Letter to my Next..

Dear Next,

Let me tell, before I even start this, the fact that you are even in my life says a lot about you. You are patient, you're kind, you are loving, smart, funny, genuine person who means a lot to me and I KNOW the sex is amazing. I am going to let you know this now, this isn't going to be easy. I been through more than you comprehend. Shit, I been through more than I can comprehend. I been built up and broken down. And I haven't been built back up again. I have no hope for marriage. Its a scary ass concept. I don't think I can love anyone more than I loved my ex. I don't think I have the capacity to give my heart wholly to someone who possible will throw it in the trash like last weeks forgotten left overs. I don't think I can look in your eyes and see my future because Id be scared I actually see it again. Id be scared to go through what i went through. Id be scared. I AM scared

But i will tell you this as well. I am going to try like shit. I am going to be here for you. I am going to give you what I have as I get it back myself. If you are actually my next, it means I trust you, I see your greatness, and most likely, my love for you has already started to form. I can't promise that I am going to fall head over heels immediately, but like I said, your patient, so please bear with me. I will support your endeavors, I will support your dreams, I will support you. I promise to wear heels while I make your steak on occasions, and that when sports are on to watch it with you without asking questions, or read a book and mind my business. I promise to follow the rule of keeping your stomach full and your nuts empty. I promise to remember all your favorite things and remember to surprise them with you as much as possible...Ill do what I can.

I just ask you a few things.

1- Please don't lie. If your gonna do that, please just leave
2- Know that I care, i just have to take my time with this. Its a lot...
3- If you have any problems,please speak to me. I may not be as receptive as you like, but I am genuinely listening
4- Know that Im trying.

This was actually hard to write, and I am sure its hard to read. If you want to leave now, I honestly understand. I am probably low-key hoping you do cause I am too scared id actually fall in love. But if you stay, and we work through this... I promise it will be worth it.

With all the love Im trying to give to you unconditionally,

She