All the little accents that make me a King...

Those of you who have known me for some time, know that over a year ago I deleted my old Twitter/IG which had years of profanity and ratchetness and created KingSio_. I literally got messages immediately asking who I thought I was calling myself King. My females friends said it was birdish and made me sound like I wanted to be Beyonce. My male friends said I'd never get a man now since I'd intimidate them with that name. Even saw my old joint drop a sub on Twitter saying something along the lines of "you women wanna be men so bad". I laughed at them all. 

I'm not gonna lie, Mrs. Carter was a minor inspiration. Not without meaning tho. She called herself that at the very beginning of her feminist movement. Taking a stand saying woman can do what men can do. Doesn't mean we will or want to. It's saying we want the opportunity.

"All we ever wanted was an opportunity... Lord knows!" - motivational speaker, Rick Ross

When I created King Sio I was inspired. I had just left a HerAgenda event on entrepreneurship and all I wanted to do was build my empire. Even if I had no idea what my empire was. It might have been my hair business, my event planning business, my family, my finances. I had no clue. What I did know was that it was mine. Me. Alone. I was am single and ruled my own thoughts decisions and actions

King- a person or thing preeminent in its class

This was my first step toward putting myself first and stop living for other people. And KingSio_ was my subtle daily reminder that I'm the most preeminent thing in my life. 

Now to address this man thing. It really no one business but my own and they person I'm dating but I'm actually very submissive in relationships (and I don't see that as negative). I take on what people deem as "womanly" roles easily. Cooking, cleaning, and supporting. Especially if the man is very protective and has a natural provider instinct.  And in all actuality, if my social media name is the sole/main deterrent from someone starting a relationship with me, then I'm not sure I want them. 

So does having my social media name containing King mean I'm not a Queen? No. I never thought that. A queen is ALWAYS defined as a woman or female. I'm undeniably that... Except maybe on days my fro is a little low and my I have no makeup on and a big hoodie.  But a King has a few definitions where it doesnt have to me a man. Does it mean I think a King is better? No. I never thought that. Does it mean until someone is worthy to wear the crown of king , I will me the most preeminent person on my class, life, and empire? Yes. I've always thought that. 

Plus, King just flows better than Queen with Sio. *shrugs*

Sometimes, the King is a QUEEN.- Sio 

Was It My Personality or my P*ssy

For years I have joked with my friend that I am going to send a survey monkey link to my old joints to pinpoint exactly where I went wrong. I am all about feedback and believe it's necessary for people to grow. I've never had the "what was wrong with me convo" with anyone I took serious because I always left them. But I was still the one hurt because they seemed to not take me seriously back when things were active. So now as I reflect… I realize… I have nothing to reflect on. So the main question that arises...

 Was it my personality or my pussy?

 One of the two has to be the reason. But which one? And don't look at this post all crazy. You wonder what about you is so horrible he doesn't want to stay. You ask your homegirls, who of course have nothing for you because they are in "he ain't shit … your two steps under Jesus amazing" mode, trying to boost your esteem and your ego up. They are your friends and at this point you can do no wrong. But you can't help letting your mind wander  in the dead of the night, when you're listening to that playlist that has all your bitter songs like Melanie Fiona "It Kills Me", Neyo "Let Go" and Deborah Cox "We Can't be Friends" (Mine is Called Waiting to Exhale... Don't act like you don't have one), you question your personality. You question if you’re boring. You question if you’re not smart enough. You question were you not caring enough. Your whole existence is put into question! I don’t know a woman who has ever felt any hurt has not uttered the question… “What is wrong with me?”

