Monday, January 30, 2012

A/S/L

Send the face with the tongue cause Im nasty...

Yall remember those online chatrooms that used to be poppin back in 2001? Everyone was on AOL trying to find a boo or talk their shit. Yea. Those. I was all up in those… SheCaramel85 ya heard me!… Little did I we know those were the beginning of the end.

Myspace, BlackPlanet, Facebook, Instagram, TWITTER (the ultimate devil), has ruined communication. Period. Now this sounds crazy coming from me right? I tweet all day. I have no reason not too. But I have a confession… I hate talking on the phone.

WHEW! There… I said it. Something about the phone is like the most awkward thing for me. I cant gauge people inflections in their voice; I never know what to do when there are awkward silences in the air, and I think my voice is weird so I feel like people are judging how I sound. Yea. Yea. Yea…. I know. I’m loony. But it’s true. If I can text, I will. I feel more controlled. I can gauge conversations myself, and can never be misquoted or misquote because it right there. IN WRITING! I even like skyping better because you can see the persons face. Any awkward silences are filled with facial expressions. And it feels more personal… like its an in person convo… which I can hold for dayssssss.

However, I know I am not the only one. Social networks and technology have made the process of building relationships completely different. The game has changed people. I used to love writing my friends notes, I remembered everyone’s phone numbers by heart. We used to actually have to meet up to spend time together. Guys took you to the movies. Courting wasn’t done virally. There was interaction, connections.There was life.

Don’t get me wrong. I love me some technology. It gives people platforms and resources that were never available before. My blogging is my release. Before this blog I used to color my hair, go for a looooong walk or run at all times of the night, or get a tat/piercing if I was upset and didn’t know how to express my thoughts. Id it wasn’t for this blog Id be bald, kidnapped, or look like a chubby light skin little Wayne. I’ve made connections on twitter that I would have never made without. Like genuine real connections that I absolutely cherish. It’s when people use wifi for deceit. If it was legal to marry an object, Id be a polygamist with my iPhone and MacBook.

People aren’t themselves on these networks. And that saddens me. Why use technology for evil? I am awkward, loud, doofy, rude, vulgar, a nerd, corny, and I snort. I don’t hide that. You know why...? Cause the people who can appreciate that, I want around. I love when someone texts me a joke and I can actually hear their voice saying it or envision their faces. These people who create this fake persona of living a lavish life when they owe 17 people money, I do not respect. The people who play themselves off as a sex symbol when they SMS inbox less active then a nun’s moot… I don’t respect. Those always talking about don't press them unless you sucking them off but their dick dryer than stale bread... I dont respect. Those people who steal other peoples style because they don’t want to take the time to learn about themselves and what they like and feel comfortable with… for themselves. I. Do. Not. Respect.

So here you are, thinking your making real connections with these fake people… but eventually what’s done in the dark… comes to light. Now you are using these same social media avenues that brought yall together to tear each other down. Sending subs, posting nak_d pics of your ex, talking about your relationship (platonic or romantic) with some follower you’ve never met versus talking with the person you have an issue with.

Yall make it dirty. Make people become anti-social on social networks. It’s crazy. And at the end of the day, the sites don’t create the problem. It’s the people behind the user name that create the problem. However, because there is no normal interactions… gut feelings can’t be relied on… instead you sending texts to mutual followers like “how you know @____? They cool?”.

Am I telling yall to stop indulging in social sites…? Hell no cause I’m not… Shiiiit…I’m about to tweet right now! I’m just saying be careful, be cautious, but more importantly… be yourself.

Safe social networking people… It’s a Cold WorldNo Snuggie

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Monogamy and Infidelity Pt. 2 - Which is Natural?

Part Two to the Brunch on Monogamy and Infidelity... Convo was great and so was the food. Feel free to levee feed back and comments!

Poem for Matthew

I went with my homegirls to see the Strivers Row. I was blown away. Literally. I had been a fan of Joshua Bennet, especial after his love poem... but now words can't express the level of respect I have for this man. His 13 yr old brother is autistic, and this Poem for Levi has said everything I could never vocalize. I am forever indebted to this man. Not everyone knows but my youngest brother Matthew has Autism, and this touched the core of my soul. Emotions I didn't even know I had about the subject rose out my eyes in the form of tears. I bawled like a child through the entire video. (you can actually hear my crying and my friends have to take the camera cause I'm sobbing)...

So, please enjoy. "A Poem for Levi..' and Matthew

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Im an idiot...



