Tuesday, August 31, 2010

I thought it, She wrote it...

T Lloyd did it again. She took the words I was thinking and put it on the internet. Not sure if everyone here follows her blog, but here is one of her latest post. Read it then forward it to a guy... lol..

I did


Monday, August 30, 2010

Why hasn't anyone stopped me yet?

I bought a pair of shoes today...

Jesus Take The Wheel


This weekend, I watched someone very dear to me, who has helped me through a whole lot, put their hand in their palms, look at me, completely and utterly helpless.

I wanted to rip my heart out. I hate loosing control of any situation in my life. But when those situations do occur, I have people who help me bring it back to a place I am comfortable. They are my stability, they are my rock. So to see this person, look at me, they way I know I have looked at them many of times in the many many years we have known each other, with no solution, was heart wrenching.

I think me not being able to assist this person be able to even get hope about regaining control was the worst I have felt in years.


So I love to read. I dont know if everyone knows this about me... But I love to read. My grandfather is the smartest man I know, and when my mom became pregnant with me, and my father died, he retired working at Turner as the Head Construction Lead, and took on his new full time position, as "She She's Grandpa". He came from Antigua in 1962 and worked from the ground up with my grandma and provided this amazing life he created for my mom and aunts, and ultimately me. Somewhere in that head of his, he figured, if he started teaching me early, I would excel in school and wouldn't struggle like he had to. So every day, he would pick me up from school. he would have my fresh fruit salad (that he prepared before I came home EVERYDAY) waiting. Let me watch a half hour of my show then by 3 o'clock, no later than 3:30, I would start my homework. Because he made sure I knew my entire timetables by the time I was in kindergarten, my homework never took me more than an hour. So by 5, it was times for him to teach. My grandfather has read and RE-WRITTEN the Websters Dictionary and Encyclopedia (and when I say encyclopedia, I mean every book, A-Z). That's how he knew which words to pick out, that I had to learn. When I think about it, it was hell. I was rebellious as sh*t. I cried, kicked, screamed, begged for mercy... but that West Indian man was not having it. I also got no sympathy from my mom and aunts... they had paid their dues already. I would do this for 2 hours, in enough time to watch Jeopardy and Wheel of fortune by his and my grandma side.

OK... back to the point..

Although, I had my designated lessons from Grandpa, you couldn't stop me from reading my favorite books... Gooesbumps. I read every single book they had out until I got to high school...

OK again, back to the point. Reading is my release. I read the whole Twilight series in a week in a half. And the only reason it took me so long is because I borrowed them and the girl took 3 days to bring one in. I read one book in 6 hours. So when my friends created a book club I was on it. I love reading new books, that I never would of picked up on my own, and throw in good food and some opinionated friends, and I'm in there.

This book up is the Help. I just finished reading it. I am not gonna give it away but I loved the book until the end. Maybe I'm being crazy and unrealistic, but I hate books/movies without a happy ending. I got too much sh*t going on in my life to think about the horrible sh*t that goes on outside my world. Especially when that sh*t is fiction. Damn, can I feel semi-happy, for a minute? Even if I am living vicariously through a a white peachy toned teenage girl who feel for the guy that was poorer than her. Here is another secret. I love sappy PB romantic movies. Jesus, take the wheel. I LOVE them. I still cry like a baby watching the Notebook. I need the happiness. I need the getaway...

What was the point of this post? Pick up the Help and only recommend books to me where someone happy in the end. Thanks.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

A better me? Or a blinder one?

Ok so Sat we went to Spa Castle in Queens for one of my family members who is really a friend bday. @T_Lloyd(I know she dont like he name out there) is the one who inspired me to start this blog and for this small piece of sanity, I thank her...

But I digress... I couldn't find my one piece bathing suit to go into the pool at the Spa so I figured I would put on the bikini I bought for Spring break 4 years and 20lbs ago. I was gonna wear a wife beater and my gray Temple shorts as a cover up, but when we got there, the separate lockers, orange and pink cult clothes, and a dying phone battery got me confused and I left everything but what was on me in my locker. So pool time came and I was just too lazy to go down stairs for the pool clothes... so I shed the cult uniform and went in... with just my bikini. EEK! Thinking about it now I shiver at how I must of looked. I do not have stretch marks or anything like that, but I am not skinny. I dont know if it was the weight I lost, or the fact it was my ex-unofficial roomie's bday and we were having so much fun, that I wasn't even bothered. I know I wasn't looking like a Vickie Secrets model, but no one screamed, vomited, or did the sign of the cross at my thunder thighs or unflat stomach. That's a big deal for me. Even when I bought the bikini at first, I wore shorts with it. Maybe I am becoming more secure, maybe I just dont give a f*ck what people say about me cause no matter what I do they are going to talk if they want. I had fun, my T.Lloyd had fun, we all had fun... and that's all that matters! Three of my homegirls even went into the sans clothes room. I'm semi jealous of them. I wish I had the confidence to go in there. But like I said before... Baby Steps. However, next time we go, I will go in that room (I just need to make sure my Brazilian on point cause I saw some fro's out there). I am not going to make a habit out of wearing a bikini, this time was an accident, but at least I wore it... in public!