 

Now, some of you may say no. I know I am a good person. I have lots of friends and acquaintances, and I know I am a big ass ball of positivity. Fuck him, cause it was NOT my personality. That brings us to the second part of the question… Was it my pussy?  Every female, no matter how bad, how flexible, how yanking, has doubted her kootie kat. Missy Elliott ain't make " Pussycat" for you to be fake. We are all family here. I have had men say they “can't control” themselves around me, or that I have the elusive "badu box" (they’ll say anything so I take that with a grain of salt). I can recall every time a man underestimated my skills and the shocked look on his face. Again, don't be fake like you don't smile (or screenshot) every time you get a text that says "I didn't expect that". However, when you are sitting there completely single, remembering the good times when you were quasi-single (shout out to twitter for the new term), and wondering what about you wasn't enough to make him stay, your undercarriage is always put into question. You say, "He ain't shit, he trifling, he immature, he blah blah blah..." But deep (or not so deep) in the back of your mind, you start to wonder if your love triangle is to blame. When you see someone with their “amazing” relationship (that’s in quotes cause you know on IG everyone has a perfection filter on *cues Drake ‘Cameras’…*) and you are wondering (with the lowest of keys), how she got that man? Does she have the Cirque du Soleil vagina? Is Harry Potter trying to figure out her magic? You think fairy dust is spewing out of her love cave.  Maybe she is missing a gag reflex… you assume her pussy is on a pedestal that yours doesn’t have the strength to even attempt to climb. There are reasons why video vixens like Melyssa Ford and Erica Mena can have sex books on the national best sellers list. People (mainly woman) want to know if there is some integral sex thing they are missing and everyone knows but them and are too afraid to ask.  You lose faith in pleasure tunnel.

Lady, artist behind "Yankin" song... She got a man doe....

 

Now, this is a very rare occasion on here. I actually have the answer to this problem. Yes girl! I’m shocked too.  Ready for it? Ok…

Don’t take anything personally.

The Second of “The Four Agreements”  by Don Miguel Ruiz that changed my life slowly but surely.

Do.

Not.

Take.

Anything.

Personally.

Quick explanation of the Second Agreement:

"Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.
Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds…Taking things personally makes you easy prey for these predators, the black magicians. They can hook you easily with one little opinion and feed you whatever poison they want, and because you take it personally, you eat it up…

But if you do not take it personally, you are immune in the middle of hell. Immunity in the middle of hell is the gift of this agreement"

Sounds so simple, yet so difficult… but necessary. We have no clue what really goes on in the minds of men. Shit, I’m not sure THEY know. You could be so nice that Mother Teresa would look like the Grinch next to you, or Jesus would rethink his celibacy because He knows what lies in your nether regions, but if the person you like/love isn’t ready… then you still going to be binge watching House of Cards in bed with a Seamless order for one. Nothing about YOU is going to make THEM ready.  That’s mental, not malicious. (Actually, some of it is malicious… those men are scum)

And, I am not saying you are perfect… don’t get excited mamita. I am saying stop worrying about what’s wrong with you based off of someone else. If you are going to change, do it because of how you feel about yourself. Live being the best you FOR you, and eventually, God willing, someone will be ready to live that reality with you. That’s probably not the “answer” you wanted but that’s what you’re getting.  You’re Welcome.

And a fun fact- I literally giggled the whole time trying to find different words to supplement pussy.  

Memoirs of a 28 year old

I looked into my grandma's eyes and she said to me "I need you to hit the lotto, because I'm tired. I can't work anymore" she said it with a smile and as a joke.... But that killed me inside. This is the woman who made sure I went to etiquette class so no one would prejudge me. Who, when my absent minded mother was off in lala land, made sure I was still set in life. When I thought I wasn't going to be able to finish college cause I had too many loans, she paid cash so I could get that degree.

I'm 28. Actually this is my last day as 28. A few hours from 29. My last year of my 20’s and I look at the life I'm living and it's not at ALL like the life I thought I'd have. I thought I'd be married with a kid(s), living in an apartment in Westchester about to buy a home, working as a Marketing manager by now. Instead, I'm single, living with a roommate, and doing event planning. Granted, I'm blessed. But when you look at the day to day, and you see those Sallie Mae bills that make you contemplate the different ways you can chef up Ramen Noodles (I like adobo and Siracha), you think everyone living better than you and you just wonder where you went wrong.

