Love, con't

Going off the previous post...

<---- I saw this image when I was visiting colleges during HS and immediately was drawn to Philadelphia

However, like Love... It wasnt always sweet. Actually, I almost killed me a few times. LOL

Omnia Vincit Amor

I used to hate Latin. Thought it was dumb. No one even speaks it...

Now I love it. The words are beautiful and the stem of some much of our languages throughout the world. One of my favorite phrases..." Omnia Vincit Amor"

Love Conquers All...

Yall know I'm a sucker for love. That saying has been my motto through life. No matter what changes, I know love will conquer it. Powerful hope from someone who also believe the phrase "No expectations, no disappointment" right? I believe this because I have experienced it through out my life, and how am I to ignore a constant? I love it so much I am getting a tattoo of it... Yea, I know. Another on...

No when I say love, I don't mean just romantic. I mean LOVE. One of my favorite words actually. Love is one of those words that is used to much, and not at the same time. It doesn't have to be written to be read. People misconstrue it all the time, but i can mean so many different things to different people. And be right every time.

Love of God, Love of family, Love of friends, Love of self, Love of Life, Love of your significant other... LOVE, can conquer ANYTHING

In the past week, Ive seen it happen 3 times.

Ms. She's current mood

<-----Pretty Much

When I Die...

I have no husband or kids, so I need to put this here so y'all know..

When I die I want y'all to have a party. Aged Henny, Patron, Coronas flowing. Tell stories about me (good/funny ones only you hoes). All my favorite foods. I don't care if y'all wear black, its my favorite color. Play lots of reggae and coon music. I don't want a wake, cause I want y'all to remember my face (and faces) as I was. Alive. I let y'all have a church ceremony cause I want to go to God, but I don't want anyone to see the burial. Put a random in charge of making sure I get in the ground. I want a headstone to say "Here lies Sioban, 1/6/1985...I love you, and yea... I hear you"

My main thing, just miss me a little when I'm gone.

Worried About The Wrong Things

So, one of my best friends Grandmother died this weekend. It hurt me like I lost a family member. I grew up with this woman... I called her Grandma. She watched me when I was younger and always had, and will have a special place in my heart. I went to the house, to spend time with my extended family on Sunday, in the midst of everything personal going on...

Still hung over from the night before, and head still pounding from the stress of the morning (well, shit the past 6 months), I walked into love. I was handed an patron shot, and welcomed with kisses. Funeral arrangements quickly turned into storied about Grandma, and my tears were bittersweet. I was happy to be here, but sad that it was under these circumstances. Happy to see the love, but sad it was brought out by pain...

I left their house, which is like 15 houses from mine, and as I walked down the block, I watched my feet move. Its a 2 minute walk that felt like 20...I was in a trance, staring at my Essie Mint Candy Apple toes, wondering why my soul felt so heavy. Then it hit me like that Greyhound back in 2007...

I had been worrying about the wrong things...

I had been caught up in dumb ass issues, trying to forget the major ones that hovered over me like a thunder cloud just waiting to strike. I have been worried about outfits, men, sex, twitter, my hair, just anything other than getting my life together. I have been letting things stress me that I can not change. I have been putting my energy in nonsense, and wasting my precious time in it when I can die tomorrow, and what will be said about me? She had a funny twitter? He last days were spent worrying about an argument and looking for shoes? It makes my heart hurt. My soul ache. My body weary. My smile erased. I'm weak. Legitimately.

My mind has been racing, so I need to stop and slow it down. I need to work on the goals I have set, but put aside because I needed to have fun. I need to find the balance. I need to realize that I am not everyone's priority, though they may be mine, and not be hurt by that. Accept it and either move on, or move forward with the new found knowledge. I'm sensitive, yes I know. I'm a worry wort, yes I know. Those things I probably can not change. I don't think I want to. It what makes me... Me. I just need to learn how to handle these things, and learn how to handle when people cant. I need to not be overwhelmed and focus my energy on the things that benefit my life, and not negativity or trivial shit. I need to learn to be selfish and selfless simultaneously... I just need to find contentment in the pursuit of my happiness...

I know that was a random rant... I would apologize but you knew what you signed up for... check the blog name.

RIP Grandma Chelsea.

The Profile Picture Cheat Code

So its 6:30am. I hear the Skype tone go off on my phone. I look over and see my cousin ringing me. Now we are always the last to know things so I KNEW it wasn't an emergency. Mind you, its 6:30am and I'm at work...