Happy Bday My Love

PS-It took me forever to find a pic of just us... This is unacceptable

Love is Hard...

The end...

It Gets No Better Than This...

That's what Bruce told Kourt on Keeping up with the Kardashians. I don't have the quote exactly but he told her that dating is the best time of the relationship. It doesn't get better after you get married. It made so much sense for him to say it so simply. When you date, especially in the beginning, everything is great. You are all lovey dovey, he whispers sweet nothings in your ear, he cooks, rubs your feet, holds your bag, drives you everywhere, basically is fake perfect. When you get married some things may stay, but they don't keep doing this stuff cause you already signed that marriage certificate, so they figured they got you, and all the work is done. So if you dating, and he is a jerk, he doesn't do sh*t, and is just a general asshole now that your are in the lovey dovey phase when sh*t is supposed to be sweet, its not getting any better... *lightbulb*

This made me think of all the dumb broads who really believe that getting married will solve their relationship problems. SMH. Now, I shouldn't judge because this is based off what you as a person can handle. Certain things I take from Stinkface I know others couldn't take. Like the fact that he is Always. Effin. Late. I swear this man has no sense of time. I think its so inconsiderate. I am damn near at my breaking point with it. He is also horrible with compromise/sharing. For some these would be deal breakers. However, I see how he is with my brothers and godchildren. How attentive he is to my family and his (even though it gets on my nerves sometimes cause I get ignored), and a whole bunch of great sh*t that's too long to list. But if your man is cheating on you every week, and you finding out... every week, and he slapping you, and not doing any house work, and he doesn't take care of his kids (by you or not), its not gonna get better cause he put a ring on it... Oh no no sister... its only gonna get worse cause now you really just can't pick up and leave. I am not saying people can't change. I have seen it. One of my friends cheated on his girl too many times for me to count. Now he is married and faithful. I truly believe he is a changed man. But if he doesn't make the change before y'all get married... I don't think its happening honey

Example: You man doesn't pay for sh*t, he drives your car, put mad tickets on it, you have to pay, doesn't pay when y'all go out, cheats on your, or openly flirts with girls in front of you... Than man is marrying you cause you put up with it. This girl from my high school fits this description perfectly. Now she has no job, no schooling, a kid, she married the man, but they don't live together and he has ran her credit through the roof, and ran her savings into the ground.

Now it made me also sit and think... am I content with the relationship I have with Stinkface or do I want more? I would love he brought me flowers or little gifts more, or wrote me letters like he used too, or took me out to dates more. And definitely if he was more early/on-time than he was late. But I have to be realistic. We have been dating for over 7 years, and he did all that stuff when we first started dating. Now he probably thinking like me. We technically already married... so these things have slowed down. And his tardiness just can't be fixed... He was born late... it was destined in the stars...

I am not saying be stupid and irrational and break up with you man cause he doesn't bring you flowers every week, but ladies (and gentlemen), I know it random, sit down and take a minute to sit and think if you fulfilled with you relationship. Cause if your not now, you probably never will be. Marriage doesn't change anything about the current state of the relationship except insurance rates...

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Life Lesson Addition

-You can't be Ugly and Rude... You need one positive quality. Your options are:
-Ugly and Nice
-Pretty and Rude
-Pretty and Nice (best option)

Don't set yourself up for failure...

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


They going in on Twitter again people... The new TT #Note2Females/Males...

The majority of these coming from @LilMissKJ_ (follow her) but these are my favorite and need to be added to the Life Lessons handbook

-#Note2Females do not tell ur girls how good your man is in the bedroom...trust me...one of them now wants to find out for herself. Smh

-#Note2Females don't be with someone u have to nag and complain about all the time.

-#Note2Females stop hating on guys that ride bus especially when ur a** is sitting right next to him. *side eye at some of my friends*

-#Note2Females Chivalry is damn there dead because there are not many LADIES left

-#Note2Females I'm learning that when you love yourself first you love your man the best. Think about it

-#Note2Females we all have the exact love life we want bc we put up with it. Ur bad relationship is no longer just his fault if u choose to deal.

