Flashback

I read this post from last year and LOL'd... (I still mean it too)...

This is a WARNING!

Ladies. This is a PSA. Men have received their manuals…

Some of you are looking at the screen confused. I know. Y’all are cute. But your naïve. You need to pay special attention to this post because it just might save your life…

So I repeat. Ladies… this is a Public Service Announcement. Men have received their Summer 2012 edition of “How to keep #HER close while you wild out” manual. Be careful.

In the past week, my SMS has been on tilt. My GAN (if you don’t know what a GAN is please read here) been saying all the right things and even had me smiling at my phone. Ex jawns been spitting game smoother than Billy D. Williams voice. I’m like… nah. This too much of a coincidence…. Is it a full moon? (Full Moon post coming soon) I checked the calendar… Nope… a regular crescent joint… then I took notice of the date. The end of March. I paused… and thought back to last year this time… and cringed. Ratchet season aka YOLO season aka Summer, was rapidly approaching. April 1st is like the pre-season kickoff. So come Sunday… be prepared for the fuckery. Once the heat gets turnt up… so do niggas. It’s been a summer tradition then all men lose their act right once the cargo shorts come out and girls put their maxi dresses on. They don’t mean any harm (usually) but the rise in the heat, usually causes a rise in their hormones, then something else rises… and well then… that’s when shit gets real.

But what does he do when he already started the cuffing process (unintentionally, cause all smart men and women, do not cuff after February because they know in 2 months they going to act a fool), and he really like her… but he not trying to drag her to every BBQ, or check in all the time, or not be able to use the line “But I’m not your man though” or as I like to call it… the Get Out of Jail free card. Oh he knows what to do… you know why… because they have a manual. I’ve said this before but I know men have a rule book. I know its not a coincidence that different men say almost identical answer in similar situations with different women. They’ve practiced, they’ve studied, and they’ve read the manual. However, summer a different type of life. That’s why they have a special edition… Kind of like the fall fashion edition of Vogue for us. It tells them exactly what to do to handle the season accordingly, so they don’t lose all their joints come September, but still have a poppin summer. They want to make sure that you don’t go astray when they don’t text all day, or putting spending time with the boys before spending some time with you. They want to make sure come September they bed not colder than Eskimo pussy because they didn’t know how to handle the situation accordingly.... in other words...THEY ON THEIR SHIT! So what do you do we do?

Pray.

No, seriously. Men will have your head fucked up. Be prepared. That’s the best way to handle it. Know its coming. You can’t change it. This is nature boo. And if you could change nature, you stop that monthly red miracle before now wouldn’t you? Ok. So let’s get realistic. Don’t stress it. Enjoy your summer. He is enjoying his. Know that this isn’t malicious. It’s mental. He probably really does like you but the sun starts trouble that the moon finishes when its summer time. He may not even be messing with other joints, so don’t take me saying “enjoy your summer” as a reason to hoe. Again, I repeat… I never told you to bust it wide open for a nigga in Cargo shorts and a nutcracker because your GAN aint acting right. Im saying don’t stress. Hang out with your friends, go to rooftop bars, look your best, spend all night on a Wednesday having fun then go to work on Thursday. If you see him out, give him a hug, and a peck on the cheek… maybe send him a text telling him he look extra good with a fresh shape up (niggas love when you compliment they shape up)… and then LEAVE HIM ALONE! Don’t cause a scene because he talking to another girl. No mamita… cause now you the crazy jawn. My advice… make sure he sees that you see him, don’t acknowledge it, then address it later. She might be a friend… but now your time and his time is ruined because you couldn’t have a seat. I usually address it by reminding him why he not going to go anywhere (take that how you want lol). Now, if he blatantly disrespectful, I can’t tell you how to react… but I’m not one for arguing in public so that’s on you. Lol. However, enjoy your summer… don’t be the party popper. Its just as much your season as it is his. Sip the henny colada slow… see him when you can, and just enjoy. The Summer is always fun if you take advantage of it. Live alittle… cause niggas die a lot. These men are tricky… don’t let them fuck you head up… And if all else fails…

Pray.

