letting him know we tried but failed. We cant be active in each others lives anymore. It hurt but whateva. I just didn’t get why he was ok hurting me like this… then I read the post.

I was hurting my mother fucking self.

I’m allergic to kiwi. It’s not the kiwi fault I’m allergic. But it is my fault that I keep trying to eat it. I got to stop blaming the kiwi. I love him. It’s not his fault I love him. But it is my fault I keep trying to love him despite knowing it won’t work. I can’t blame him.

So as I write this, am I running in sunflower fields twirling and embracing life. Nah. I’m still a bit sad I can’t text him when Ja Rule come on. Or if I watch Cheaters I automatically think of him. Or the one of our mutual friends mention his name. But I’m moving on. And at least with baby steps, you’re still moving forward.