-#Note2Females n*ggas not looking for wifey hate this word in the club

-#Note2Females stop being so loud in public, NO ONE who aint in the convo want to hear all your business

-#Note2Females not everyone is trying to talk to you, stop acting as such

-#Note2males STOP asking about the last dude, if his d*ck was bigger, money longer, etc, etc...right here, right now, I'm f*cking with YOU!

-#Note2Females If u don't do it for ur dude, he'll find a girl who will. Not just in the bedroom. Clean up & learn 2 cook his fave meals too

Ill add as more comes in on Twitter

If It Is Broke, Then Fix It...

"I dead ass like him. Like I wonder if I should call him, I wait for his text. I hate it. Its Gay"- Anonymous Home Girl

"Um, why"- Me

"Everyone I have dated, I have been friends with for years. I don't date, I just go straight into the relationship"- AHG

"Well, we see how those turned out. Maybe you need to try this new gay sh*t"- Me

*light bulb goes off* "You right"- AHG

Just cause its your comfort zone don't mean its not a danger zone...

My Black Is Beautiful

They coming to NY Sept 18th. There is gonna be some good things going on. Registration is free. Make sure you select NY from the drop box on the top cause I accidentally registered for Atlanta first


Don't Let Him Hit You with the Flex

Read and Share


Do You know How It Feels to Wake Up With Someone That You Love? *Ricky Blaze Voice*

I know how it feels... Tiring

Stinkface had been staying in Queens with his Parents until we can start looking for places next month. He works in Dobsferry and with me working like a Hebrew Slave at work picking up extra OT, and his commute back to Queens, our quality time together during the week is very scarce. So the weekends are our time to catch up on the QT right?

Well there is another factor in this equation... He cant sleep at his parents house. For some reason he can not sleep soundly there, so as soon as he gets to Case de Massiah, he knocks out like a burped newborn.

Why am I telling you this and risking Stinkface pinching me for writing about him? I am setting the frame work people...

So Sat night he comes in. He comes over around 10:45pm... By 11 he is snoring sleep. I just let him sleep. Its been a while since we have slept in the same bed for a whole night because of our living situations, and I was happy at the idea of sleeping next to my future husband. When we first started going out, I would instantly fall asleep in his arms...I was even able to sleep over he loud snoring. When I woke up the next morning I would be refreshed. I wouldn't be able to sleep in my own bed the following night, because I missed him so much...

I closed my eyes and waited to drift into my peaceful comfy sleep...

It never happened

I guess since we haven't slept next to each other in so long, I got used to sleep alone. I still was able to sleep through the snoring... but his arms felt like lead in stead of protection... I felt confined. I did get some sleep in and out, but this wasn't like 2003... oh no... It was like World War III. Of course his sleepy ass ain't notice a thing... smh

The next day when he left and I took a nap, I slept great. So rule out it just being a restless sleep night. And this scared me. I LOVES me some sleep. I need 8 hrs or I am liable to slap a kitten in the face with a rainbow, break that rainbow in half, steal the pot of gold at the end, then kick the leprechaun with it in the nuts. I am just no good. Am I ever gonna be able to sleep good next to him? It made me sad. Like real sad. Bad sleep to be is like Bad sex to most women... ITS NOT AN OPTION

Now me not marrying Stinkface over sleep would be dumber than throwing away a winning lotto ticket it cause its not numbers I wanted to win with... but I needs my sleep. However, I will take Ambien nightly if need be necessary. Hopefully it will was a fluke, and next time we sleep together it wont be on a full sized bed in 85+ degree weather (we don't like being hot). I love that gorilla, and I'm going to wake up next to him every morning, even if I am groggy from the sleep aids

Whats the point of this post? Love isn't always perfect or romantic and mystical. It about compromise. If you think a small thing such as not sleeping cute together, or you don't take good pictures together, or any other trivial excuse to not be with someone you TRULY love, then your a whole jack ass... yes... YOU you know who you are

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Im a sucker for a sweet BBM and a smiley face...

Him:Good Morning my Love. Its a beautiful Day and I'm so thankful to have a beautiful and wonderful woman like you in my life ;) :*

After this my headache and stomach disappeared... This made my day, and things like this make the days that aren't so perfect with him all worth it.