I dead tried to find a different song… but nothing sums it up better. Lol

Let me start this off by saying I love my family. But my mom’s side is not the best communicators. I am still waiting for my birds and my bees talk. They hide their feelings from each other, then when they let them out its reminiscent of an angry volcano that causes a whole island to clear. I don’t know if I get my emotional nature from my father’s side because my sister, brother, and I have no problem talking… even though we met 7 years ago.

Now to the point of this post. Throughout the years, I have picked up an amazing support team. I’ve said on this blog, “my friends are the family I chose, and I shed blood for my blood” and I mean that too my core. My friends are the most supportive, loving, truthful, blunt assholes, I could have ever met, and for that I keep them around. Yesterday, I had an interview for a whole new career that I was really nervous about. My grandma woke me up early because she turned on the computer and didn’t see the Mozilla Firefox Icon. I asked her to give me 5 mins and she slammed my door. When I did drag myself out of bed (still early) to find the Mozilla Firefox (which was right on the screen), she says I didn’t have time to wait for you and walked out the house. No "have a good day" (which I always say to her), No "good luck on your interview", not even goodbye. Just closed the door on me. I love my Grandma to death, so this wasn’t going to cause me to hate her or even cause a scene, but as the lock clicked, I felt a slight twinge in my heart. I left my house regular. On the train reading my articles for the interview, feeling not feeling any excitement or nerves...Just regular.

Then as I am about to walk into the building, my phone vibrates and it’s a text from one of my “sisters” (I only use the quotations because I want you to know we weren’t born with similar DNA, but God felt the need to relate us) and it read “Morning!!! Good luck today on your interview!!!! You are intelligent, kind, supportive, and full of life. Some prime qualities that make an incredible (insert position here) and I am sure they will see all of that and more in your interview today!” I went into that interview with tears in my eyes but a new found energy. I honestly think I aced the interview, but we won’t know for a few weeks. Either way, she was just what I needed when I needed it. I honestly feel like if i get this job, its because of her and that text. Words can't express how much I love her regardless.

And as the day progressed… I got calls and text of encouragement… all which made me realize that my team is amazing. Even if one did read “B_tch, what happened with the interview” (some of y’all can guess exactly who that is if you really know me)

This is why I get so upset when people take their friends for granted. They are there when you feel like everyone else has turned their back. Deserting your friends for a man…Please. They were there when you just met him, and were trying to decide if he was worth your time, and they going to be there to dry your eyes, or key his car, or both. Shoot, I was just talking to one of my ex jawns (actually, THE ex jawn..not my ex fiancé) about how nervous I am about this interview a few days ago. How I don’t know if I can do it blah blah blah… I haven’t spoken to him since then. Our SMS convo been more inactive than Quasi Moto eHarmany page. Im not shocked, nor did he HAVE to text me… it just helps to put things into perspective. They were there when your family irked you in a way only they know how. They were there encouraging you to reach for the moon in all aspects of life, and honestly, my friends are the stars I used as my stepping stones. They don’t say it often (cause we thugs) but I never doubt their love and support. I cherish them, and even if I don’t see or speak to them often, they are my vertebrae. Maybe I have just been blessed with angels on earth. I don’t know what I did to deserve them, but I am glad they see me worthy to walk with them in life. So before you, ignore their calls for the jawn of the hour, before you don’t pick up your people cause you might be late for a date, or before you put someone who doesn’t know what your Trey Songz crying face is before someone who shed tears for you because you had no more in you… Think twice.

Because at the end of the day, it’s not about whose around when the smoke clears… it’s about who walked in the smoked and grabbed your hand to make sure you got out.

And too my “family”… this is fo’ life.

