Monday, August 20, 2012

Just a reminder

Stop worrying about everybody else.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Made My Night

So this was on my my oldest (as in oldest in length that we been friends… not her age … had to clarify or she'd kill me) friend tumblr check it out. It gets me through some days…

My side started hurting at around 1:29


Baby Steps

Mediocre- of only ordinary or moderate quality; neither good nor bad; barely adequate. . Synonyms: undistinguished, commonplace, pedestrian, everyday; run-of-the-mill

I distinctively remembering seeing this word for the first time, and hating it. Like, legit hating it. I screwed my face up at it. Who would want to be this? The word itself just sounds yucky, and the definition makes it no better. I had to be like 8 or 9

At 27, my disgust for the word and everything it stands for has only increased. Mediocrity is the thing I probably can’t stand the most in the world. …

Actually, I take that back… People content with being mediocre is what I can’t stand most in this world. Kind of like the Guns don’t kill people, People kill people philosophy. I have tried for years to understand how people can sit back and be content where they are to the point where this is the end all be all. Who want nothing more for themselves but what they have. Who don’t push themselves to see how good they can get. Who are fine being average…

I know people who have gifts carved from the hands of Our Savior himself… and they treat then like moldy bread. It hurts my heart. It also makes me realize these people aren’t the ones that are supposed to be in my life. I dont think there is anything that special about me, but i make myself special. I make my self unique. I make my worth.

I’m not saying everyone around me needs to be CEO’s or celebrities… I could actually never say that because we wouldn’t be friends… I’m a bum. They’d drop me like a bad habit. But everyone around me has dreams, goals, drive… I love them for their ambition *wale voice*. How can support someone who has nothing to support? How can I expect support back if they don’t understand the need for it? Support is probably one of the biggest things to me in all my relationships. Platonic, Romantic… any other –ic kinds. That and effort.

Not everything goes as planned. We have all learned that the hard way. But, never losing site of a goal, always pushing forward, and realizing that there is more to life than being ordinary… That’s what I appreciate.

I say on here all the time…”Baby steps”. I say this cause even baby steps move you forward. That’s all that matters.

So even when you feel like your broke and you have nothing to show for you 20+ years on this earth, don’t use mediocrity as a supplement for the hope your losing. That’s just giving up the battle without a fight.

“Only the mediocre are always at their best.”

And to the people i allow in my life, know your anything but mediocre.


I watched love first hand in front of me on July26th. On a beach with the sun as a back drop, that I like to think was God spot lighting what true happiness was. I saw my best friend, my sister, my rider, my heart, my inspiration… I saw her marry a man who saw exactly what her friends saw in her, and treated her the way she deserved to be treated. He saw her worth.

My post from a few weeks ago entitled Soap Box, was only solidified by this union. I re-evaluated my life. I listened to the disclaimers the men who I have in my life attached to the “I care about you…”… Like… “I care about you… but we just met at the wrong time” or “I care about you… but you just got way too much going on for me” or “I care about you… but I just don’t want to get married so why even get into a relationship”.

I then proceeded to hit them with…

I understand. Timing. Availability. Commitment issues… blah blah blah! Dream had one of my favorite lines in one of his songs…. And if I was a full fledged bird instead of a half of one, id get it tatted across my stomach…

Stop Fucking with me if you Not Fucking With Me…

Take your issues and bounce. Before I understood these issues and took them in stride because I genuinely cared about these people and didn’t want to lose them in my life. One of the best lessons I learned this year was that just because you understand, does not mean you have to accept.

An open mind does not have to equal an open heart.

Everyone’s circumstance is different. Including mine. I don’t have to accommodate it for everyone who comes around that I like. Just like they don’t (or wont) accommodate for me.

I think the main issue is I don’t like many, so when I feel that connection to someone, looking past their physical, I don’t want to lose it. I try to compromise…. But then I have to remember…

Compromise- an agreement reached by adjustment of conflicting or opposing claims, principles, etc., by reciprocal modification of demands.

There goes that word again yall… RECIPROCITY. If they not even making the effort to try and meet me part of the way… I need to bust that u-turn.

The next main issue is, I create Frankenstein with the men in my life. I highlight the best parts of each one in my head and ignore the bad parts, and get what I want/need from each one… creating this perfect “man blend” in my head. How many times have yall said ...”If I could just combine ______ and ______, they’d be perfect!”? How many times? If I had a dollar forever time I said that, id be blogging from my own private island off the coast of Abu Dhabi. It worked for a time period… until I realized, this would work because the only parts of themselves they was trying to give was all the same… My perfect Frankenstein was being forced to become Penistein… and I can NOT walk down the street with that… imaginary or not.

So see the moral of the story is a woman needs love (if yall to young to know where that reference came from, I don’t even know how you relate to these posts lol), that just because we want to settle down doesn’t mean we have to settle. Love isn’t something that we can force or mold to fit us. Frankenstein doesn’t exist, and if he does I’m still not trying to date/marry him. I want the best for yall… Ditch the disclaimers...

Cause in the end...
Its all worth it.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Team work makes the dream work

Random congo with my sister on work communicator from December that I kept cause it really meant a lot ... (Names have been changed and omitted to protect their privacy and not get my ass in trouble)

11:28 AMSio
is it really
I am not really a prize right now

11:29 AMMouckey
in my eyes it is.  i really am coming to realize that even tho you cant necessarily see yourself as you are, those closest to you can.
in all honesty, you are gorgeous, inside and out. You have sooo much going for you and are constantly reaching for more. You're extremely driven and motivated and most time seeing you makes me want more and reach for more.

11:32 AMSio
now you got my crying at my desk...

11:32 AMMouckey
here you go.....
you dont need anyone that is willing to settle for anything in life and that is what I got from (insert old jawn name)
You want more than that for yourself and I know you deserve it.

11:33 AMSio
im not worried about (insert old jawn name here)
I'm  over him now
but in general i need work
but thank you
its nice to know when i dont have faith in myself y'all do

11:34 AMMouckey
all the time

It takes a village to raise a child… even when that child is 27.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012


On July 9th, one of my oldest and dearest friend's brother passed away. I looked on her blog and it said

"Rest in Peace to one of my biggest inspirations. Your crazy self will never be forgotten."

I have no choice but to recognize the biggest inspiration to one of my biggest inspirations. 

I seen some stuff in my life y'all. Like seen some shit. It doesn't seem like it from my disposition and lack of talking about it, but a smile gets less questions than a frown. However, nothing has chilled me to the core as when my sister told me her brother had passed away. Watching the strength of a family that didn't share my DNA but has been etched in my heart since 1990, brought uncontrollable goosebumps on a summer night.

Though I haven't seen him in a while, when they played his song at the funeral, i immediately recognized the raspy voice. What was unfamiliar was the talent that came from the speakers. Ugonna was a singer, songwriter, photographer. He was a MAN with amazing talent. Our circle of friends are still in disbelief that he is gone...

However, he isn't. He is immortal. Through his music and work. He recorded a song hours before he passed. They titled it Ugonna's song. I have listen it to it about 12 times, each time crying because I hurt for my friend and her family, and that the world lost such a beautiful soul in a sea of ugly. He has inspired me to make a mark in this world, so that when I go, i make sure i leave an impression to ensure Im never really gone. 

So yea, he still here… and clearly still inspiring. 

Please visit the site, and help Ugonna stay immortal.