No, but Seriously...

Ok, So I'm on the phone with my homeboy. We kinda sorta had a crush on each other back in the day, but both of us was in relationships at that point. Me being me, I got over the "I like you" feeling really quick. Him, not so much. Til this day he tries to slip slick shit in out convos. So last night while we talking... i had to ask "Nigga, like... why do you even like me? whats so special about me?"

"You're she-she" was his reply... -____-

I was actually looking for a real answer. Since we were close and Im over my "crush", I felt like I could ask him and get an honest answer. Guess not. I always want to know what people see in me that makes them like me. Im an ordinary jawn. I know I got a good personality, but... I don't know. Its just weird. I ask guys when they say they feeling me "You sure?"... lol

Like I said in some post before. I have actually had some amazing men express interest in me, and although I have not take them up on their offer, I still don't understand why. It may sound stupid, but Im no where near exceptional in my opinion. I just said I wouldn't date me... so why the fuck would y'all want to?

Y'all niggas cray...

I know I can't be the only one who feels like this. I have friends who I think are absolutely amazing. Pretty, smart, accomplished, and I have all heard them say " I have no clue why he chose me". Its always hard to see how great you are, or what others see in you. If you could do it easily, you'd be conceited. No one want a conceited joint well i don't

See, the only issue with this is this is how people get taken advantage of. At the beginning of the year, I wasn't used to a compliment, so when I got it, I felt shy and flattered, and like 'OMG, this nigga thinks I'm pretty". It got me caught up getting the attention I wasn't used to. We honest on here right? Ok, well then I was a tad hype actually, sprung might be better. Now... well now I still can't take a compliment, but it doesn't get me open like before. Lol. Now i need actions to follow the words. I need you to feel a bit sprung too. I won't be out here acting like a teenage crush at 26 cause you told me you love my smile.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't have self-esteem issues (well, let me rephrase. Everyone is self conscious but I don't have low-self esteem)... I know I am a good person... I cook, clean, have a college degree, have a job, and can do a full split... I know Im a not a complete bum bottom bitch, but I guess i just have a vision of the person i want to be, and when I compare to how I am now, I aint shit. I know they could be with someone cuter, slimmer, smarter, quieter (lol), shorter, whatever... so "him" choosing me is just a shock... especially if the "him" is someone I really think is amazing and I reciprocate the interest... cause i don't fall in "like easily"

At the end of the day, i appreciate the interest... I just think y'all smoking that good shit for having it in the first place