Ms. She Life Lessons

Yesterday on the good Twitter, My home girl Dash(S/o to her and her blog, http://dashofreality.wordpress.com/) said something about women and black eyeliner. I don't wear make-up everyday, but I have it on stock, as should every female. This got me to thinking about the rules...I have rules/theories/sayings things I truly... TRULY... believe in. I think they are Life Lessons. Everyone should know them, live by them, try to honor and follow them in your everyday life. Today, I will let you know what I (my opinions, so if you offended please pack it up and go read another blog) think are necessary life lessons (female edition):

Ms. She's Life Lessons you may want to bookmark this:

-Men will only do what you allow. But they are men, so they will keep pushing... stand your ground... if he leaves you for it, then you got to make the decision if he is worth the compromise.

-Don't fight ugly people, they have nothing to loose. They also go straight for the face

-Make sure you know how to fight. Cause if an ugly person does attack, you need to be able to save your face.

-Don't go out with your friend who talks shit, but doesn't fight. You going to have to fight for her and then your face will be in jeopardy.

-Make sure you have "real friends". The ones who won't agree with you to spare your feelings. Real friends don't give a f*ck about your feelings now, cause they know they saving you in the long run. They will tell you to take that weave out, not wear that dress, or that you can not dance... before someone else laughs at you about it that you do not know (which is much worse)

-You don't have to wear make-up but you should know how to apply it.

-If you do not wear make-up, you should still own these bare essentials- black eyeliner, black mascara, a concealer, a neutral/versatile eyeshadow, a neutral/versatile lip-gloss/lipstick.

-If you, as a woman, do not own black eyeliner, you are not winning

-A man wants a women who can take care of the house (cook,clean,etc), support him (even dumb ass ideas that y'all both know wont happen, but he doesn't want to be shot down, and f*ck... You need to be able to do 2 out of the 3 (and f*cking is mandatory), if not... consider it a #fail

-Your Purse should have the following- a mirror, $20, something that can be used as a weapon but won't get you arrested if the cops search your bag, a regular chap-stick/blistex, a tinted lip-gloss/lipstick, an emergency pad/tampon, a condom if you know your loose, lotion, deodorant, and some type of wipe... These are ESSENTIALS... Don't get caught out there ladies

-Learn how to change a tire, he won't be there every time, and frankly, you may not be cute enough to pull someone else to dirty their clothes for you

-*warning* This may upset some women *warning* Just because you aren't giving your man head, doesn't mean your man isn't getting head. *ye shrug*

-Dress up for no reason for your man. I am not a person who gets fancy every time I go out, *see previous post* but I sometime put the occasional outfit together for Stinkface so he wont leave me for the next thing wearing and ironed dress and some peep toe flats

-Know what you man likes. Stinkface hates me wearing sweat pants. When we first started going out he expressed this, I tried to rebel cause he should love me know matter what I am in... I was 18 then. Now I keep the sweats only for the gym or if I am in a rush and have no other choices when running to the store with him. He also hates armpit hair... I keep Nair on stock. He also doesn't like leggings- I draw the line there... remember, they will keep pushing

-Hypocritical statement pending Let that man be a man. I am trying my hardest at this but everything does not have to be an argument. Everyone knows you are independent, and can hold your own, but if you have a man, let him be a man. Let him handle things.

-Spin off of the previous rule another hypocritical statement pending, i really am trying to. Ladies, SHUT THE FUCK UP SOMETIMES. You do not have to argue everything. Sometimes its pointless, I know you want it to be known that you are not a pushover, and will not stand for the bullsh*t, but damn... Now you look like the annoying girlfriend who is always so damn miserable. He won't want to talk to you to avoid the inevitable argument... Find the happy medium... If he wanted Burger King and You wanted Wendy's... Please resist the urge to channel Sistah Souljah... suck it up and get a whopper hoe...

-Get your sh*t together before you get a man. Please. Don't make that man hold your purse AND you baggage...

-Get a pair of heels that you can walk in comfortably. Flats don't go with everything. If you do not know how to walk in heels, practice makes perfect.

-Save some money hoe! Emergencies happen. A maxed out card, no money in your savings, and $15.75 in your checking because you needed all the latest sh*t is not cute. Hope them new Louboutins is cute when you walking to the bus stop cause you didn't have the money to fix your car... #YouNotFancy

-Know how to do your own hair... If you can get to the hair dresser and you have an interview tomorrow, you gonna go looking like Who done it and why? You better borrow your friend flat iron and get it poppin...

-Get some female friends. He loves you, but no some much that he wants to be with you 24/7. he want to play video games, and do sh*t that doesn't include you. Its not an insult, accept it, and either go out with your friends, go to lunch by yourself, anything... just leave him alone.

-If her DOES want to spend all his time with you, be with you 24/7... RUN... That n*gga crazier than a soup sandwich!

