OUR SONG

I haven't done something like this in a minute... so although I'm not an artist, I'm still sensitive about my shit *Badu voice*



Everytime I hear this song... My mind pushes your face to the front... despite me keeping you in its back alleys for months....
and I wonder if every time the beat drops, does your heart drop too...
cause mine does...
almost as fast as my panties did...
My mind wanders to how your touch used to caress over my skin like her words caress over the piano...
How her voice gives me goosebumps like your kisses did.
I get chills,
and can't figure out if its from the music or from the memories.
I wonder if its affects you.
if you can't concentrate.
if you remember the times we had to this very song
OUR song...
I wonder how you feel and questions come to mind...
like..
Do you vibe to the beat like how i used to ride you to the beat?
Do you hear her voice in one ear and remember mine in your other?
Is the verse just as tight as me?
Her pitch as high as mine?
Cause you always used to bring me to a falsetto...
Does the base make your speakers vibrate as much as you used to make me?
I think about how the song wraps around my ear drums like my legs used to wrap around your waist.
I think about how....shit...
i just think about us.
About the us i been trying to forget for months...
for years...
I think about
as she hits the bridge... you hit my spot...
and I just want to uh, ah uhhhhh. with you...
forever.
But forever will never come....
Because just like this song, just like this passion, we had to come to an end.
And as much as i hit repeat...
Life, and other L words, do not have the same feature.
i think about..
How I want to feel your body weigh on my chest like our separations has weighed on my soul.
How I want to look into your eyes and feel hope right before i closed them and felt ecstasy.
How you pounded my doubts out like the drums in the background...
How I swallowed my pride... amongst other things..
How...as the sun rose, and the song ended... so did we. In more ways than one...
I want to listen to the song and feel the pleasure without the pain...
Remember without remorse
I don't want my eyes as wet as other body parts...
I want the song to play without me having the urge to change it...
but i never do
cause i can't change us...
So I embrace every emotion, good and bad, as i embrace every note
and just reminisce about your embrace....
And accept that this song has been tainted...
ruined
Kind of like my heart.
Accept as much as I wanna uh... uh... uuuuuuhhhhh
It can never be with you
again

A/S/L

Send the face with the tongue cause Im nasty...

Yall remember those online chatrooms that used to be poppin back in 2001? Everyone was on AOL trying to find a boo or talk their shit. Yea. Those. I was all up in those… SheCaramel85 ya heard me!… Little did I we know those were the beginning of the end.

Myspace, BlackPlanet, Facebook, Instagram, TWITTER (the ultimate devil), has ruined communication. Period. Now this sounds crazy coming from me right? I tweet all day. I have no reason not too. But I have a confession… I hate talking on the phone.

WHEW! There… I said it. Something about the phone is like the most awkward thing for me. I cant gauge people inflections in their voice; I never know what to do when there are awkward silences in the air, and I think my voice is weird so I feel like people are judging how I sound. Yea. Yea. Yea…. I know. I’m loony. But it’s true. If I can text, I will. I feel more controlled. I can gauge conversations myself, and can never be misquoted or misquote because it right there. IN WRITING! I even like skyping better because you can see the persons face. Any awkward silences are filled with facial expressions. And it feels more personal… like its an in person convo… which I can hold for dayssssss.

However, I know I am not the only one. Social networks and technology have made the process of building relationships completely different. The game has changed people. I used to love writing my friends notes, I remembered everyone’s phone numbers by heart. We used to actually have to meet up to spend time together. Guys took you to the movies. Courting wasn’t done virally. There was interaction, connections.There was life.

Don’t get me wrong. I love me some technology. It gives people platforms and resources that were never available before. My blogging is my release. Before this blog I used to color my hair, go for a looooong walk or run at all times of the night, or get a tat/piercing if I was upset and didn’t know how to express my thoughts. Id it wasn’t for this blog Id be bald, kidnapped, or look like a chubby light skin little Wayne. I’ve made connections on twitter that I would have never made without. Like genuine real connections that I absolutely cherish. It’s when people use wifi for deceit. If it was legal to marry an object, Id be a polygamist with my iPhone and MacBook.

People aren’t themselves on these networks. And that saddens me. Why use technology for evil? I am awkward, loud, doofy, rude, vulgar, a nerd, corny, and I snort. I don’t hide that. You know why...? Cause the people who can appreciate that, I want around. I love when someone texts me a joke and I can actually hear their voice saying it or envision their faces. These people who create this fake persona of living a lavish life when they owe 17 people money, I do not respect. The people who play themselves off as a sex symbol when they SMS inbox less active then a nun’s moot… I don’t respect. Those always talking about don't press them unless you sucking them off but their dick dryer than stale bread... I dont respect. Those people who steal other peoples style because they don’t want to take the time to learn about themselves and what they like and feel comfortable with… for themselves. I. Do. Not. Respect.