You didn't. Everyone is trying to grind out, everyone is trying to be better. Some people were blessed with talents, or recognition of their passion at early ages. I don't think anyone except for Oprah or Beyonce is where they want to be in life and even those heffas still pushing.  

We look at age and we expect more. We give each ourselves these false timelines based off of where others are (who are honestly aren’t just as good as them seem) and we depress ourselves. We discourage ourselves. We go from being our own biggest fan, to our worst critic. Our mindset  becomes our biggest obstacle. 

I cried that night grandma said that to me. I cried rewriting these words. But, I didn’t let it hinder me. I use it as a positive driving force daily. When I wonder why I wake up and do what I do, I remember her face. Im not a creative, i don’t have a talent thats my “passion”. My passion is the people I love. Making them proud, and being there for them in any way possible. So if thats working my ass of at a 9-5 thats really a 9-9 so my grandma doesn’t have to worry about buying a dress for a church dance… ill do that with a smile. 

You are exactly where you are supposed to be on your journey. Dont let others show you how to live your life.  

Blurred Lines

I knew I fucked up when I watched him sleep and I smiled he was at peace next to me.

I knew I fucked up when in the middle of the night he put his arm around me, and I didn’t shy away. I actually nuzzled closer. I don’t cuddle. I hate it. I knew I fucked up.

But, to see the words, “I don’t want to lead you on” and feel my chest tighten, thats when I was SURE I fucked up.

"I don’t want to blurred lines”… I actually chuckled through tears at my text at the Robin Thicke reference. Wait…. tears. Why the fuck was I crying?

Not only was I crying, I was sobbing. In my grandmas bathroom. My waterproof eyeliner was no match for the stream of heavy tears mixed with salt and sadness. I looked in the mirror confused. I didn’t understand my own emotions. I didn’t understand why I was so hurt. I moved back and forth between rooms so my family wouldn’t get suspicious. I couldn’t fake like I saw something sad on TV. I was sobbing like there was a death. Shit, I felt like there was one.

I knew I fucked up.

I realized I loved this man one day randomly AFTER we stopped talking/dating/canoodling/whateva you young kids call it now. He was coming to brunch with me and some friends and he made me get out the car to hug him. When I got in his arms, it felt right. It felt like I was supposed to be there. It felt like love. Not the explosive Chris Brown/Rihanna love. I wasn’t IN love. It felt like the love that starts at your soul. The love that is the hardest to get rid of because it doest shock you. Its creeps up on you. Its builds within you slowly until its overcome you and you are just confused. 

I was confused. 

But here we were again, years later. A random rekindle went from a night, to a weekend, to days, to weeks, to months. Im buying groceries he likes cause I know he’ll be there within the next seven days. Im thinking about him in my decisions for the future because he’s been around on and off for 3 years, so I see no reason why he wouldn’t be there. No, he’s not my man, but I was cool with that.

“I was cool with no commitment. Wait, No, let me take that back. It was you, so I was with it”- Destiny Child ‘Is She The Reason’

We established what we were from jump. I understood and accepted that. All I ever wanted was him around consistently. So I figured this was cool. Im an adult. I can handle it. 

I lied to myself.

I realized that sometimes, we settle for half of someone because its better than none. He did nothing wrong. I did nothing wrong. My feelings sucker punched me like Sharkeisha. I don’t hate him. My friends do, but I don’t. He cares but he didn’t lie. He didn’t disrespect me. I disrespected myself. I was cool giving my all to someone who was giving me his minimum. I was happy to just have him close. I convinced myself were were on the same page. But we weren’t. The lines were blurred more than my vision behind the tears of utter pain. Or maybe it was blurred because I had been drinking for days. 

