If you Always Expect the Worst, Your Never Disappointed...

I am a worry wort. Those who know me and are reading this are nodding their heads. Like I am a W.OR.R.Y W.O.R.T. I don't impulse buy things I have never tried... I will Google the sh*t out of some reviews. My favorite line is "I can't [insert random activity here], I have a 401k" keep your mouth shut Tiff. I also worry about getting disappointed. Anyone who knows me , knows I may have a sharp tongue, and will curse you out in .16274889274673 seconds, but I do it with a smile. I am a generally happy and upbeat person. However, disappointment kills me. Hurts me like I can't explain. Brings tears to my eyes which isn't saying much since I cry at coffee commercials. So in this life, I don't expect much from people other than myself...

Someone asked me the other day how can I consider myself upbeat and optimistic, when I assume the worse in every case scenario. My answer was that's the exact reason I am those things, cause disappointment hardly affects me. In a world, where banks loose thousands of dollars in the blink of an eye, jobs are lost without any warning, and best friends only call you when they want something from you but not to check and see how you doing since they know your sick...

shots.fired.

...why expect anything. Its a waste of time and energy. I would rather prepare for the worse and be content with it and then happily surprised, than to expect something, build my hopes, then be devastated. *ye shrug*

IE- Taking nearly $80K in loans, to go to college, to get a degree, to be unemployed, to work as a supervisor at CVS (which is where you were working when you STARTED college), to still have to pay them mother f*cking loans on the same salary you would be getting if you didn't have that degree...




The sad part is I am still playing myself. I only expect things from me... when sometimes I am not better than the people I force myself not to expect sh*t from. I am human, so I got tired and skipped a few classes and had to stay my dumb ass in school an extra semester. I just had to act like I was in a Fabolous video and "throw it in the bag" and "threw it on my card", knowing I ain't got it. So I f*cked the money up and they "threw it on my credit score". I am supposed to be on this wedding diet, but my ass keep eating the orgasmic Cosi bread so I am looking more like a Light Skin Precious then a 25yr old version of Stacy Dash (who is FYI the reason I eventually always put highlights back in my hair). I don't know why I trust me not to disappoint myself. I probably have disappointed myself the most out of everyone and everything in the world. I am more accountable to everyone else than I am to myself because I know that not everyone has my outlook on life, and I don't want to be the one to disappoint them...


I tried to do the positive energy in the world (ie: The Secret and such), but I don't think I did it right probably cause I didn't want to get disappointed, and assumed it wouldn't work. FYI- This post wasn't to try and solve a problem. I don't see it as a problem. Its a blog so I wrote what the f*ck I feel.

But I guess I am a hypocrite cause I dead ass can't expect to be the best me possible when I expect the worst out of myself... right?


P.S. Shout Out to the people who expect everything out of life. That sh*t is hard and tiring, and take a strong and annoyingly happy person to do so. Sinclair Drake voice