I was talking with my young jawn @_DaveyBaby... (sn- read her blog here)... and we realized that we have problem.. a legit problem...

We never want the ones that want us. The ones that make it easy can easily get dismissed. We want the ones that are rude and act like they don't or really don't want us. I love a challenge... Lord knows I do. so when the guy who tells me I'm cute really rude... then acts like he said something real regular like the sky is blue...

Yea... I wants him.

Dont get me wrong. I actually have some really good men lined up and I can't commit to them. Not that i don't want to... read that again... CANT.

I am not bitter, I am honest with myself... I just don't have time for the back and forth... the fakeness to get into my Vickies and learn about my secrets... then the drifting apart because we realize I got too much going on and he wants more than I have to offer. I think the issue i have is when they come correct... well they coming correct. Shit scarier than Utica ave in BK during labor day weekend...

I don't know about Davey, but I think they Im convinced love don't love me. Ive been in love before... If i do that shit again I need him to show me its real. Drizzy. Once I start feeling like I might be into a guy... i start curving him like the FDR highway. But once he starts ignoring me... GAWD ... emoji face with the hearts in the eyes...

I know I have a problem. I am ok with that. I am being honest with myself. But... can you blame me? I broke up with my ex fiancé... and well.. we all know how that went. Last guy I seriously talked to... well... we know how that went... I really am not ready for it right now. Its not that Im still in love my ex or still hung up on old flings. I just an genuinely uninterested in something serious and putting energy into something I am not up for. Its kind of like going to the club for a friends birthday when your not in the mood. You there dressed up but everyone can see in your face that you not there fun. It brings everyone down... You should of just stayed home.

Do i get lonely sometimes and miss having a man around...? Lord Knows *Rick Ross voice* But Id rather not lie to myself and lead a good guy on then have a few dates and then have bad blood that I wasted both of our time. I wish I had the mentality to sleep with them and move on... but my heart and moot don't cooperate... but thats another post.

I showed my Grandma a pic of one of my ex jawns... and she called me an idiot yesterday... I looked at her like O_O. Yea he looks good no seriously... like I swerved the car a bit when I saw it and almost had to change my draws but why force something thats not there? Ive been told a few times that I am an idiot because of the men that have made it clear that they want me and to make me happy and I run form them like Usain Bolt. I don't think there is anything wrong with not dating. Especially if you just don't want to. This isn't about #WhoHurtYou... its about who I don't want to hurt. Thats why the rude guys are so appealing. I don't feel like when I get tired of them they won't feel a way. They don't invest much so much won't be lost... like time, friendships, money... (only maybe my panties... LOL..j/k... or am I)...

*sigh* I am sure I am gonna be single forever...

Friday, January 27, 2012

Full Circle

Its crazy all the emotions forgot in a year...



Well technically a year and a day. 1/26/2011... The day I made the hardest decision of my life. They day I decided that my fear was my cripple instead of my crutch. The day sick and tired became an understatement.

The day I left David.

I didn't know what I was doing. He was my life. I didn't know how I was supposed to live without him... but i knew living with him wasn't life. I died a little daily and called it "maturity".

SN- The video used to be of out song... I couldn't listen to it until up to a few weeks ago.

I got calls and texts yesterday from a few people who remembered and it meant a lot to me... just cause they cared. But honestly, I didnt need it. i was good. I was gonna celebrate but then it wasn't even that serious. It was another day. I became such a better person for that one decision.

im not gonna lie, I was a dumb ass a few times...I had to learn for myself experentia docet remember...But I did the thing I thought I couldn't... Survive alone. I enjoyed a life I never had but always wanted. Ive realized I don't need to settle, someone else wil come... and if they don't, i am legit ok with being by myself for the rest of my life. All I need in this life if sin would be a dog, netflix, and cable and xnxx.com or pornhub...dont judge.

So I read my PSA about the break up here and I don't think I would change anything... except the end.

David... If you still read this blog... I lovED you with all my heart. You took that for granted. I don't regret anything but if I had a time machine, I'd use my 8yrs differently. Not gonna lie

Id thought this post would be deeper... but honestly... its not that deep *shrug*

Ahem...

*dusts off Macbook and throws on Trey Songz pandora*

Yeeeeeeeeeerp! Im back people. Missed me? Dont all answer at once...lol

Im about to get deep on y'all... but before i do.... please watch this...



Dont say I never gave y'all nothing. lol

Friday, January 13, 2012

I might get this tatted...

