Settling Down Does NOT Mean You Have to Settle

I have extended family. Love these people like we share the same DNA. We had a family dinner and in the midst of it I was amazed....

My homeboy probably gonna be mad he on the blog but whatever... I won't say his name though...

Two of my very close friends are dating, well... their in a relationship. She loves coconut cake. Like loves it. This nigga googled the 6 best coconut cakes in the city, then went around to each one... and bought it, then kept them chilled at different temperatures while at work...

Oh Ok...

Never have I ever had anyone do such a thoughtful gesture. Not family, not friends, not joints or boyfriends. Never. I looked at this nigga like, wait.... this is my friend and I never knew he was so amazing. I KNOW my homegirl reads my blog so I hope she know low lucky she is. We actually joke and say she has fairy dust in her vagina cause we have never seen no shit like this before.

But then I lie. I have seen it done before. I have seen GOOD men exist. I know a lot of good ass men. I just never dated them... and i guess they don't want to waste their thoughtfulness on the homegirl. LOL

But seeing this, it gives me hope. I actually truly believe I won't get married. That last relationship took a lot out of me... I honestly don't know if I have the capacity to give myself to someone like I did to my ex. I am a giver. It was amazing to see a man give to his girlfriend.

I am not one who needs gifts, or harps on material things. AT ALL. But the thoughtfulness of the gesture...sheesh. I sat and thought about the last 3 people I've dealt with. I don't know if the last 3 people I dealt with in anyway even know why my favorite colors are, my favorite candies are, my favorite cakes are, or any of my preferences for the most part in LIFE. And one of them was my ex-fiancé

Me, I make it my business to know. I know one hates tomatoes but eats ketchup... Doubt he knows I can't stand raw onions. I know one doesn't eat pork, but Im positive, he always got me a sandwich with mayo on it. I know one drinks water by the gallon, but does he know I hate water unless its ice cold? The shit hit me like a ton of bricks last night. I love doing things for the people I care about, but can hardly remember when someone really really went out their way and do something thoughtful for me. I walked past Madden 2012 in target yesterday and it made me sad. i remember when I used to buy David the game every year when it dropped, then myself 3 books to keep me occupied while he played. Kind of made me sad.

Maybe at this point, it myself I need to re-evaluate. I need to figure out where I fucked up. I do know that at 26, regardless of what I did (or actually didn't) do when I was younger, Im too old for the bullshit. I miss the movie nights, the sex,the dinner dates, the sex, the good morning text, the sex, the goodnight phone calls, the sex, the smile on someones face when I did something thoughtful, the sex, just the experience...oh and the sex. I don't have time for the mixxiness. I want to settle down...

But I don't want to settle.

I don't want to cuff the first nigga I date. I don't want to just be happy with a happy meal and a box of magnums. I want the experience, the thoughtfulness, the courting, the care. I want to feel the appreciation, and I honestly believe thats what I was missing with them. I don't know. Maybe I am asking for a lot. But thats what I want. I said this in January, and I will say it again and again, until I take my last breathe;

Id rather be alone, than with settle with someone who makes me content. Happiness is what I want. Mediocrity is what ill never settle for.