Monday, February 28, 2011


Yea... this is pretty much what I want right now... Too much to ask for?

Caution... This is X-Rated

I want to have sex...

TMI? Close your browser then...

OK... back to what I was saying. I want to have sex... I'm human no?

I want that sex that has no limits cause he knows what you like already but he does it like he's never explored your body. I want him to me like he missed me. I want him to know that I love getting my neck and back kissed, and that I love the feeling of skin to skin. I want him to kiss my breast like they were his life source. That I don't mind him pulling my hair cause the rough sh.t turns me on. I liked to be ordered, unless I'm on top... then I run sh.t... I want the feeling of it being the first time without the awkwardness... every time. I want it in the kitchen, in the bathroom, on the floor. I want my hair gel nearby cause I don't expect my wrap to last. I want him to know I'm loud but know how to quiet me down. I want him to make my eyes roll, my toes curl and my body shake...

I Want Him...

Now, if I only had a

Back Like I Never Left...

Im Back...

But Not Really...

My vacation was amazing and definitely needed. I got to be free from a week of stress and nonsense, and just enjoy myself. Now that I am back in NY, my whole outlook is different. I stepped off the plane to walk into bullsh*t. I took the day yesterday to regroup and organize. I put on my slow song playlist... and I cried. It's too be expected... its me. But I needed this. I needed to purge. I threw away David's things (RIP to the name Stinkface. We are at a point where we aren't even cordial, and that name was created with love. I still love him, but I do not like him). I mourned a relationship that has no hope of resurrection. Cards, pictures, teddy bears. I let them fall into a trash bag as I let the tears that held my pain fall down my face. I ended the relationship, but he ended the friendship, and that's what hurt more. I threw away clothes that I just didn't throw away because I felt there was no need to. I let go. I realize now, holding on to things that have no real purpose in my life is holding me back. I did a complete detox. I feel different. May sound crazy but its true.

Sh*t I even threw away my birth control pills... So you know I mean business.

I am not the same person who stepped on that plane on the 21st. My mind is different... my soul is lighter... my body relieved.

So I'm Back, but I'm not. I have a different outlook on the days, and a different meaning for the nights. Each second is like a first kiss, and I planning on frenching that mother f*cker...

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Zodiac Logic

Valentines Dinner for me was definitely an eye opener...

Went to dinner with two of my closest friends (sisters is more suitable), and we had a great time. I had a lychee martini (all the way banging) and we talked the whole dinner (well mid bites). As much as I love my boo's the Scorpio and the Leo... sometime its takes a Virgo and a Gemini to break it down for a Capricorn

I been getting increasingly nervous about this single thing. I told y'all I don't know the rules. Not the fact of being single, but the fact that I dead ass have no idea what to expect. I'm a a planner, I do not like surprises, and I am a worry wort. Its a cocktail for a heart attack and/or ulcer, but its me. Scorpio and Leo been trying to tell me to have a seat, but sometimes I need more then a "b*tch please, you'll be fine"

Hence why last night was such a relief. My Virgo understand I am technical and broke it down for me in a technical, logical terms, while Gemini game me the emotional aspect (like I need to be more emotional). My nerves are calmed, my head is clear. I am definitely not trying to have a boyfriend now. No serious relationships for now. I kind of still have to mourn for the passing of my last one. I love Stinkface to the point I would of took a bullet for him. Its hard to grasp that I failed. We failed. Buts its reality and I have to move forward...

Ill drink to that.

Random Words

Just cause he's cute, doesn't mean he can get the moot.

Lmao... Good Morning

Monday, February 14, 2011

Regardless Tho...

...there are some things on Valentines Day that are always appreciated

What's Love got to do with it???

Have people always been this bitter on Valentines day???

