Memoirs of a 28 year old

I looked into my grandma's eyes and she said to me "I need you to hit the lotto, because I'm tired. I can't work anymore" she said it with a smile and as a joke.... But that killed me inside. This is the woman who made sure I went to etiquette class so no one would prejudge me. Who, when my absent minded mother was off in lala land, made sure I was still set in life. When I thought I wasn't going to be able to finish college cause I had too many loans, she paid cash so I could get that degree.

I'm 28. Actually this is my last day as 28. A few hours from 29. My last year of my 20’s and I look at the life I'm living and it's not at ALL like the life I thought I'd have. I thought I'd be married with a kid(s), living in an apartment in Westchester about to buy a home, working as a Marketing manager by now. Instead, I'm single, living with a roommate, and doing event planning. Granted, I'm blessed. But when you look at the day to day, and you see those Sallie Mae bills that make you contemplate the different ways you can chef up Ramen Noodles (I like adobo and Siracha), you think everyone living better than you and you just wonder where you went wrong.

You didn't. Everyone is trying to grind out, everyone is trying to be better. Some people were blessed with talents, or recognition of their passion at early ages. I don't think anyone except for Oprah or Beyonce is where they want to be in life and even those heffas still pushing.  

We look at age and we expect more. We give each ourselves these false timelines based off of where others are (who are honestly aren’t just as good as them seem) and we depress ourselves. We discourage ourselves. We go from being our own biggest fan, to our worst critic. Our mindset  becomes our biggest obstacle. 

I cried that night grandma said that to me. I cried rewriting these words. But, I didn’t let it hinder me. I use it as a positive driving force daily. When I wonder why I wake up and do what I do, I remember her face. Im not a creative, i don’t have a talent thats my “passion”. My passion is the people I love. Making them proud, and being there for them in any way possible. So if thats working my ass of at a 9-5 thats really a 9-9 so my grandma doesn’t have to worry about buying a dress for a church dance… ill do that with a smile. 

You are exactly where you are supposed to be on your journey. Dont let others show you how to live your life.