Me- What Bitch

Her- You sound cranky

Me- You Not serious right now

Her- Ok well I'm on Facebook and I see my Gan new profile pic...

So, the issue is this. She used to talk to this guy. They fell off but they were still cool. Talked ever so often, and she actually was annoyed with some of the things that he did. She was (or convinced herself that she was) over him and the situation

Until he got a new profile pic on FB...

Now he there, looking all chocolatey... skin glistening, smile poppin, arms looking swole... and now her draws are wet...smh

I know she is not the only one who has fell for the the trap. Shit, I almost fell for the trap today right after. I hardly log on to FB on the comp, so while I was there I looked around and stumbled upon a guy I used to like page...

And there he was, looking sexier than I remember... and there I was at 6:45ish am feeling lusty... I immediately shut the FB page and started watching some Ices Brown videos to divert my mind from the inevitable. Crazy part, my situation isn't too far from my cousins. I don't like him like that anymore... just cool. Speak/text every once in a while, and I'm sure if I saw him in person I wouldn't feel any type of way... I'd hug him, chat it up for a bit, then keep it moving...

So what is about the profile pic that catches you up...? My theory... Its the fact you get to see the person in all their silent glory. None of the flaws you hear/see when they're on the phone or next to you. Just remember the good shit as you look at them looking good. They know what they doing. No one purposely puts up ugly profile pics/avis... they want to look as good as possible



DONT FALL FOR IT HOES!

I know you sitting there, looking at his pic, thinking damn... He looking good... Its summer time... you feeling lusty... hot and bothered...remembering all the sweet shit he used to say, that smile, the way he grabbed your hair when he hi...ummm... We getting off track...

There is a reason y'all fell off. He rude, he doesn't call you back, he is a liar, a fraud, he took your money, he doesn't do the shit he did before you let him see your 5 for $25 Vickies, he doesn't even play the "special playlist" when you come over anymore...

Andre 3000 said it best "Spaceships, don't come equipped, with rear view mirrors"

Don't look back, look forward. If you think its gonna work then fine... BUT... if you know nothing is gonna happen other than a nut, some messed up hair, and maybe a walk of shame... is it worth it?

<---- Dont let this be you...

Modifications

one of my favorite sayings is

"Lift As You Climb"

My NEW favorite saying

"I you should lift as you climb, but you got to make sure your on the same ladder"

Best Thing...

I have a Confession...

We family here so I can talk my shit right?

OK. I been thinking about David lately. Not in the "I want him back, I think i overreacted we can make this work" type of way, but in the "What would I be doing if we didn't break up, or broke up sooner, or if he and I changed and compromised". I have been in such a melancholy (yea, 1250 on my SAT... ask about me), and I have been surrounded by negativity in and out of home. I been pulling back from people, and when you start spending more time with yourself you become a victim to your own thoughts. I dont regret anything. I loved that nigga. HARD. But I feel like I was manipulated. Not by him, but at my own hands. I convinced myself things he did that I knew were wrong, were right. I convinced myself that I was cute, but not cute enough to get a nigga who would adore (or what I though was adoration) me as much as him. I always look back and evaluate. i am trying to learn from my mistakes and listen to the working of my head and heart, versus the lips of others. the other day I was chillen with someone and were were having a random convo... in the midst I go

Me: I know where I fucked up...

Her: You know shit got real when someone starts a statement like that...

and in the particular situation we were discussing, I did know where I fucked up.

In this life, I'm trying to find where i fucked up so I can make it real for me...

I walk when I am upset. Night, day, rain, snow. I walk. Today i was walking and thinking about another issue that fucked me up and I saw a Nissan Maxima... I knew it wasn't his because he abandoned that car on the side of the road... but I ran my mind on him. the rest of the walk was me thinking if anything could of made it work. After 6 months, really contemplating if this shit was me overreacting, if I only moved on so quick because I had (what he felt he was, which wasn't true on my end) a "rebound guy", or because "Single Sioban" turned it up and is just now cooling off.

But in the grand scheme of all, 8lb baby Jesus works in mysterious ways. Yall see that video in the previous post? I popped up on my twitter. I watchedit with tears in my eyes. It hit too close to home. The wedding dress. But those were teas of joy and relief. The doubt and confusion I have been having were gone. I know regardless this was a right move. I just needed to move on from the dwelling

These past few months I have strengthen my relationships with my family, my friends, and myself... Now all I need is to strengthen my money and we cooking!