This is a serious question. Maybe I have been so wrapped up in love and sh*t the past 10yrs I didn't notice all the angry sh*t people are saying and doing. This is my first Vday in 10years I am single and I don't feel no type of way. I am celebrating with my homegirl Elon and we getting lobster quesadillas. I have people that I care about and love in my life and I am grateful for that. This day isn't about love for one person, even though it is nice, its about expressing love to everyone you have that emotion too. I always try and get something for my family and friends. I am in love with love tho. I told y'all I am a hopeless romantic. I am getting the word "Love" tatted on me somewhere. But these joints out here angryyyyy. Maybe I am the exception (which I love to think).

Ok- cue twitter. Females and Males is going in alike. Joints out here using Twitter like therapy. Calm down mamita, you will find love one day... but not through twitter cause now all the n*ggas who follow you think you psycho. And guys acting like they wasn't cuffing some broad all of 365 days ago, singing love songs and buying Roche candy... now n*ggas wont pay the 27 cents for the extra sweet and sour sauce for a joint nuggets cause its the 14th. Lowkey, you mad too...

I'm not bitter but maybe because Valentines was never just about the date for me. I always told everyone I cared about happy valentines day and tried to show it. It would of been nice to have some red roses on my desk, yes... but waking up to my brother hand me a hand made card and say in his cracking puberty voice "Here she she, you my valentine... bring me a cupcake home" or my best friend Diandra buying me a Crumbs cupcake made my day. Things like that mean a lot to me... Even a random ass text saying "Happy Val day miss" made me smile.

So all you bitter mother f*ckers out there cut the sh*t. Appreciate the fact that you are loved or cared about and show someone even someone you not f*cking you care too. Some people have not even experienced love... of any kind... ever.

Happy Valentines Day...

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Its been a while

Don't judge. I spared y'all for a while.

I love this joint

I miss home...


Soon come...

Last night got real...

"Don't plan for a lifetime of happiness if you're sad today."

Twitter Philosophy

I don't know whose life I'm living but I was up til 3am on a weeknight. I guess I am about this life in 2011. But I digress..

After a deep convo on Skype with @T_lloyd and @TiffThomp, I vowed to go to sleep. Of course I went on to Twitter and got caught up in the convos Im brand new, let me rock... Someone tweeted

"Mind games are old, fronting only leads to wasted time. If you know what you want just say it. You might not even see tomorrow B."

Didn't I say that like 2 days ago? Yea, I did. I felt like you needed a reminder

Someone replied, "He right, but I ain't making the first move. I am not trying to be the 'He trying to bag' in the face ass n*gga"

I just said that too, no?

I got to much pride. But females and males be so pressed not to seem pressed, we might just push away the love of our life...

I admit I may be one of those joints when the time comes. Until someone tell me where we stand, I'm gonna play my position (see previous post). My hearts been broken once. That's enough for 7 lifetimes for me... Miss me with that sh*t again. Crying in public bathrooms, pretending you have allergies in case someone catches you tearing up, not listening to the radio in public cause you don't want a song to come on to set you off. Hating him but he the only one you want to speak to cause only he truly has the answers. Its all overrated. I love the idea of Love. I'm a romantic low key, but I don't do pain well unless its tats or piercings.

PSA- I am not bitter, nor do I want to be. If you notice me turning into a bitter, I hate men, love, anything that has the word male in it, why doesn't anyone like me, I'm never gonna get married or have kids type joints. Smack me... HARD

I still truly believe that love is possible, unconditional, supporting, butterflies in the stomach after 20 yrs, just the thought of his kisses and touch send shivers up your spine kind of love. The love that will make a grown woman call another grown women a pumpkin with so much anger that it sounds like the dirtiest insult ever (PS- I loved the movie No Strings Attached). I believe ill have it one day. If it happens soon, its God's will cause you cant go looking for things like that. You also cant avoid it. So I'm going to chill until the time is right...

I dead ass just had to look at the top of this post to see what my point was... sigh..

I guess in the long run I am a hypocrite. I agree, but I probably wont practice when it come to relationships. But f*ck it. I do what I want this year...

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

My PlayList-Speechless

Probably one of Alicia Keys simplest songs... yet the sh*t speaks to me...

