Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Watch this video if you don't think you're beautiful

Watch this video if you don't think you're beautiful

This is what one of my most respected friends sends me after she chewed my ass open for calling myself the ugly friend on Instagram. She said someone sent it to her as we were speaking and she wanted to share.

PLEASE watch it. I shed a tear... But Im a thug so it could have been a high pollen count.

I dont think you understand how this hit me. Not just for me but because I have heard my friends describe themselves and I look at them like they crazy. Like, are you buying those shaky mirrors from the 99 cent store that makes your reflection look crazy?

If I had to describe myself right now, Id probably describe myself as a taller darker version of Quasi Moto. Lmao. I don't think I am ugly, its just I see my imperfections clearer than most. Just as ANY person does.

However, seeing this video was heart wrenching. So many women view themselves in such a negative light that their actual image of themselves is a permanent skew.

So that brings me back to my friend cursing me out. I love my friends. They do not sugar coat things and i appreciate that... Diabetes run in my family and aint nobody got time for that. I want it straight like a shot. That doesn't mean ill agree or just accept their opinions, but I don't want it any other way...

So, I joke around and put under twitter pics that I'm the bottom friend and I'm the ugly friend. These are jokes. I don't think I am ugly. However, I believe my friends are exceptionally gorgeous. Like illuminati gorgeous. And they are smart and hard working. They are just all around amazing. When we go out, guys and some girls flock to them. Im in the corner being regular, so I joke around and call myself the ugly friend. Key word: Joke

However, this post isn't to defend my actions, it to publicly acknowledge their poison. I am speaking it into existence. I know the power of words and having your mentality right. Speaking these words, writing it, make them real. Gives them life. Eventually, I will be just like, if not worse, than the woman on this video. I need to focus on the positive, and so should you. Focus on the the good. Look in the mirror and smile. Be comfortable in your skin and happy with yourself.

Am I going to be on IG or twitter posing and calling myself the baddest...? No. Cause i don't even want the jokes thats SURE to follow, and I am not delusional.

I will make the effort to think I am beautiful everyday... and believe it.

Have a blessed day y'all.

Re-Reading My Life.

When you re read your favorite book... You don't start from the middle... or just the good part. You start from the beginning. Thats what I did. Friday, June 11th, 2010 at 9:27pm... I posted my first on this blog. I was lost in my thoughts listening to the Miseducation of Lauryn Hill. Feeling alone in a room a of people, and the only thing there to keep me comfort was my wifi.

I re-read "So I guess I blog now" and all I could say was FUCK. To y'all, this might be a regular blog post. To me, i see the pain in every letter, the insecurity with every "...". So much has changed in almost 3 years. Especially the blog. It kind of went from Random Epiphanys to Relationship Epiphanys, and that was never the goal. But there was a point in my life where all i thought about was jawns, and how we went wrong. Broken Hearts and Broken Condoms. How the sheets were almost as messed up as how me and #him (pick one) treated each other. My tunnel vision was more thorough than the Lincoln.

But then, guess what... Yup, Had an epiphany. And 2013 happened... and God sent down some blessings. And when I say some... i mean an OVERWHELMING amount. Now my mind, my heart, and my eyes are open. And I want to bring my epiphanies back to being random.

This blog was/is not a career. But I've always had support. I appreciate that. I just want other people to know they not crazy alone.

FYI some things havent changed:
-First and foremost... I would rather be hated for honest than liked for being a liar-I HEART Nicki Minaj... -I am allergic to kiwis-I don't like scallops unless they grilled-Im scared of elevators- Not anymore!!!!! (well not really)-and Pigeons-and spiders-and vomit-and well... I won't get carried away... if I look like I'm going to run just dont bring it close--- 

Still very true...
-My friends are the family I choose... and I will shed blood for my blood- Always and forever.

Welcome Back, and if you've never read... Just Welcome.