The point of it all

I used to close my eyes… and listen to this song… and have an image in my mind of the person who made this song real for me…

Now i have no image… I haven't decided if I'm nervous about the void, or blessed for the cleared canvas to paint a better picture.

Shit Just got real.

So, I been MIA. Ive been working two jobs, gym, and trying to get this life together in general (which clearly isn't working really well since I been trying to do that since I started this blog in 2010). Its taken a toll and I neglected the blog which I said I would never do because its been a release and my sanity for some time. But I am guilty of abandoning it temporarily. However, Im trying… y'all know the motto. Say it together now y'all… "BABY STEPS"

But anywhoot, I just came from an… umm… interesting trip to ATL. Spent time with some people I really care about and got to see somethings that in all my trips down there never experienced. Including the MLK Jr Center. It touched my heart, it sent my mind in a frenzy but humbled me immensely. Here this regular man, lead a nation to a better future, and I couldn't even get mine solely together. I had been saying for weeks that once ATL was done Id get back on my shit. Getting my life in order for real. Schedule, budgets, the whole nine…

So as I am flat ironing my hair, i see a sparkle…in my hair… I'm like… "what the whole fuck is this?!?! Nah… my hair can't be that shiny… its jet black…"

I run for a pair of a tweezers and remove the following…


Yes, ladies and maybe some gentleman… that is a GRAY HAIR.

SHIT. JUST. GOT. SO. REAL.

I knew my ass was old… 27 looks good on me but feels like 53. My bones hurt y'all… but this… this was a gray hair… the stress, the age, the burden… it was making itself public. Jesucristo…

I immediately sent a pic message to my jawns, with the panic in each word… and of course they laughed at me hoes. One replied…"I hear it means wisdom" in which i replied "And if it means wisdom make me young and dumb"

However, I know I didn't mean it. We all talk shit but every day lived is a lesson learned. Not just about the world, but about yourself. I actually sat there and thought…" is this wench gassing me… I don't have wisdom. " But know more than I did yesterday. And i know I am better for it. I look at amazing woman and they embrace their age because they know their age is not something to be hidden but celebrated because there is a lesson behind every laugh line, a love lost for ever wrinkle, and wisdom for every silver strand. They wear it with grace, like metals on a soldier. Proudly. So even though I hastily removed this one, the next will be left alone. Ill see the positivity in the strand… its a reminder that every day I get wiser…

Plus I color my hair monthly so it won't show for long anyways…lol

My heart hurts...

I was standing at the end of a reflection pool. I am looking at the graves of MLK Jr. and Coretta Scott King. I had tears in my eyes and a heaviness in my heart. i looked at the grave of a man who lost his life so that equality could prevail. I looked at a man who didn't know he was destined to carry a nation on his back. A man who didn't grow up knowing that he would be looked up to for years. A man who, not without fear, slowly but surely blurred the lines of separation and segregation.



I was in Atlanta, at the MLK Jr. center, and my heart was heavy looking at a grave of a man who fought to prevent what happened just a few hundred miles south of where he body laid to rest. Trayvon Martin. The name brings goosebumps to my arms. A 17 year old boy visiting his father with a hoody on and skittles in his hand. Deemed a "threat". The man who took his life didn't see a young boy. He saw a threat. You know what I see when I look at Trayvon Martin?



I see a life
a son,
a friend,
a boyfriend,
a football player,
a student,
a future president,
a future husband,
a future father,
my brothers,
THE FUTURE PERIOD,

A future that will never get to be brought forth because someone saw a little black boy eating some candy as a threat instead of potential. Lord knows I am not a black activist or even the most socially aware. Its not something I'm proud of but i am to going to lie to y'all and be fake. However my soul bleeds every time I hear this story. How this innocent CHILD laid lifeless in a morgue unclaimed because police could not believe that he was visiting someone in the complex. Tears form in my eyes as i think about the parents, who had to bury their innocent child, knowing his killers feet are walking the very earth that they are now putting their son in. I think of my brothers, my godsons, my cousins, my friends sons, I think of black men. Why was his life not wrath living? I know the Lord has a plan, and I don't question it. However, It bothers me that so many people died to stop an injustice, that the trigger of a gun almost makes that null and void.