When I wake up in the morning baby
Can't believe my eyes
It is this a part of destiny, you're now in my life (now in my life)
There is no better prize
Can't compare to you
Ain't no words to describe the way that I'm feeling, yeah
When I look at you

I'm just speechless baby, don't know what to say
I'm just speechless baby, the poet in me has gone away
I'm just speechless baby, don't know what to say
I just speechless baby, the poet in me has gone away, yeah, yeah

True love finally found you baby
Life becomes a way
Prettiest things imagine up, oh yea
Listen I don't wanna say
It only happens once to me when I call
Feel it deep in your soul
And like a fairy tale your story begins
What a saint to the ...

I'm just speechless baby, don't know what to say

I'm just speechless baby, the poet in me has gone away
I'm just speechless baby, don't know what to say
I just speechless baby, the poet in me has gone away, yeah, yeah

Hey yeah, in the mornings when I rise up
Go to the window and I smile with my eyes up
Staring at clouds like wow look at my love
Every day I'm feeling better cause I know I got the best I can be proud of
We came for quit, remember when I used to tell my girls like yo this dude thinks he's all eh, think he's so fly
And hates how you try to talk to me I'm like you're don't even there try
I was on my solo groove, I ain't want nothing, I ain't need nothing
Man I'm good, now I'm speechless, cause I fell for it, the poet in me died cause I fell for it

I'm just speechless baby, don't know what to say
I'm just speechless baby, the poet in me has gone away
I'm just speechless baby, don't know what to say
I just speechless baby, the poet in me has gone away, yeah, yeah

I used to know all the words to say, I used to write all the poetry
But now you take my breath away, hahaha, hey.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011


Random... but if a guy tries to spit game to me while I am in sweats and a head tie and just looking like I didn't even attempt to put effort it, I will not talk to him.

I will assume he has no standards.... and I cant deal with that

Play Your Position

I almost didn't write this post because I swore I wrote it already. I am a strong believer in playing your position. You know what your role is, don't go switching sh*t up. If you the side hoe, stay to the mother f*cking side. Don't go trying to go to the front however, in the case of the side joint, you can always fall the f*ck BACK.

People, especially females (sorry ladies), always trying to change they role. Always trying to come up. That's great for jobs and careers and sh*t, but when it comes to things that involve other people, that sh*t isn't cute.

So back to what I was saying, I am a strong believer of playing my part. I also am a strong believer that you got to know your part too. I am revisiting this cause as being newly single (I haven't been single since I was 16), I don't know how this dating sh*t work. I am not good with the games, or the subliminals, or the figuring feelings out. I want that sh*t straight and harsh, like a shot of 151. I am a big girl, I can take it. Let me decide if I want to put myself in the situation, and if I do I will play my role like I am in the running for an Oscar.

So I know you not a Pimp, but Pimp remember what I taught you....

Some people just want to be friends, so people want to be friends with benefits, some people want more but do not know how to express it. Do not go over analyzing shit. Want to know where you stand, ask. If you like the answer... then proceed. If you don't... move else where. Don't just stay where you at and when shit don't change get mad and catch feelings. You the one acting brand new, not them.

Shits real in the streets. I think I am down for the floozing now. As Toya said, "My p*ssy, you can have that... Just dont f*ck with my heart"

Keep ya heart 3 stacks...

My PlayList

Play Your Part- Rick Ross (Ashes to Ashes mixtape)

Wale's verse is the best... Live and Learn

I try to love ‘em in the physical not literal
she said she love me but what I’m feeling is minuscule
I understand that Prada lives in her inner soul
so the devil that droves in her got in control
Anne Hathaway, and sack chasin’ getting got cake up
though my paper way thicker than model make up
but ya’ll wait up my mind racing my toe slippin
a lot of women is real some b-tches Robin Givings
I never give ‘em no liquid no pot to piss in
I tend to leave them quite offended if they too dependent
I’m pitchin b-tches thats dreamin’ thinking Im trickin’ chicken
I’m simply f-ckin’ with b-tches that know they whole position
thats real n-gga sh-t
real n-gga life
I give my heart to one broad, the others get the pipe
I aint tryna fight, I aint tryna fuss
I trying for the money, they tryna fall in love.

