Love

This year had been all about love for me. Love lost. Love almost had. Love found.

Love Lost-

I miss you, but then I don't. I miss what I thought was. I miss what these rose colored glasses only allowed me to see. "I miss the love right after the fights, you can't tell me you don't remember those nights" *Weezy voice*. I miss the future we planned. I miss the baby we never had. I miss the wedding you made me plan knowing that i would be planning a divorce soon after if we really did it. I miss telling you every 21st "happy anniversary" happy 21st y'all. I miss you. But I didn't know you. Whose fault was that? Im still honestly not sure. I take some of the blame because i chose to ignore things that I shouldn't of. I don't doubt you loved me at one point, I just don't know what changed it... you or me. I miss the memory.

Love almost had-

I actually laugh when I think about you. I fought you. I fought my feelings of like and lust. It was a useless attempt. I fell in like with you despite my better judgement. I started to let you into my heart. Luckily, the deepest you got into me was physical. However, you legitimately disappoint me. I look at you and see someone I would of pushed my fears aside and did it all for again. You are something special. I wish you would see it yourself. You could of been so much more. We could of been so much more. Now people talk to me about you and tell me I could do better than you. I never expected that from you. The person you showed me and the person you actually are, they are two different people, and I didn't sign up for a Ménage à trios. I am honestly over what was because the person you are, I want no parts of. But, if the person I thought you were ever comes back, have him Skype me.

Love Found-

You have no idea how happy I am to love you. I fought this for so long. I was too busy giving all my love away to others to realize how much you mean to me. I don't even know how you waited so long for me to come around. I ignored you, neglected you, pushed you off on others, and didn't realize your value. I didn't take into consideration your needs and for that Im sorry. But now that we have gotten pass that, Im glad we can grow together. I have no doubt that others will try and come and separate us again, but just know, now that i realize how much you mean to me, no one can ever take what we have. Im not always gonna love you 100% everyday, but know that I will always realize your worth Sioban. Always.