You a Dating Ass Heffa...

"You a dating ass heffa" Someone said this to me this weekend. I had to hit them with the o_O. Me? I dead looked around the car to see who she was talking too cause it couldn't of been me. Not Sio... I know girls who go on dates weekly. Different men, sleeping with none of them. That ain't me. I think I been on 4 dates since January. Total. My friends said I been on more. So that led to the discussion of what is a date..

We ask some guys at my friends HS Homecoming "What do you consider a date?", and I also asked twitter. Both mediums of answers had the same response. Intent.

Now as a Capricorn I am very literal. So I went to the dictionary.

Date- a social engagement between two persons that often has a romantic character

Intent- the state of mind with which an act is done

So, I get from this a date is a social engagement between with a romantic intent. So, even if Im not interested too much, I still consider it a date cause I am not slow... I know what we here for. You didn't see me and ask for my number cause you can see I am a nice person...but you could see I had nice boobs. *shrug*

SN-I also don't consider it a date if we already having sex and grabbing food. Thats going to get dinner. We need to get out energy up. Thats my personal opinion though.

So I then asked twitter, "What if one person has romantic intent and the others intent is strictly platonic, and the two parties don't realize each others intent?". Someone answered a Bad Date. Lol

Now, I was actually going to let this issue die, but I am still reading the book "A Belle in Brooklyn" (which has slowly made me hate BK a little bit less. Think this was @TiffThomp plan the whole time) and I came across a chapter with This question at the top:

"Do black women know how to date?"

Oh, ok. She went on to say after a women declined a date with a cop cause it wouldn't work cause of his profession.

"Blank stare. It’s a date. Does it have to “work” beyond dinner? That got me wondering what the point of a date is for most women. Is it to end with a white picket fence, two and half kids, and a dog? Or is it to have a good time, a meal, maybe a stroll and some nice conversation? I argue it’s the latter. A relationship is the former, depending on whether you want to marry or not.

"I get it. You want someone with the same drive and ambition, who has the same outlook and lifestyle as yours. But you don’t have to marry a guy because you break bread with him or sit next to him at the show. I’m not saying have sex with him or go on a second date, even. I’m saying go out with him. Once. It’s two to three hours of your time, where you are having a new experience doing something new with someone new. "

Then I get to the next chapter titled "Would you date your?". At that point I closed the kindle cause I was talking about this yesterday and started writing a blog post about it already. I came straight to the blog..I feel like the sweet 8lb baby Jesus is trying to tell me something and I need to take each message in.

In all honesty, I may not know what a date is. To me, if I am going out with my friend to grab food and a movie, its not a date, we chilling. Especially if we are completely platonic. If I know you feeling me and I share the same feelings or not, then it depends on the setting. Meeting up for drinks is NOT a date to me. We just talking face to face with drinks around to make it less awkward. Even if you pay for the drinks. I have male friends who pay for my drinks all the time and don't even want to see me in a towel, never mind see my moot. I think a date consists of dinner, and (maybe) some other activity... movies, hookah, chillen in the park, etc. And there is a CLEAR outline of what we here for. Dont say we friends or we just platonic but low-key you trying to make nice to see my panties in a heap by your bed. I can't respect that. Be honest. Cause then your feelings are going to be hurt and I am going to be mad and/or feel bad cause I am going to think my slow ass gave you mixed signals.

I never really dated before, and I am still really leery about it. Even tho I may not even as much as kiss the nigga on the cheek I feel like Im being fast. Like dating too much makes me a hoe. Lol. I am not used to people just spending money on me. Fells so weird. Like I owe them sex which they not getting -__-. I don't think I am the only one. Like the book mentioned, maybe its a stigma with black women. I know white girls who have 3 dates in ONE night. These multi-tasking snow bunnies don't get called hoes. Shit, black men stay talking about marrying them! I always say black women sometimes try to hard not to be judged we don't know how to let loose, or we let loose too much and don't give a fuck about appearances. We need to find a balance, which I believe the female other colors might have perfected.

But still, Maybe I am just crazy. I saw a quote in an Essence magazine where they had black women talking about dating and it always sticks with me cause it was just so real...

"Date promiscuously. Love monogamously"