On Reapeat

In the Morning- J. Cole ft Drake

"Can I hit it in the Morning? Sun Rising while your Moaning..."


Bigger Fish to Fry

Disclaimer- I am telling ya'll why I am mad and I will be cursing all up and through out this post

I am not a Mixxy Bitch (mixxy-someone who is always in drama; love to be involved in something). No one knew my business at TU, I was never talked about. Drama is always entertaining, but only when you not involved. I don't like to involve myself in fuckeries... just laugh at it.

So when I am here, minding my business, trying to enjoy life, and you come with your minuscule problems.. BITCH BOO BYE

Another Disclaimer- I hate Royce form Basketball Wives, as well as the above statement, however, it seemed disgustingly appropriate.

I love my friends, but some of my best friends are ones who are independent and over come problems. They don't fall victim to a bad day. They don't ruin friendships over bullshit. They don't lie when there is ABSOLUTELY no reason to lie. And they damn sure don't talk about me behind my back

The world doesn't revolve around one person. In the last month, I have lost an 8 yr relationship, had 3 IMMEDIATE family members in the hospital at the same time, one of which almost died from the same thing that killed my father. I have been broke and broken. Struggled with see my aunt who is a VP at a Fortune 500 company seem like a child where I had to wash her hair and she giggled and coo'ed like a baby. I don't not have time for people and their bullshit. Dead ass, I am over people right now. I am being selfish... and that includes doing what i want, how i want, and even to who I want...

Disclaimer #3- I am not going to hoe out... but if you see me slipping... stop me. lmao

So with that said, I have bigger Fish to Fry. I don't business with people feelings right now. And if anyone I know has an issue with this, you know my number. Please do not hesitate to let me know...

PS. Shots Fired...

I am Sorry

Over the last few weeks amongst people's shock, I have heard this phrase probably at least 20 times

"You guys broke up? You were my hope that black love can work out!"

That's a lot of pressure. And just cause we didn't doesn't mean that it can't. People settle and stay with people because they want to PROVE it can work, and in the end it's and epic fail. I have seen black love prevail. I look at my friend Aamira and her husband Van and their beautiful daughter Heaven, and I know that true love. They work together and support each other, and are happy (from what I can see). Its not just about love... its about support in every aspect. I wish them all the Blessings in the world.

My reply for the people who have told me these statements in the past 2 weeks

"If you wanted hope, you should of looked at the Obamas, not me"


Me And Stinkface broke up.

They saying writing makes it real. Its been real for me for 2 weeks. Its taken me days to write this post just because I didn't even know how to start, proceed, or finish. I love him more than anything but we have had issues on and off years. I don't owe you an explanation, but since you read this why not?

Long story short, I became fed up to the point where I was numb. I have no emotions. I think people are waiting for me to have a break down or something, but I don't see it coming. I am unhappy we put so much time an effort into this relationship and the only thing we ended up with was cold blood (me) and a broken heart (him)

I say cold blood because he called me cold-blooded. It hit me kind of hard, but I realized that in my emotionless state, maybe he was right. I am a crier, I am emotional, I am a worrier. I have been none of these things in this break up. I don't know if its denial, or if I am so fed up the warmth has be drained from me. Whatever the case may be, this is the end result.

So this is my PSA. We are broken up. No wedding, no relationship, and as of right now, no regret.

Like I said before I love that man with everything I possessed. I also said love wasn't enough. I needed compromise, reliability, effort, appreciation, and those things were lacking. We both compromised on a lot but these things I need to live, and unfortunately, he didn't understand.

Now he is supposed to be moving to FL and we both are starting new lives. I hope he finds happiness because I really intend to on my end. Maybe one day we will find ourselves back in each others life, but that's God's will.

Stinkface, if you are reading this by chance, you know I love you, and probably forever will. As someone said, I just wish we could of made each other happy, simultaneously