Then I look at the sea of faces and hoodies. Black, White, Hispanic, Asians… and i realize they didn't die in vain. They died in awareness. They say it takes weddings and funerals to bring families together. And Trayvon's death brought together a family who didn't even know they were related. Bonded for their desire to fight the injustice. Bonded by their hurt because the see their sons in Trayvon. The disgust they feel that a blatant murder happened with no consequences. So I looked at the graves and wiped my tears and realized, like Jesus, they didn't die in vain, they died in hope. In hope that one day, someone like me would stand here and realize that action needs to be taken, and they would be my inspiration. They did not die in vain at all.


I can't possible see someone looking at this pic of my heart and seeing a threat

Is You Happy?

*TI Voice*


(good ass song btw)

One of my favorite parts of Sex and the City is when the whole gang is in Carries living room, and they all sitting down and trying to figure out when Samantha got fat, and Charlotte says she's happy. Everyday. Not All day, but definitely every day with her relationship.

This post isn't about love and relationships, but it definitely relates.

ARE. YOU. HAPPY? Not ok. Not content. Happy. Do you enjoy some part or aspect of your life daily?

If you don't, we need to do better.

No ones life is perfect. Everyone has demons… everyone has problems…some stronger than others. Happiness isn’t determined by the life handed to you… but how it is handled.

Yall probably sick of me and my break up story… but if so read another blog… cause that shit changed my damn life.

I was “happy” (yall peep the quotation marks?). On the outside… I had it all…. Ok I may be gassing that all shit but bear with me… On the outside, I had man, a loving family, engaged to be married, popping ass friends, smiling all the time, driving a car I put the money up for… I was “doing better” then most (I’m in a quotation ass mood yall). In reality… I cried myself to sleep every night. My fiancé didn’t make me happy but every time he asked if I was, I would say yes hoping to speak it into existence. My family had issues beyond measure…including my grandfather who raised me as his daughter since my father passed away before he even know I was growing… was dying in front of my eyes. Money issues rose because I was paying bills for me and my fiancé as he “got on his feet” like I wasn't lying knocked on the ground with him. I felt disconnected from my friends because I would never go anywhere, because I wanted to be a good “wife” though I was always left home alone. I felt unfilled… I was sad… everyday… my smile was a mask I wore like it was crazy glued on.

Now, yall follow this blog… a bitch still broke. I’m single, I’m living at home, I work temp jobs, things are far from perfect… but I am happy everyday. Every. Blood. Clot. Day. My smiles are genuine. Not because this is my perfect life or how I envisioned it, but I am living it the best way I know how and not lying to myself. Delusion is real yall. I said it before. STOP LYING TO YOURSELF. You can front for the homies, for the joints, even for Jesus cause he know the truth anyways, but please keep it 100 with yourself. You are on a path to destruction if you don’t. That was my main problem. You can’t fix problems you don’t acknowledge.

It doesn’t happen in a day but please understand your worth. Understand that you are the only you that exists. My brother always tells me ”you are a brand. What do you want to come to mind when people hear your name?” Maybe it’s the useless ass marketing degree I got but it makes so much sense. Your happiness is linked to this. Trust me. When you live the life you want… it comes… unexpectedly. It hit you in the face like a drunken friend on her birthday (sorry guys…lol). My happiness wasn’t there because I wasn’t living the life I wanted to live, I wasn’t being the attributes that I know weren’t me. I wasn’t being Sio… I was just some homely doppelganger.

So now, here I am… broke bum bitch Sio… writing this post stealing some internet from a Starbucks in BK….

And I couldn’t be mother fucking happier.

Thank You

Stop the threats via gchat, text, and twitter... Im back.. lol