You know I love a good saying, especially in other languages... this one tells my life

experientia docet stultos: Experience teaches even fools

I might do the nicer version and get "Experientia docet - Experience is the best teacher"

Either way... that saying telling all my business. lol

No Letting Go...

I hate him. He is a bum. I don’t even talk to him anymore. Why is he texting me? Ugh, I think I miss him…

No, that is not a piece from the Shit Black Girls say YouTube videos. That’s real life. I’m going to say something to fuck your day up ladies, we all have one guy that has a hold on us. Some of you are reading this like “but why Sio doing this right now?” Sorry, but it has to be addressed. Acceptance is the first step to recovery I hope.

You know he isn’t good for you. He doesn’t call you like the other one(s), he doesn’t know remember things like them, he is rude, he is disrespectful, he is not who you want to be with. Long story short, he is poison. But you don’t even care if he is cause then you’d get to die in his arms. You can’t even explain. You have no reason as to why he calls and you go running like black people who heard the words “Free Henny”. The last time you spoke, you swore it would be the last time y’all spoke. But then his name (probably something crazy in your phone like “Hemorrhoid”, or “This Nigga Right Here”) pops up on the caller id, and you look at the phone resisting the urge to hit ignore but end up pressing the green button all. the. time. And it’s not even just the sex (sometimes it has nothing to do with the sex)… You honestly have no clue what it is… there is no reason that anyone can figure out. It may not even be love… but Lord knows its something…

and as quiet as its kept... the sex with a man who has a hold on you... OH

Now to you who say, “I don’t have that one; no one got a hold on me”, I hear you girl. Round of Applause to you. No Drake. Oh, but you not safe chile. He is coming. If he ain’t here already. You may not even know it honey. During the summer, someone said “All girls have that one nigga”… and I too was like you… I rolled my neck and said “Not me”… he said “No One?”... and I said “NO ONE” looking dead in his eyes with the determination of an angry pitbull. Unbeknownst to my dumb ass that the one who had a hold on me was standing right next to him. You can’t prevent it ladies… it like a brake failure car accident. You know its coming, but since you can’t stop it… you just have to brace yourself.

That hold is no joke. Depending on the level of it, you can legit feel a tug at your heart sometimes. Songs like “Bad Romance” and Chingy’s “Pulling Me back” let me know I ain’t cray. It lets me know its real. It’s a war… cause he know what he doing. They have the same issue, just not always with the same girl. When the hold is between the same people, Jesucristo… its like war. Youre always going back and forth. Wanting to get the one up cause you don’t want to feel like this alone. You want them to feel like they have no control and maybe like you have a just a bit of yours back… mamita its an illusion. Y’all both have lost control. Love in a hopeless place is y’all song… that video is you. Remember when Rihanna walked out that car… she felt all big and bad. Yea aight, that hoe got right back in though… You ain’t going no where… and you both know that.

Oh, but what about the dirty nigga who has a hold on you, but your hold on him about as tight as the elastic on an old pair of period panties. Yikes. Those are the worst kind. Cause most men love getting their ego stroked… and nothing is more of an ego booster than knowing they got someone they don’t give a fifth of a fuck about wrapped around their finger tighter that an regular condom on an African man (ps. Y’all have no idea how hard I giggled writing that). Ladies, beware of him. He will take advantage. No, HE. WILL. TAKE. ADVANTAGE. The best way I know how to save yourself this is never let them know they have that hold, even if you know you have a hold on them. Kind of like if no one mentions it, it doesn’t exist. I know lowkey I just said who has a hold on me earlier in this jawn, but I know he don’t read my blog so I’m safe. And if he did… I’d delete this whole post… word up.

Like I said, you cant prevent it. I just want you to be aware ladies. We got to stop lying to ourselves. Accept it so you can move on…. Or just come to terms that he will always have a special place in your heart…

Happy New Year!

I know its 13 days late (Yall know this is a judgement free zone), but here I am, surviving my 26th year. Had an amazing New Year and an SPECTACULAR birthday (we will talk about that in future posts), but I took a hiatus to basically enjoy the fact that I made it... mentally emotioanlly, and honestly even physically (rememebr i got shot at in BK. lol)

Again I want to thank everyone who supports me, whether it be through this blog or in my life. Thank you for sticking with me through my journey, even when I tried to abandon ship my damn self.

I dont have resolutions but again, that future post... and I got some things up my sleeve. For now... Happy new year, heres to another year of living!