-If all your friends are whores, don't be mad when people assume you are too. Birds of a feather flock together...Re-evaluate your friends

-Get some type of education... Beauty fades, but dumb is forever

-Have some goals (for men and women)... If you just a cashier, try and strive for head cashier. If you on the block, run that block, don't be the dowger for 5 years... Don't get comfortable... No Ceilings Free Weezy

-Keep your nether-regions groomed. Shave it, wax it, nair it, trim it, but do something to it... all I'm saying is, if you can't take care of the outside that you can see... I don't even wanna THINK about whats going on INSIDE.

-Know what looks good on you. I'm yellow, so I can't wear certain yellows. I want to, but I know I can't. If you have cellulite, don't wear skin tight miniskirts. You are a darker skintone, don't color your hair platinum blonde. Ask, a real friend, they will tell you

-Have some sexy lingerie on hand at all times. It doesn't even have to be a teddy or anything crazy, but at least TWO pairs on a matching lace bra panty set.

Ok so this is what I have so far. PLEASE add your own to the comments, women AND Men. I would love to see what else is considered necessities... I could learn a thing or two. You never know... you just might save a hoe life!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

I have a Problem...

I am not going to lie to you or myself. I have a shopping problem. Its weird. I am not making excuses but I think its because when in college and just graduating, I didn't have extra money to shop that hard. I am a Capricorn, so my nature is to handle business first (ie: bills) then handle the fun (ie: clothes). Also, I am chubby (shut up Dunni and Elon), clothes never fit me right, so shopping wasn't (and sometimes still isn't) always fun for me.

When I first got this current job, I had extra, especially if I got a commission check. Ask me where my money is now... Go ahead...

Random Blog Reader- Sio, where is your money now
Me- *hangs head in shame* I don't know

I bought everything... shoes clothes bags dinner drinks gifts. You would of thought I was the illegitimate child of Diddy. Then, things kind of got tight, and the Capricorn in me kicked in again. A shirt here, a shoe there, a quick dinner here. I went back to being frugal. I also was on my weight loss kick so everything was bought from the store. Then the last 2 weeks 3 things happened:

-Stinkface got a new job! *bbm happy dance*
-I got a commission check
-I lost my mind...

Sweet 8lb baby Jesus be a fence. I bought shoes, clothes, video games for my Wii, dinners, hair products... the list goes on. I paid half my credit card off too (I am not that bad), but I kind of scared myself. Lol. Now usually I hide the shoes I buy from Stinkface, he says I have too much *bbm talk to the hand*, but he reads this blog and we getting married so honesty is the best policy...

But I promise you may loose a limb if you touch those shoes sir -_-

Now one thing you also need to know about me is I go into panic mode. Once I check that Citibank account and realize the damage I done, I re-evaluate. I am an impulse buyer, but I am also a serious returner. I look at all my purchases, evaluate what I REALLY need and bring the stuff I don't back. I bought a YES To CARROTS Shampoo, Conditioner, and Deep Conditioner (Amazing line by the way, not to expensive, natural and your hair is soft and moisturized). Though I love it, I already have a YES TO CUCUMBER conditioner at home. I actually have a lot of hair products that need to be finished! I also bought an Aveda anti frizz serum and Damage remedy leave in (for damn near $30 a piece). I kept the damage remedy cause i love it... but I know damn well I got 5 anti frizz serums at home, and none work because my hair never stayed straight in the summer! Even with a perm. I bought a DJ hero game (-_- don't judge me). I wanted something that me and stinkface can both play and he doesn't just beat me every time. Oh, but no one won with that game... le sigh.

Now here is what I am keeping *closes eyes and list*:
4 pairs of 9 west shoes
Hunter Rain boots
Over the knee Steve Madden suede boots
Bandalino flats
Dance Dance Revolution Game for Wii
2 other Wii Games
a Wii nunchuck
Wii controller Covers
P90x resistance bads and pull up bar
100 on my God sis wedding dinner
150 on her damn wedding gift
a pair of Nordstrom wedges
The above mentioned things
Yes to Carrots for my Mouckey (see I am giving)
earrings, bracelet, and purse for my cousin wedding

See all these shoes!

I cant remember anything else, but do I need too? Whew. I am contemplating returning the DDR for Wii, but its so fun! The shoes go NO WHERE... insert excuses and reasoning here but I need to reward myself, no?

I am stopping now though. Except for a few random outings (bdays and housewarmings), Im done... Girl Scouts Honor *hold up GS sign*

hope no one realizes I was a girl scout for 3 months, and that I got a tabs on my computer open to ebay, express, and nordstrom

*Smiles Sweetly*

Wednesday, August 4, 2010


Its not the load that breaks you down, its the way you carry it- Lena Horne (RIP)