Friday, July 13, 2012

Soap Box...

*walks up to soap box with pedestal… puts pedestal to side for later… steps on soap box… clears throat*


I. GIVE. UP.

After 1.5 years of being single… I give up. Give up what you ask? Did you find a boyfriend? NO! I give up being so laxidasical. I see why black women are so tired and disappointed. We have men who take advantage of any opportunity and it’s annoying. Men are content with being the GAN or boyfriend number 2, while we just trying to be girlfriend number 1. However, are they completely at fault? Oh no no mamita. Our issues with past relationship, or self image, and trying to think like a man and act like a lady have got us caught up and so deep in the gray area life starting to look like one of them old silent films.

I am not a dater. At all. I think it’s so weird to go out with someone randomly with the pressure that they are looking at you to potential go into a romantic situation. Or they think that spending this little bit of cash is going to be worth the moot I might (key word MIGHT) give them later. Then if they go to fast, I feel pressured… suffocated almost. If they go to slow, I feel like they don’t like me and they don’t know how to let me down gently (yea I’m an overthinker). I feel like im being judged… analyzed. I HATE that feeling. I have been taking care of others for so long, having someone pay for the tab feels awkward, so I either pick it up or feel even more awkward for the rest of the night. In the last year and a half, I have probably been on 5 dates (two I don’t even count as dates, but my friends say they are so I am giving it to them). I gave up dating and went into a more… um… casual situation. Chilling with “a friend” where I could just kick off my shoes, relax my feet party on down to the Xscape beat, and be comfortable…

*points to random DJ behind soap box to drop Lil Wayne beat*

Weezy said don’t ever get too comfortable.

I have entered the grayest of areas… Where you past friends but have no intentions of becoming more. I had a sick realization when someone was telling me how good I was… in all aspects *emoji eyes*, and it hit me… if I’m so good, why are you sitting here acting like I’m bottom? Better yet, why am I sitting here acting like I’m bottom? I joke about being bottom all the time with the homegirls, but in all actuality, I’m pretty damn dope. I may need a little work, but I am a positive, upbeat person, who cares too much sometimes, I’m self sufficient for the most part (shout out to Grandma for holding me down though), I make a mean brownie, and my cookies pretty damn good too (that had a double meaning if you didn’t catch that). Why am I giving so much of myself for men who did nothing to deserve it? We all have someone who tricked us and we have been a fool for… but when you keep making the same mistakes over and over, it’s not a mistake shawty, it’s a habit.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three or more times… I’m just a fool and it’s a shame.

I can’t change the world with this little ole blog but I can give y’all something to think about. At what point are we going to realize our worth AND act like it? The only one devaluing our moot is us because we act like it regular. Giving it out like its NYC Condoms during the African American Day Parade. We have the mentality that he can get it from any girl, so just give him the goods now and over time show him your different through your personality *makes jazz fingers in the air*

No bitch…

Once they get the moot ain’t no one thinking about how sweet you are. They already sampled the product so why they got to really buy it? You know how many men walk around Costco just to eat the free samples, with no intention of buying shit? Pretty much all of them.

When men want a career, they focus, go into hiding, interview, network, go back to school, go hard… when they ready for a woman, they will do the same. We have to accept that sometime men are not ready. We are there to break them off and distract them every once in a while until they need to go back to the task at hand. We thinking we holding them down and just waiting til they get the mind right, then finally be together… They not in jail mamita, they at home. Stop being a conjugal visit. Make them put in the same work for you as they do for their career. If they don’t do it, don’t take it as a blow to your self esteem, see is as a bullet of the uncertainty nonsense dodged and MOVE ON.

So now, I am going to go on the dates, I’m going to be uncomfortable because I need to know that someone is here for the me as the whole package, not to just get the prize inside the cereal box. At the end of the day, I’d rather start off uncomfortable to bring me into a steadier situation then be comfy and confused. If that means fewer suitors on the roster, cool. If that means less sex, fine *side eye*. Quality over quantity... Dont be a hard rock when you really are a gem... blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda. All that good stuff. So yea, like Mark Morrison, Return of the Mack. (Even though I never really was a Mack in the first place, but work with me people… plus I love the song)

Oh, remember that pedestal?

*puts pussy on it*

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