But what do you do when no one is wrong, only the situation is? What do you do when love isn't enough, but is damn sure is a lot? What do you do when your heart and your brain are fighting to the death and it shows in your face? You become selfish. You realize you deserve more. You don't want to be alone, but honestly, are you not alone? You're prolonging the inevitable. You have to realize you are worth more than scraps and find someone who can see that. It can be him, but thats going to take work. Hard work. You also have to realize its not your fault. Dont make anyone think you are a weak bitch. You had the capacity to love a human being despite not being in fairy tale conditions. You tried to be there for someone you thought deserved your love. I tried to love me enough for the both of us. Things is, that only sounds good on a Drake song. Jhene forgot how hard it is to love yourself just for you at times. Catchy ass lyric, unrealistic ass logic.

I was not insecure, but he gave me no security. For this I had to make the conscious effort to leave. Not because he was a horrible person, but because he was an amazing person. He was amazing, but he wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready either, but I was willing.

A man who isn’t ready to love, is a challenge. But a man who isn’t willing to love is suicide mission.

ThrowBack

I promise ill be better tomorrow. But tonight...

Hi, I'm Misery. Welcome....

“You just a nigga with good lipstick and laid hair”

That’s a direct quote from all of my homeboys. Still not sure if it’s a compliment or not. But now… I’ve accepted it. Like I said I am emo… but for the good. The stuff that impacts me negatively, I don’t say often. Why burden people? That’s what this blog is here for.

But do things get overwhelming like this for men too? I can’t imagine they cry at the thought that the person they love won’t ever play in their hair anymore.

That to sleep, they need Xanax in the medicine cabinet to replace their love that’s no longer in their bed.

That people literally say they can see the weight of the world on their shoulders when all I want is his weight on me. Period.

That they feel delusional calling what we do making love cause their not sure if the love is mutual.

They don’t wake up to tear soaked body pillows.

They don’t miss train stops trying to hold back tears because “our” song came on but they couldn’t bring themselves to go to the next song.

That Jack Daniels is their permanent rebound love.

They never dreamed of someone’s touch and woke up to a pain in their heart so deep it felt like a heart attack.

The energy it takes to put on a convincing fake smile feels like it could power an apartment. The time spent hitting “load more message” and re-reading old conversations because new ones aren’t happening, probably could rebuild the Great Wall of China. Men don’t seem like they deal with that…

But then again… Look at Drake.

Note - Sorry if this post put you in your feelings. Misery loves company. 

Don't call it a Comeback... Though it kind of is....

When I started Random Epiphanys in 2010, it was my escape. It was a way to get my feelings out. It then turned solely about relationships and when I was sad and needed to vent. I felt like a pussy. I realized earlier this year I didn’t want to do that. I was in such a good space and I wanted to share that with everyone. That’s when I also realized I had nothing to write.

Not that all my life is a Drake album, its just that I spoke about the good things. I’m not a quiet person. This blog isn’t what I hide behind to be my true self. I’m vocal and outspoken.

About the good.

About the positive.

I’m emotional, but good emotions. The bad ones… not so much. The thing I loved about my blog was it was my homegirl when my real life homegirls were busy. Or when I needed to makes sense of my own feelings and I could see it face to face.

So now I find myself upset…. And I find myself here. And I realize I ran back here like this was an old familiar joint.

Yea, this was random. Call it an epiphany.

Jades Are A Girl's Best Friend

I hate the word bitter. It’s what I never wanted to be. I still have hope for love and relationships, just not for my own. I think it’s me. The sex is always good, but the emotions.... not so much. 

I treat love like colds. When I feel it coming on, I do anything to prevent it.  Maybe I push men away, but sometimes I think I never let them get close enough in the first place. I don’t have the “one that got away” because they never really was here. I still don’t know whose fault is that. But I’m starting to think its mine. I don’t think I'm bitter though. 

Bitter is defined as characterized by intense antagonism or hostility. I been using the word jaded. It sounds prettier. Jaded is defined as dulled or satiated by overindulgence… or my favorite one “worn out wearied out, as by over work or overuse”. I think my love has been wearied. It needs a rest. 8 years of loving so hard you got so tired just kissing the person it felt like you had ran a marathon. Then putting fear aside to care about another who let the same fears you overcame, overcome your relationship… what else can you be but weary?

