Today I was cleaning my room up. Actually my sock drawer. I realized I had an ass load of mis-matched socks and socks with no partner. As I'm going through the sock drawer... there it was. Right in front of me. A pair of ordinary ass grey socks, and 2 du-rags. Pieces of 8yrs I had been slowly trying to get rid of. Pieces of a life I no longer lived. Shit, pieces of a life I hardly remembered. Socks I used to wear when he wasn't around that made me feel a bit better. Du-rags I had in case he slept over, but really kept them when he left cause it smelled like him. I actually had to stop myself from smelling them today to see if his scent still lingered like his belongings.
Its so funny how break ups are one of the longest events known to man. Its not like most "breaks". When you break something. Its quick. Almost instantaneous separation. Done. Nothing about "breakups" are quick. You have months, years, decades, of things you need to get rid of that accumulated. Gifts, things left over
10 months later, Im still finding things in hidden places that reminded me of hidden memories. Every time I think I'm done, completely free. Something makes itself known, as if to say "it ain't over yet bitch". Someone who I haven't seen in a while says "Oh, hows your fiancé?" and I have to relive the last 10 months that seem like its become the story of my life. When's songs come on and you can't do nothing but have them flood you mind and heart, and hope your eyes don't flood with tears... (like the song above. It was my angry song. Used to play it eveytime we was beefing. My homegirls knew if this was playing... just leave me alone)
Aint shit quick about that...
Breaks are quick, but healing from them isn't. One swift move and you can break a bone in your body but the healing process can take years. And even when you think it's finally healed, when you least expect it, there goes that pain again.
ReplyDeleteThat's the way I look at break ups. Saying it's over and done probably took a couple minutes but the healing that has to take place from that can be a lengthy process.