Put in Some Work

I got a call. It was the middle of the night. He told me he loved me.


I laughed.

But then I looked out the window and it was definitely a full moon. Made sense. Yall know when the moon full, so is your inbox… full of bullshit. Cause there could be no other reason that this man who I had stopped dealing with God knows how long ago was on my phone professing a love for me when he never even put in effort to act like he liked me. He wasn’t even drunk.

One of biggest problem with relationships, platonic or romantic, is that people think it’s a right. No. It’s a privilege. Other than family (which is still up for debate), you do not HAVE to be in someone’s life. I really do understand why people feel they have an obligation to someone…

I don’t want to abandon them.

I care about them despite *insert trifling shit here*…

They haven’t done anything disrespectful for me to cut them off.

This is not me passing judgment, because those exact statements have come from my mouth. Recently. I’m a work in progress. But as times passed and I get older… things are starting to be put more and more in perspective. I cherish the people in my life. Friends, family, old jawns, whoever, because I know it takes a second for them to be gone. I try and make the effort to show them I care, they're appreciated, I love them, miss them, whatever… because I would hate to lose them AND have to wonder if they ever knew. I know what it feels like to not feel like anyone’s priority, even if it’s all in my head. I don’t ask that people drop their life for me, cause that unrealistic. I do ask that people make an effort.

Why am I always the one reaching out to meet up?

Why am I always the one initiating a convo?

Why the only times I hear from you is cause you need something?

I have had conversations with people while sitting in the hospital, who til this day do not know that I was even sick, all because I consciously made the decision to tell them only if they asked if I was good or how my day was… I’m still waiting for them to ask.

This particular OJ (old jawn) has talked about missing me for months, but hasn’t offered a time to meet up. I ain’t doing it. If it’s my pride, so be it. I’d rather be proud than be worthless. Because having someone in your life that doesn’t find value in your time or presence considers you just that.

My horoscope said yesterday that the value of gold fluctuates; it goes up and down depending on the market. But if someone you truly care about gives you that piece of gold, the sentimental value of it exceeds whateva the market is trying to say (I paraphrased of course). Your time, your presence, your self shouldn’t be when they feel you can add value in their life and not show any type of effort back. And this isn’t about being bitter or hurt. This is about having self respect.

I’m still waiting for a follow up text/call/email/carrier pigeon to the I love you call btw*shrugs*