Beauty Is in the Eye of the Beholder

I’m 5’9, I’m tatted, I snort when I laugh, I’m chubby, my feet big, and so is my head… I’m not perfect and I know this. I also know I am not Beyonce. I’m not everyone’s first choice when they see a room full of joints, but I’m cute, and I got all my edges so that says something.


One of my biggest issues coming up was I felt like I wasn’t pretty. Let me rephrase that. I wasn’t attractive. I have a cute face and appealing parts *looks down at the twins*, but I never felt holistically attractive. Like I didn’t walk in a room and men would be like “damn, who’s that?”. Most All of my jawns have been friends of friends, then we got cool… and then we got “cool”. My personality is probably what got me 99.9% of my jawns (I say it like I’ve had a lot but we all know that’s not true… let me cook though lol). I never was someone that a guy just picked up off the street and we went on a date.

However, let me state this… I have 6 types of men that ALWAYS try and talk to me… It never fails…

 Fat Men

 Short Men

 African Men

 Dominican Men

 Ugly Men (though I was told this the default for every female)

 Lesbians



If I want any of the above, I got them for the most part. They never fail to eye me or smile at me... I dont know why but I difgress. Don’t get me wrong… There might be one or two of those categories I like too (Ill let your mind wander on that)… but for the most part… I am not with nothing. I’ve said it before, my ex got me cause he was the first man that made me feel beautiful/sexy at the same damn time *future voice* he wasn’t always scum. I was afraid to leave because I really didn’t think I would find anyone else, especially someone I was attracted too. Then, my first old jawn walks in… meeting pretty much all my “fantasy” requirements (basically, all the stuff that REALLY turned me on about a man, but I never thought I was attractive enough to get). Me and him don’t speak anymore or for right now, life funny that way, but I do have to give him credit. He gave me my confidence back unknowingly. He made me realize that, 1- I don’t have to be physically attractive to be attractive, it’s a complete package and 2- Self-esteem and being comfortable with yourself is one of the most attractive things on a female. Even the baddest joint look like Rosanne Arnold when they don’t know their bad.

It’s not easy though, when you have men tweeting/facebooking/blogging/ drooling about preferences that look NOTHING like you. Its cause a little cringe in your soul when you in the kitchen cooking for a man then check twitter and see him making the heart eye’d emoji to a Brazilian joint with a big butt and long hair and you out here with “Nassatal” and a bob. Society doesn’t make it easier. You see joints out here looking like Barbie dolls on TV and you looking like a stick figure (not me… I already said in this post I’m chubby, but I got to rep for my skinny friends).

How am I supposed to feel when Rick Ross… RICK “MY TITTIES BIGGER THAN YOURS” ROSS… out here rapping about a chick who look like a bag of money, when I’m walking around looking like a sock full of quarters?

Answer: I’m supposed to feel beautiful.

Ladies, please do not let a man’s preference affect your self esteem.

Not everyone is going to think you’re gorgeous, but that fine. You’re still pretty. Beauty is really in the eye of the beholder. And just cause sexy ass Tyrone from down the block doesn’t think you’re gorgeous, doesn’t mean fine Hakeem from around the corner doesn’t. However, you so hung up on the one “rejection” (I use that cause I couldn’t find a better word), you can’t even notice.

Don’t miss looking at your next man cause your hanging your head from the one you never even had.

Now, I look back at my roster, and y’all can’t tell me nothing. I have pulled some great men just not great for me apparently. I don’t feel a way when I see someone who is very attractive and they don’t give me a second look. What is meant to be will be. Forcing chemistry causes explosions, and I’m just healing for the last burns…So I chalk it up as a loss.

Perception is everything. Don’t make someone else’ perception of you change your perception of yourself.

"You done got with us niggas--now you talking about, "You fucked up my self-esteem." Bitch, it's called SELF esteem. It's esteem of your mother-fuckin' SELF, Bitch!" –Katt William