Tuesday, May 24, 2011


Kelly Rowland got us all wanting to be a grown man's motivation...

But whats yours?

Weird question right?

Maybe I am the only one, but I have no self- motivation... (We can be honest here no?) Unless I am doing something for someone else or I know my success is what others depends on... I get lazy. Like, I think if given the opportunity, I could chill for a minute on unemployment and watching Maury in my room. Chillen. But I know I cant. I have Marcus who is 12 and about to get sucked into a world of basketball, fast girls in short catholic school uniforms (bitches), and bad decisions.

I hate my job. Not so much the company, but the work I do here. I been looking for another job for a while now. I get lazy, when I get no responses, I get discouraged... But let someone else need a job. They get emails daily from me about openings.

My friends often call me Captain Save a Hoe. I know I know. I always want to help someone. Maybe its the fact that I am hopeful that one day if it is me someone would help me. Or I remember the days when I had no one to help me, struggling and crying, and when someone did help me and ignored my refusal, the immense gratitude I felt to these Angels of Mercy on Earth I called friends. I like they are not alone in this world. Is that doing to much? Yea. Probably

But I would much rather be called Captain Save a Hoe than the unreliable friend. I know people take advantage of my kindness, and when I see it I stop it. Their judgment will come with God, not me, so Ill let Him handle that...

But the other day as I was blasting Motivation in Barney, I realized... I need to be self motivated.. I'm here singing and willing to make my vagina make a man go the distance, but I can't use my own heart to give my self drive? What kind of ratchet scallywag am I...?

I am going to work on pushing myself into a better place without using outside factors to do so. They are the extra drive, but if I don't have them I slow down? Cant do that... '

But for now... *quietly sings* "I don't want to feel my leggssss"

Thursday, May 19, 2011


Ok, so I wrote a post for am amazing site called Venus Genus. I suggest everyone go to it and read stories about "everyday" women. I was inspired and I know you will be too.

I digress though. I wrote a post and here is the link


After it went up today, I received calls, emails, text, GChat messages, tweets that had me up and walking away from my desk a million times. Yall know I am a crier.

I appreciate everyone support in what I do. Some of the things yall said dead shocked me and made me feel a bit stronger/better about this situation. This blog post isn't much of a repayment of what you guys gave me, but its a start.

Thank You

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The Single Struggle

Do you miss him?


That sound mean huh? It's not meant to be. It's meant to be real. I get the question very often. I don't get annoyed by it either. I don't miss him. I did before. I realize now I wasn't dating 03 Stinkface anymore. I was dating David. Him, I didn't know.

Not going to lie though, you do miss certain things. This single struggle is real.

I miss waking up in the morning and him being there. "Can I hit it in the morning" one of my favorite songs out now. There is a reason

I miss having a person to drag with me to certain things with. I been trying to watch Paranormal Activity 2 for months... But no one want to watch with me.

I miss having a reason to not go out.

I miss having someone pay for a change though he hadn't done that for a while

I miss having someone always there to fix my car

I miss knowing when the next time I was gonna have sex was

I miss knowing when the next time I was gonna have sex was

I know it's there twice

I miss having someone else drive.

I miss having someone telling me I'm gorgeous when I know I'm not.

I miss the soup deliveries when I'm not feeling good.

I miss someone making sure I got in the house ok when I came home late.

I guess what in saying is I don't miss him, I just miss the feeling. A lot of people confuse the two and I'm actually glad we don't speak at all so I never got the two confused and back tracked. Don't get me wrong, this single life has been very good to me... I have met amazing people that I probably would of never ever seen once if I was with him. But old habits die hard. I don't want a relationship right now at all... Im married to the money and I am not trying to cheat...But every time the beat to Skin drops I can't help want parts of that old things back...

Want to Cudddle?


Is that weird?

I do not like cuddling... I don't like you touching me that much when I am sleeping cause then well... I cant sleep.

Even when I was with David. He wold hold me at night, which was great, and we talked for a bit then he dozed off... and stayed there...like... didn't move.