I stay up some nights thinking about the feeling of love, how I miss it. I wonder if what I miss was even a real reference since I never knew the person I loved. I could be clueless on all matters of the heart. Maybe that’s why it’s heavy now. It has so much in it that I refuse to let out. I may not be able to stop the outpour. Scared to see what’s been locked up in those 4 chambers for the past two and a half years. Every time I start to open the doors a bit, someone does something that slams it closed… and the pain feel like my finger was in the frame. Every time I start to let someone in, I want to tell them please don’t leave, but I’ve seen from other people, that’s what usually makes them go the quickest. I hate when #he  looks at me and I feel he can see my soul, not because I’m afraid of what he'll see… mainly because I don’t know myself and I want to know what’s in there. But then, maybe he sees nothing, just two big brown empty circles. 

Maybe that’s what scares me the most.

Pour it Up...

When you've been off and on with someone for years, and then you blink your eyes, and they are giving all of what you fought for to someone who hasn't struggled for it... theres a deeper level of hurt there. Its not that you cheated, or we didn't work.. “Its why wasn't I good enough?” You doubt your every move. 

“Was I not pretty enough, smart enough?”

“Did I not cook well enough?”

“Was my sex not pleasing enough?”

“Why when she walks in the room, you look at her like how I look at you?”

“Why was I good enough for your dick but she was worthy of your heart?”

This isn't bitter, but how can you be happy for someone when they didn't even consider your feelings? Inadequacy takes up too much room for joy to fit in. 

So now, you're in your room drinking honey jack, watching love jones, hoping for a miracle. Hoping he texts so you can go off. Every buzz you just know its him and you have the whole conversation planned out. You got points in your notes app and its. about. to. go. down.

But it isn't him. He isn't texting. Because he's happy. Home living his life, while your just reliving yours. Reliving the moments you WERE happy. Reliving the happy times because the bad ones aren't important now that you're alone. 

Im petty. Ill never deny it. I want to be happy for him but how can I when he made promise to me that he kept for her? He’s posting lines to songs under their pics on social media that he used to hum in my ear while we were in bed. Im supposed to forget that cause he did? My feelings supposed to change cause his facebook relationship status did?

Now you and your homegirls are saying things like “ I heard the ones with the best sex never get wifed..” and you reply “Makes sense why Im single” and share a good laugh, but each giggle aches at your heart... because your still searching for answers you'll never get. You can try. You can corner him and demand answers. You'll probably end up more hurt than before the conversation or naked. He’ll probably say something that makes you think he really cares about you and theres hope for y'all yet. Then he post an IG pic up and your back to square one.

Sounds familiar? Cause thats the story every time in some variation.

Theres no answer here. No epiphany. Sorry. I just turn up the TV, turn off the phone, and refill my drink.

Cheers. 

Little Wayne- The Prophet...

I got comfortable, and then I got a reality check.

Things have been going so good in my life. Like really good. Personally I wake up and thank the Lord for the life He has provided me with. A few people have told me that they could see the change… and I was ecstatic. I worked so hard. I deserved this. So, for my mental sanity… I slowed my life down a bit. I got a little comfy.

Disclaimer- I been a Wayne fan since 2004. He talks about of shit, but when you really, he spit some life lessons. Best one yet, “Don’t ever get too comfortable”

 

I was in a staff meeting. I thought I was doing well. I didn’t want to be the pushy new know it all employees. I asked a question, and it started a conversation. I thought it went well over all. Then, in a one on one with my supervisor, she said one of our upper management said during the meeting I was demur, and “didn’t exude confidence”. Wait… what? I was present and engaged. She said I was slumped over, like I was not happy to be there. In my head I said “Bitch, I got scoliosis”. However, I just replied, “Well that is definitely not the image I want to portray, I will make sure to work on that.”

In my head I’m like the manager is this mousey little heffa who really doesn’t know me. Let me get it together when she is around. I mean… I am not going to lie, I’m not the most confident but I KNOW she can’t see that… Tuh.