Like Bey said "Thank God I found the GOOD in GOODBYE"

<---Legit Happiness looks good on me

I Actually Cried

Shit Just hit too close to home... They were tears of joy and relief... so we good.

Am I asking too much?

I just want to do hoodrat shit with my friends, drink some aged Henney, and make this drug money...

<---The good life

July 4th Quotes..

"This Life don't love us"

"All I need is an opportunity, LORD KNOWS"

"Motivated just from being broke"

Story of my life....

BFF Type Shit...

How Many best friends do you have?

Serious question...I honestly think I have 4... They know who they are so no need to name names...

But someone said to me that "You cant have more than I best friend. That means they are not the 'best' anymore"

I think that's the dumbest shit I ever heard.

I love all my friends. From the ones I hardly speak to, but know they got me, to the ones I see/speak to daily. I have sisters, who I love dearly but aren't best friends but still are so close to me you cant convince me we dont have the same blood flowing through our veins (but lets be honest, everybody sister get on their nerves every once in a while)

But these 4 know pretty much everything about me... Even if its after the event/problem actually happened. They have been their through thick and thin, and have helped me through difficult situations more than they know and I can ever repay them for.

So now if one helps me more than another, for a certain situation, does that mean I should dismiss the other 3 cause they got shit to do? Or flip flop the title around depending on holding me down more at the time?

I dont think so...

I celebrate these hoes all equally. Love them equally. I don't hide them from each other...Shit, i try to get these hoes together more than they know! LOL. I love when my friends hang out with each other. I feel like a big happy ass family. Like it lifts my heart. I hate to see females who get mad that their friends have other friends... Like legit jealous. That's so petty to me. You cant be with a person 24/7 and not want to kill them...

and if you can your sick...lol

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I will try to respect it, but I honestly feel like if you limit yourself to having one best friend just off principle, you are playing yourself...

To All My Homegirls... Love you and here you go...

(y'all still ain't shit tho...lol)

My Friends Aint Shit...

Nope... You DID read that right...

I been working on this post for a bit... The longer I wait the more I hate y'all.

Lol but no lol


I know. Some of you are confused. You're saying... "Damn She. You been singing your friends praises since this blog started over a year ago. Why aren't they shit now?" Don't get me wrong... my friends are still amazing, probably better than your... but they.still.aint.shit...

Now everyone who knows me, knows my whole situation... haven't been single since 16 blah blah blah. I don't hide it. I embrace it. I am naive with a lot of things... A LOT.

BUT NOT ONE OF THESE TRIFLING HOES TOLD ME ITS HARD OUT HERE FOR A PIMP!!!!

<----I feel the nigga pain tho... he stressed!

Like I come from a time where we talk on the phone 3 times you my man... yea you read that right... we go STEADY nigga..

You see my breast, you better be ring shopping... Word Up

Now at 26, I know that's unreasonable, but I didn't think that things were this ridiculous. There are carfaxes, sniff test, talking, jump offs, GANS, loving a nigga but not being his girl, naked Skping.... JESUCRISTO! Just typing it makes my head hurt. There is a lot going on...

Like there was dead a two hour convo on twitter about what guys and females perceive as "talking to another person". Men and women going back and forth giving their take on the subject. And you know what the answer finally was?

No, seriously do you cause I couldn't figure out from the shit they was saying... everyone had polar opposite answers.

Now let me get to my grievances with these bitc... young ladies I call my friends...

The whole time I was with the ex, they was out having fun and taking kissy face pics in the club and shit as I sat next to his ass sleeping and watched VH1 Soul and watched them tweet about being single, sexy, and free. Having the time of their life..

Lying Hoes..

Disclaimer- I did not break up with David because of that, so don't think I was on my grass is greener bullshit...

But the minute I get single and start talking about how I'm nervous and I have questions... I realize, these hoes is just as confused as me! Like y'all been single all this time and STILL don't got shit figured out? Then I'm assed out, I ain't gonna make it out here.

Why wouldn't they tell me before. Y'all know I do not like surprises. Like dead ass. I know some of them say "we'd never think you'd be single"... well well well heffas... look whats going on now. Weezy said it best "Prepare for the worst, pray for the best". I am having an amazing time being single, but I hate being confused... and this dating shit got me more confused than an illiterate prostitute reading a Bible. I wish there was a clear set of rules... universally followed. The only rules I've learned were:

1-Don't suck his dick the first time yall have sex
2-There are no rules...

SMFH

So to all my "friends" who gassed me talking about the fun of dates, and how content they were single, and the fun they are having, acting not confused at all... yea...