I was never big on cuddling. Guys think all girls love to fall asleep in their arms... Not when you a light sleeper. Nope. All you want to do is turn you back and go to sleep. Hold me when we awake and can appreciate it, not when I am sleeping then wake up feeling all tired and shit. Wrap that up

There was no point to this. Just figured I would share... and let you know even more that I am weird

But Wait...

"I guess I was just naive"

As I said it, it hit my like a abusive man slapping his battered girlfriend.

I finally had a long overdue talk with someone who means very much to me. As we were speaking, I was getting emotional whats new... and when my emotions run high my words run out... and that's what came out

What. The. Fuck

I am naive. I am 26... How the hell is that possible? I have experienced a damn lot. And if I didn't, my friends did and I was there to witness what they had. How the hell am I naive?

Guess I was naive to my naivety...

At 26, I'm starting the fuck over. Everything I knew about dating was from 16... and let me tell you... Times changed B...

Crazy part is, after the initial shock, I was OK with the statement. I guess it true that admitting it is the first part to recovery. I am always putting on her be honest with yourself, so I guess I should take my own advice.

I was naive. And that's OK. Cause now I know. And now I am not. Everyone is naive at some point in time in their life. That's what life is. To Live. Learn. Grow... and be naive until... well until your not.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Just Me

I was talking to this guy one day, and we have had a mutual attraction to each other... He said to me..

I usually dont like girls who curse

I in turned replied, " Hi, Im Sioban. Its nice to meet you"

I am not perfect. Nor do I ever claim to be. I curse like a sailor. I am clumsy. 98.3% of the time I eat something I drop food. I am pierced. I am tatted. I get confused easily. I am stubborn. I am blunt. I am silly. My pride is overwhelming. I am emotional and logical simultaneously. I color my hair too damn much. I am indecisive. I was never the girly girl. I am taking my heels off in the club if they hurt....

But when someone needs me I am there. You need a shoulder to cry on I offer two. You in a bind and I have $1, believe you do too. I will cut someone throat like Chiquita from Belly for the ones I love. I worked damn hard to finish school. I help when I can cause I know how hard it is to do it on your own. Id rather smile than frown. I love totally. I look past faults. I admit my own faults. I consider you a friend until you prove me wrong which could go up there with the bad qualities...

In this life people look at the bad before the good. I do too. Nothing is wrong with it at all. I just let yall know what you getting into. I accept who I am.

This is me... I want you to take it, but I am ok with you leaving it

Monday, May 9, 2011

Look Quickly....

I look happy no?

Smiles get less questions than frowns...

Word of the Day

friend [frɛnd]
1. a person known well to another and regarded with liking, affection, and loyalty; an intimate
2. an acquaintance or associate
3. an ally in a fight or cause; supporter

Just a reminder... How many of us have them?

Dont Do Shit You Cant Afford....

One of the many rules black people can not adhere too. Dead Ass. including me tho

"@KoolestKidOut .....
I told my man to come to my charity event. Money said "I can't. I'm saving my money for Cancun" naaaaaaa"

My homeboy Kam inspired this post with that tweet. I was disgusted. I was going to retweet but I couldn't even do it. I came straight here. What kind of shit are we on now a days? No seriously. Isn't that the most asinine thing I have heard in so long. So you can coon in Cancun and get drunk? But you cant spend 15 dollars on 2 drinks to help support kids that probably live in the apartment next to you. Oh...

We. Have. To. Do. Better.

While working at Macy's, there was a Santa ringing a bell collecting money for kids at Christmas. I remember being outside on lunch, on the phone, when a young girl asked her mom if she can put $5 dollars in the bucket to help. I thought that was so sweet...

Until the ratchet ass mother replies "If I give you $5 to put in, that's just gonna be less money for your gifts. You don't want that do you?" I think that's the day I started to loose faith in our future. How f.cking sad is that? You are teaching your kids to be selfish and think about themselves before helping out hers who really need it?

If this is the shit we are instilling in young children then we have no hope.

Now to the original point of the post. We have to stop doing shit we can not afford. Why you buying out the bar knowing that you not gonna be able to eat lunch for the rest of the week until pay day next Friday? Oh so niggas can say you bought the bar out on twitter? Those niggas eating B...you know why? Cause you bought their drinks... Only thing you got out of it was a new profile pic of you holding a Ciroc bottle you probably didn't even get to drink any of.