Backtrack to my post a few weeks ago, about the Dove video and people perception of themselves versus others. One of the most unconsciously motivating people in my life, Dunni Dollaz, sent it to me then yelled at me about the way I have been talking myself down. And when she tells you about yourself… she goes for the jugular. I had no choice but to listen. I promised myself I would do better; stop speaking the “bottomness” into existence even if I was joking. Words hold power because they are written and spoken with energy… and when that energy is in the universe, there is no take backs…

Now its story time- My old joint randomly texts me about K. Michelle and Love and Hop Hop. We always used to watch it “together” and text each other back and forth or be on the phone while it was on. We haven’t spoken in months really except a text here and there so I was shocked about this random full fledged text convo. But I guess ratchetness can bring people together. Anywhoot, the covno kind of drifts on us as it always does and he compliment me. I was taken aback but someone a lot of someones told me I don’t know how to recieve compliments well… so I responded as positive as I could in an effort to be a better person. I said, “that was a surprise… but thank you. I never knew you thought that and I appreciate it”…

 

He. Went. Off... Yes, like… Spazzed. Said I was too busy calling myself bottom to hear him. That he hated when I said that… used to beg our mutual friend to speak to me about it. I was like o_O. Why all the Africans in my life going off? Lol... I asked him why he never mentioned it… he said he did… I just refused to listen. Now he isn’t a confrontational person, so the fact he went off like that was a slap in the face. Not that he disrespected me, but I have been disrespecting myself.

So, whats the point of this post? Did I just type this to waste time in this meeting I’m in, or give you something other than the YBF or media take out to read? Nope. Well, yea… but there is more. LOL.

I’m doing a challenge and I encourage all to create your own; I have already started to work on doing things to build my confidence. Taking some public speaking courses (those can never hurt), as well as finally embracing my Rican and taking Spanish language course (que bonita bandera…).

This last challenge I thought of today is the hard one tho. I hate taking pictures… most pictures I have my friends force me to take. I never have a photo shoot on my own. Usually, I don’t think I’m even looking photo prepared. Not that I think I’m ugly, just not so beautiful that I need to take a pictures all the time. Well, that’s going to change.Im forcing myself to face… myself.  I am going to take a picture of myself every day. Whether I am made up or not. I’m not sure where or with whom I am going to share it with but I will show someone to hold myself accountable. This will be my way of evaluating if I like the way I look and if I didn’t, why didn’t I put in the effort to change it. It’s easy complaining and calling yourself bottom, but what are you doing about it? If nothing, you haven’t earned the right to complain. I own over 50 lip colors, right now I have on blistex. I have no excuse except that I have no motivation… well, this challenge is it.

I really want everyone to be great. Look at what you don’t like and change it. Complaining shouldn’t be your first resolution, because it solves nothing. This isn’t about people perception of you; this is about the perception of yourself. Your energy. Yes, it’s nice for other to see it too, but no amount of make-up, or designer clothes, or good posture can hide when you feel ugly inside.

It was nice while it lasted… *watches step as I exit out the comfort zone*

 

 

We Fall Down, But

Not my words... But definitely my thoughts. 

Turn The Radio Off.

So, something you may not know about me…. I was a Girl Scout. What, you couldn’t tell? I am efficient as hell. I mean, I only got like two badges and my family was the only ones who bought the cookies, but I definitely learned some stuff! ANYWHOOT, not the point… one of the Girl Scout songs we used to sing were “Make new friends, but keep the old. Some are silver but the others are gold.”

Clearly Drake wasn’t a Girl Scout. I love me some Drake but this “No New Friends” song is going to have people messed up and confused. Especially people who aren’t looking at the bigger picture.

Let me break it down:

Drake is a millionaire. We buy his albums, we texts our old joints to Girls Love Beyoncé, we’ve done the Drake shakey hand to at least one song. We KNOW Drake has money. Of course he doesn’t need any new friends, they probably trying to get him to pay off his school loan. But, you think he grew up with Lil Wayne and Nicki Minaj? There will never be a #ThrowbackThursday and you see him put up a 3^rd grade class picture with the board of your teachers name that someone holds in the middle, and little Dwayne Carter Jr. And Onika Maraj gonna be in overalls smiling next to a toothless Aubrey. No, he met them after he got put on. They had similar interests, they grinded together, and probably opened up to one another… and guess what?

