Sometimes I Wish I Could Act Like A Boy...

So, me and one of my best friends since 1st grade have a argument discussion on everything that is great on the other and we hate about ourselves. Here is an excerpt from our last convo:

Her- I need a perm (she knows exactly who she is right now)
Me- Girl, I just saw you and you didn't need a perm
Her- That's a lot of oil and brushing
Me- Your hair is always so well put together, if anyone needs a perm its me. I am out her looking like a teenage Puerto Rican Boy
Her- Please I can't go outside without makeup, my spanx, etc (I can't remember the rest of nonsense she listed)
Me- Please, I need makeup
Her- You skin is flawless
Me- No its not I am just to lazy to do my makeup in the mornings. You always have cute outfits on and look so put together. I am just sloppy...

It goes on for a while longer but you get the drift. Now my friend has a body people kill for.. literally. Her waist is practically non-existent, and she has a shapely lower body (and shapely isn't a word I'm using like people who are disproportionate use to sugar coat it; ie: fat + sugarcoating= thick). SN- We also do this with non-physical attributes such as love life, careers, etc., but I digress. Why the hell do we do this to ourselves? I am not saying I am going to stop but roll with me people. If Jesus Our Lord and Savior came down right now, put His hand on her shoulder and said, "My child, you are perfect", she would look at Him and say "Thank You Lord, but don't you think my lower half could be smaller?" (if you ARE reading this, don't hate me... I love you)

I have gorgeous friends. They know the aren't ugly but that won't stop them for complaining about any and everything that they think is wrong. One wants to get a nose job *side eye* yet her ass could be a model. We all have things we would change about ourselves. I would get smaller feet... their huge! And its hard finding shoes in my size! My toes are also long. My friend says the look like fingers...lol. I hate them but I am 25 and broke sooooo, they not going anywhere. The July issue of Essence (which I have been raving about) had a section dedicated to the great things about being a woman, more specifically a black woman. Although I am down for the uplifting and motivating of black society (Good Lord knows we need it), I think this is a gender issue, not a race one. I'm sure men are self conscious but it doesn't consume or hinder them like it does females.

Example- I am walking in Grand Central today when a gentleman approaches me. Here is a description so you can get a picture. He is no higher than 5'5 (I am 5'9), he has on a durag which I didn't even know men still wear in public, braids barely poking out from underneath the durag, and set of teeth I would consider betting that braces couldn't fix. Even if I was not happily engaged, he wouldn't even get a hello from me. I walked briskly away.

This man was plenty of things.... but the one thing he was not... BLIND! He knows he looks like this. He has seen a mirror in his 20+-30+ years of living. But he decided to take his chances even though the odds were against him. And they WERE against him. I looked cute today. I have on a navy blue pinstripe skirt with a cute white top (hair isn't done, but that's a different story). He didn't let his obvious obstacles hinder him from trying. I can't blame him. I actually admire him. First thing I learned in sales... IF YOU DONT ASK, THE ANSWER WILL ALWAYS BE NO! Men live by this rule. No matter what. He didn't know if I was blind, like them short, a whore, or had a rock bottom self... so he tried. I played him, but I assume he kept it moving.

I think women need to start adapting this philosophy. We are so scared to try things because rejection is something we try to avoid. We always feel more confident when we look good, this is a given. However, we cant let minor beauty issues stop our happiness. We pass by social events where our future husband may be at because we didn't get a fresh perm, or won't enjoy a day the beach cause we are bloated. Life isn't a patient boyfriend. Its not going to wait for us to get ready. Its coming whether we dressed accordingly or not. We have to stop worrying about or finger toes, shapely bottoms, or noses that look just fine and JUST. LIVE. LIFE.

PS. I dedicate this post to my feet...

If you Always Expect the Worst, Your Never Disappointed...

I am a worry wort. Those who know me and are reading this are nodding their heads. Like I am a W.OR.R.Y W.O.R.T. I don't impulse buy things I have never tried... I will Google the sh*t out of some reviews. My favorite line is "I can't [insert random activity here], I have a 401k" keep your mouth shut Tiff. I also worry about getting disappointed. Anyone who knows me , knows I may have a sharp tongue, and will curse you out in .16274889274673 seconds, but I do it with a smile. I am a generally happy and upbeat person. However, disappointment kills me. Hurts me like I can't explain. Brings tears to my eyes which isn't saying much since I cry at coffee commercials. So in this life, I don't expect much from people other than myself...

Someone asked me the other day how can I consider myself upbeat and optimistic, when I assume the worse in every case scenario. My answer was that's the exact reason I am those things, cause disappointment hardly affects me. In a world, where banks loose thousands of dollars in the blink of an eye, jobs are lost without any warning, and best friends only call you when they want something from you but not to check and see how you doing since they know your sick...

shots.fired.

...why expect anything. Its a waste of time and energy. I would rather prepare for the worse and be content with it and then happily surprised, than to expect something, build my hopes, then be devastated. *ye shrug*

IE- Taking nearly $80K in loans, to go to college, to get a degree, to be unemployed, to work as a supervisor at CVS (which is where you were working when you STARTED college), to still have to pay them mother f*cking loans on the same salary you would be getting if you didn't have that degree...




The sad part is I am still playing myself. I only expect things from me... when sometimes I am not better than the people I force myself not to expect sh*t from. I am human, so I got tired and skipped a few classes and had to stay my dumb ass in school an extra semester. I just had to act like I was in a Fabolous video and "throw it in the bag" and "threw it on my card", knowing I ain't got it. So I f*cked the money up and they "threw it on my credit score". I am supposed to be on this wedding diet, but my ass keep eating the orgasmic Cosi bread so I am looking more like a Light Skin Precious then a 25yr old version of Stacy Dash (who is FYI the reason I eventually always put highlights back in my hair). I don't know why I trust me not to disappoint myself. I probably have disappointed myself the most out of everyone and everything in the world. I am more accountable to everyone else than I am to myself because I know that not everyone has my outlook on life, and I don't want to be the one to disappoint them...


I tried to do the positive energy in the world (ie: The Secret and such), but I don't think I did it right probably cause I didn't want to get disappointed, and assumed it wouldn't work. FYI- This post wasn't to try and solve a problem. I don't see it as a problem. Its a blog so I wrote what the f*ck I feel.

But I guess I am a hypocrite cause I dead ass can't expect to be the best me possible when I expect the worst out of myself... right?


P.S. Shout Out to the people who expect everything out of life. That sh*t is hard and tiring, and take a strong and annoyingly happy person to do so. Sinclair Drake voice