I am not gonna lie, I have went on vacay knowing good and well money gonna be hella tight when I come back. I've went shopping for new shoes knowing I should be putting money in my savings account. But I have never acted a coon and not paid my bills before vacay. Or neglected my responsibilities so that way I can act like Fabolous and throw it in the bag anymore.

Sometimes you need to get away. At one point or another, we are all gonna be broke. But broke is a temporary state. These kids RKidsNYC is trying to help are poor. That's their way of life. Permanent until they can change it. Or you help them change it.

Dead Ass... We. Have. To. Do. Better....

RKidsNYC Happy Hour
Bar 12
34th and 3rd
May 20th

I mean...

Virgins can dream too, no? lol

Can I get a do over?

Remember that? When you used to play games and get do overs? No one ever told you at 5 that there were no do overs in life. And if they did you weren't even thinking about that... you just thought they didn't know how to play the game or they were being a pee pee la.

No one told you that you dont get time wasted on a man, friend, job, or situation back.

No one told you that you cant kiss a boo boo good bye.

No one told you that time heals all wounds, but that didn't mean they wouldn't leave a scar.

No one told you that at 26 you would have a mid "mid-life crisis"

No one told you that the person you love the most, can be the same person you hate the most too.

No one told you that big girls do cry... maybe more than little girls.

No one told you that people fall out of love

No one told you that there are people who just dead ass dont want to see you happy.

No one told you that college would be the best time of your life

I have no regrets in life, just lessons learned...

But damned if I dont wish I could get a time machine to bring me back to when do overs worked...

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Queen Bee

I text my ex's brother today to tell him to wish his wife and mother a Happy Mothers day. He replied that I am the sweetest. My reply "I am not that sweet". His response was...

"Bees create sweet honey, but if you bother them, you deal with their fury"

I actually love that and thought how appropriate it was for me

Until I realized its the bees that die when they sting...

Again... How appropriate for me.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Amazing women like to dance too

Dead Flesh

Sometimes with burn victims, when the flesh has been damaged so bad... they have to cut the dead parts off for you to heal properly...

It an excruciating pain, but it has to be done to survive...

I'm starting to think the same rules apply to people in your life.


Someone forwarded me a message saying

"As an adult, you have to know when 'See you later' really means goodbye"

In other words, know when it's time to Let Go...

Lovers and Friends

Lovers and Friends was the joint in 2004/2005. Of course I never understood the content behind it because I was cuffed like I shot the sheriff and the deputy. Now that I am single, and the song came on the radio, and it was like a whole new song. This sh.t is real. But in all honesty, can you be lovers and just friends?

In my opinion yes and no. The term “lovers” denotes emotions. Once there are emotions involved, yall not just friends. There is something deeper. There is not term, but he probably moved from the friend to the GAN category. Once you start daydreaming about holding hands, or maybe going on dates at candelight, that’s not your friend anymore. You have to establish that with yourself. You have to be honest with yourself. Nothings wrong with wishing there could be more, but there is when you THINK there is something more. Don’t get crazy mamita, cause your feelings will get hurt…

However, if they only daydreams you have are of him hitting from the back while you bent over his balcony, or getting it popping in the back of a red Jeep Liberty, then you really just may be friends. Sometimes tho, you need time to realize this. Sex is a powerful drug (yall know I am a virgin, Im just saying). Horniness can be misinterpreted into feelings. Especially with females. I think the chemical reaction with estrogen and whatever hormone is released when you are turned on scrambles the majority of female’s brains (kind of like the reaction with baking soda and vinegar). Actually, Im absolutely positive. (I was pre-med for a semester of freshman year, I be knowing). That’s why people “talk”, to see where it is going. So someone you thought you liked before could really just be your friend. You got to give yourself time. Once you realize this, its amazing insight. You approach situations differently. Even the sex is different. The person is no longer your lover, or potential one. They’re your friend that your f.cking.

That’s fine too. Honesty is key. Especially with yourself