They. Became. Friends.

I have friends that I have had since kindergarten. Quite a few actually. 22+ years of CLOSE friendship, not I been known her since 87 but we haven’t spoken since 97 type thing. I love them to death (most likely yours if you mess with them). But, as we got older, and developed into the adults we were supposed to become, we went down different paths. Friends that are married, friends that have never heard a Future song, friends that don’t watch Love and Hip Hop, friends that don’t drink.  Friends that hate interacting with people or who never have step foot in a Mac store. We have a lot NOT in common. So, as you immerse yourself in the things you love, you interact with people with similar interest, connect, and then… you stop calling because Drake said to stay loyal to your old friends and you stay home and watch reruns of Martin alone eating ice cream? NO! You cultivate, you bond, and you build.

Then you have the friends from kindergarten who no matter how much you try, you weren’t meant to grow old together. You try to love them but you spirits don’t mesh. And I’m all about a spirit girl. Some people you are just drawn to. Conversations flow, you sync. Something just clicks and every conversation just uplifts you, even if you have a conflict. And some people, it’s a chore to talk to. You never feel better talking to them… your spirit just doesn’t take to them anymore. There is always drama, an issue, or negativity. It’s draining.  But, you’d be trifling if you just cut your friend off, right? If you distance yourself for you mental wellbeing because she fought that girl for you in 15 years ago, that’s not being loyal to your “friend”, right?

Someone said on twitter “No new friends, but what if you outgrow the old?” Man Listen...

I think that people take loyalty in the wrong context. This is mainly because of balance. They do not know how to balance friends efficiently. It comes to a point that people wonder if you’ve had any friends before this new set. They get so excited with the new people they meet; they neglect the ones that have been holding them down for years.  Kind of like a new album. You’ve had The 20/20 Experience on rotate… Whens the last time you listened to Future Sex/Love Sounds? I might as well change this blog to Balance Epiphanys because I think that is literally the core of all happiness. Once you learn to create and maintain a balance in your life, you’ve reached Nirvana. I would hate for someone to stay my friend because they felt they had to stay loyal but I burden them. I’d rather they move on grow and be the best they can. There is a thin line between loyalty and stupidity, and resentment is real.  I’d rather we part on civil terms that I can still support and love you from afar, than a dramatic scenes that causes animosity  that resulted from anger building up from trying to stay loyal.

And let me not be fake, I’m guilty of the imbalance. I’ve neglected old friends for new. At one point I avoided old friends because I didn’t want to be reminded of my old life. I wanted to become a new person and live a new and better life. During this time, I’ve met some amazing people. I’ve met one of my closes t friends in the last year and a half. She’s help me grow into a different person, a better person, who is more sure and confident.  I’ve met people who inspire me and motivate me, by their actions and presence, and I have to admit I’m blessed. But not everyone can be my little care bear.

 This is what I had to learn, not everyone that’s new is better. “Some are silver but the others are gold”. When I realized running from my past, instead of learning from it, was not the answer, I stood still. I had a seat, and let my heart and mind sync back. I saw how fake some of the people i had befriended really were. People who feigned support, not because they were concerned, because they were curios. I met people who have no intention of moving forward. I meet sociopaths. I met reality.  I tell people all the time, even with baby steps, you’re still moving forward. I should add,” If you’re going in circles, even if you’re running, you’re just going nowhere fast.” Not everyone has to be your “friend”. Some people can be contacts. Associates. Use each other to advance, professionally. Some people have roles in your life, and not all are permanent, and not all are supposed to be personal. It’s only fake when you don’t make that clear. When you pretend to be a friend for advancement. When you’re deceitful and dishonest for personal gain. When you’re not genuine. When you encounter those people… please feel free to turn that mother effin Drake all the way up!

