What means the world to you...

"I am no one in this world's priority"

These are the words I uttered to one my closest friends recently. Once I said them the tears flowed. I've known this for months. The realization hurt. But I internalize it. Kept it in cause why complain or sulk? It would not fix anything. But saying it... Speaking the words into existence... Made it to real for my weary heart to bear anymore. It's a horrible feeling. Knowing that friends, family, jawns don't put you up high on their priority list, whether it be purposely or not. It's like being in a room full of people and still feeling alone. I honestly believe that one of the reasons i stayed with the ex fiancé so long. Once I lost that feeling, I realized I had lost him. It honestly just sucks.

During the past week or so, I've brought up this topic subtly in conversations and got people's thoughts. Crazy part is alot of people feel the same way. Mainly in a romantic setting. They long to be someone's priority. I actually felt bad bringing up the topic cause the feelings were still strong in me so I felt guilty for adding company to my misery.

However, today.. As I sat and pondered over the argument I had with an ex GAN about my attitude towards him... How I felt guilty for making him feel that way and thought about apologizing and really trying to work on making whateva we were doing positive... Then how my homegirl confirmed he would of just ended up disappointing me (again) with all his side activities... I had to wonder what the real problem was here. It had to be me. And I was right....

Let's reevaluate my earlier statement.

"I am no one in this world's priority"

Not even my own.

That's where the real problem lies. I put everyone's feelings in front of mine. My consideration is at the bottom of people's list including my own. I am not here preaching the good bitter word saying "yea girl, once you know your worth so will he! You're your own queen and don't need a king to be royal! Look at queen Elizabeth!" *pops gums, rolls neck, and snaps fingers*

Yea.. No.

What I'm saying is the remedy to feeling like no ones priority is making YOURself YOUR priority... Yea, it's nice to know people care and think about you regularly. Just take you into consideration period. However, It will hurt alot less putting yourself before others who may not do the same for you (that's sounds semi bitter but I promise it's not.. It comes from an uplifting place). I want to avoid these feelings. Avoid anyone having this pain. At 20 something, we have enough issues... feeling like we aren't worth someone's worry shouldn't be one of them.

Go first. Sio second. Lets hope I get it together in time for 2013.