So here you are, thinking your making real connections with these fake people… but eventually what’s done in the dark… comes to light. Now you are using these same social media avenues that brought yall together to tear each other down. Sending subs, posting nak_d pics of your ex, talking about your relationship (platonic or romantic) with some follower you’ve never met versus talking with the person you have an issue with.

Yall make it dirty. Make people become anti-social on social networks. It’s crazy. And at the end of the day, the sites don’t create the problem. It’s the people behind the user name that create the problem. However, because there is no normal interactions… gut feelings can’t be relied on… instead you sending texts to mutual followers like “how you know @____? They cool?”.

Am I telling yall to stop indulging in social sites…? Hell no cause I’m not… Shiiiit…I’m about to tweet right now! I’m just saying be careful, be cautious, but more importantly… be yourself.

Safe social networking people… It’s a Cold WorldNo Snuggie

Monogamy and Infidelity Pt. 2 - Which is Natural?

Part Two to the Brunch on Monogamy and Infidelity... Convo was great and so was the food. Feel free to levee feed back and comments!

Poem for Matthew

I went with my homegirls to see the Strivers Row. I was blown away. Literally. I had been a fan of Joshua Bennet, especial after his love poem... but now words can't express the level of respect I have for this man. His 13 yr old brother is autistic, and this Poem for Levi has said everything I could never vocalize. I am forever indebted to this man. Not everyone knows but my youngest brother Matthew has Autism, and this touched the core of my soul. Emotions I didn't even know I had about the subject rose out my eyes in the form of tears. I bawled like a child through the entire video. (you can actually hear my crying and my friends have to take the camera cause I'm sobbing)...

So, please enjoy. "A Poem for Levi..' and Matthew

Im an idiot...

I was talking with my young jawn @_DaveyBaby... (sn- read her blog here)... and we realized that we have problem.. a legit problem...

We never want the ones that want us. The ones that make it easy can easily get dismissed. We want the ones that are rude and act like they don't or really don't want us. I love a challenge... Lord knows I do. so when the guy who tells me I'm cute really rude... then acts like he said something real regular like the sky is blue...

Yea... I wants him.

Dont get me wrong. I actually have some really good men lined up and I can't commit to them. Not that i don't want to... read that again... CANT.

I am not bitter, I am honest with myself... I just don't have time for the back and forth... the fakeness to get into my Vickies and learn about my secrets... then the drifting apart because we realize I got too much going on and he wants more than I have to offer. I think the issue i have is when they come correct... well they coming correct. Shit scarier than Utica ave in BK during labor day weekend...

I don't know about Davey, but I think they Im convinced love don't love me. Ive been in love before... If i do that shit again I need him to show me its real. Drizzy. Once I start feeling like I might be into a guy... i start curving him like the FDR highway. But once he starts ignoring me... GAWD ... emoji face with the hearts in the eyes...

I know I have a problem. I am ok with that. I am being honest with myself. But... can you blame me? I broke up with my ex fiancé... and well.. we all know how that went. Last guy I seriously talked to... well... we know how that went... I really am not ready for it right now. Its not that Im still in love my ex or still hung up on old flings. I just an genuinely uninterested in something serious and putting energy into something I am not up for. Its kind of like going to the club for a friends birthday when your not in the mood. You there dressed up but everyone can see in your face that you not there fun. It brings everyone down... You should of just stayed home.

Do i get lonely sometimes and miss having a man around...? Lord Knows *Rick Ross voice* But Id rather not lie to myself and lead a good guy on then have a few dates and then have bad blood that I wasted both of our time. I wish I had the mentality to sleep with them and move on... but my heart and moot don't cooperate... but thats another post.

I showed my Grandma a pic of one of my ex jawns... and she called me an idiot yesterday... I looked at her like O_O. Yea he looks good no seriously... like I swerved the car a bit when I saw it and almost had to change my draws but why force something thats not there? Ive been told a few times that I am an idiot because of the men that have made it clear that they want me and to make me happy and I run form them like Usain Bolt. I don't think there is anything wrong with not dating. Especially if you just don't want to. This isn't about #WhoHurtYou... its about who I don't want to hurt. Thats why the rude guys are so appealing. I don't feel like when I get tired of them they won't feel a way. They don't invest much so much won't be lost... like time, friendships, money... (only maybe my panties... LOL..j/k... or am I)...

*sigh* I am sure I am gonna be single forever...

Full Circle

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Ahem...

*dusts off Macbook and throws on Trey Songz pandora*

Yeeeeeeeeeerp! Im back people. Missed me? Dont all answer at once...lol

Im about to get deep on y'all... but before i do.... please watch this...



Dont say I never gave y'all nothing. lol