 I semi ranted, but let me bring it all together. I don’t believe in the “I’m too old to make friends” or “No new friends”.  I believe the Lord has a plan and a path and because we don’t know who plays what part in our journey. I believe everything happens for a reason, even if that reason is wisdom. I won’t block my blessings because an unfamiliar face might be delivering them.  And I won’t assume you have my best interest at heart because you knew me when I was rocking LA Gears. I won’t turn people away because I don’t want to seem disloyal, but I won’t ignore the people who were there for me through thick and thin. The people I hold dear and consider my adopted family (new or old), weren’t there when the smoke cleared… they grabbed my hand helped pull me out the fire. And I got them… No matter what Drake says.

Scout's honor.  

If you liked it then you should have put a Pin on it...

Last week on twitter, I went on a mini rant about the new CrockPot I picked up and how I was about to go crazy because I saw so many great recipes on Pinterest that i want to try immediately. I then got a barrage of questions and comments in my mentions and inbox about it. "I have a Pinterest but how are you finding recipes on it." "I never really used Pinterest " or even "What is Pinterest?"

I want to say I'm shocked but I am not. There was an article that came out the other day saying that Pinterest was the least used social media by the African Americans. You can see that here. Basically, because of the lack of interaction (commenting, @'ing and messaging), black people have no interest in Pinterest. 

I thought this was so sad. Pinterest has been on of the best things to happen to me since Google! And y'all know I'm the Google Queen. But black people haven't gotten into it. So I decided to do a quick post on a Pinterest tutorial. So, even if you decide not to partake, you know the greatness that is Pinterest. 

First- What is Pinterest?

Pinterest is a social media forum (yes it's socially media because people join and share) that allows people to put a pin on things that interest them. Pin + Interest = Pinterest... get it ? 

What can you find on Pinterest? 

There are a plethora of categories you can look through if you are looking for ideas, you can also search for specific people, places, things, or topics. 

You have things you found interest you, now what? 

You also can create boards... So you can sort your pins by topics your most interested in. My boards include Health and Beauty, Random, Food, and Inspiration. You can also create group boards so if you have an event coming up ( like a wedding or party) you can share pins and bounce ideas off of each other. You also have the option of creating private boards that only you ( or anyone you grant access to) can see... So private things can be pinned too and no one would be the wiser!

Can I only pin things from Pinterest? 

Nope, if you see something on the Internet, many sites have the red "pin it" button that allows you to pin and share on the site.

So, wait... Why is this so dope again?

If your still wondering what's so dope about this site ( I really can't understand why you would be) let me give you an example... So I bought my CrockPot (yes I'm still talking about it). I typed in "slow cooker" in the search engine on Pinterest. THOUSANDS  of recipes came up. I was amazed. And because their pictures unlike google, you can look ad see what you interested in versus reading it ( I love visuals). I learned not only can I make these easy meals, but I can make hot drinks like egg nog latte, which I love... And bake bread. Yes there was a recipe to bake bread in a slow cooker. Who knew!?!?!?

Also, with pinning on the boards, you can see something and basically have a place to store it. How many times have you seen something online that was investing but got distracted and when you tried to look at it later, could not remember where you saw it or what it was entirely about?

One of the best things I think was when Oprah ( all hail the queen) started using Pinterest for vision boards. If you don't know what vision boards are... A vision board is a tool used to help clarify, concentrate and maintain focus on a specific life goal. Literally, a vision board is any sort of board on which you display images that represent whatever you want to be, do or have in your life. I am a strong advocate for vision boards . Waking up every day last year and seeing what I wanted on some oak tag got me going every day until I reached my short term goals. Some people don't have the time to sit down and cut out pictures and magazine clippings... Plus this is 2013. This is much easier, and thorough. And I'm all for anything that's fun and can make you a better person.  

Hopefully this was helpful. Follow me on Pinterest or on Twitter @KingSio_ to see my pins or hit me with any questions! 

Happy Pinning!