You Know Who You Are...

Low key, this has been my personal Hell Week

I'm just glad God gave me an angel to help me get through it...

Wear it like your Skin

"Doesn't matter what a girl has on, if she not wearing confidence... Her outfit will never be complete"- ME

Yea I drop knowledge every once in a while...

I do not know one female who thinks they are perfect. 100% absolutely un-flawed perfection. If they do, they a damn liar and I wont trust them as far as I can throw them (which isn't very far since I have no upper body strength). Everyone has insecurities...

Want to know a secret? I hate my height... all 5'9 of this cafe con leche-ness... I cant stand it. If I had to choose I'd be 5'7 max. I tower over my midget friends, I look like an oger. Its crazy... I'd also like smaller thighs, smaller breast and a bigger ass...

But since I wasn't blessed with those things, dont have a genie, or an unlimited supply of money and a good plastic surgeon, I got to work with what I got.

Insecurities does not equal lack of confidence...

I know I'm a giant... but I'm still throwing on these platforms, and if you not hitting my height... then that your problem my man... I am not wearing flats in the club cause God gave me your extra inches...

My thighs aren't small, doesn't mean I am not gonna throw on this skirt and show them off... if you dont like them... look away... *shrug*

I want females to be able to accept what they think are flaws and accentuate what they like about themselves. Be confident that you look good. Carry a grace about you that you're beautiful, regardless if you dont have an ass that you can rest a Pepsi can on...

Don't go crazy and come out looking like this and think you doing it big and you the baddest bitch in the park...


But be yourself, and be confident that yourself is amazing...

How can you expect someone to think your amazing if you dont share their thoughts?

Good Girl Gone Bad

You ever heard a line but never really... like REALLY... understood it. That was my line. I heard it in Jay-Z and Rihanna songs, but its not until you live it that you understand.

I understand now.

I was always the good girl. Naivety and me were better friends than I ever knew. After January when me and my ex broke up, reality slapped me harder than Ike when Tina ain't sing the song the way he wanted her too. I didn't know what to expect, but I could of never expected this...

That relationship bubble I was in must of been made with bullet proof glass. Cause none of the ratchet shit going on penetrated through. I was so confused.

I ain't gonna lie, shit my ex- did to me hurt. Not cause I care about him (which I DID), but because I dead gave him my everything. And it wasn't good enough.

Then I fucked up and fell in like with another nigga. Maybe it was too soon. Maybe I didn't learn my lesson yet. He didn't do anything to hurt me except be a good person cause I couldn't help but care about him. So when I saw that it wasn't gonna work, I curved myself. One of my life lessons is know when to let go. You got to bow out with grace. Crazy part is I actually miss him more than I miss my ex I'd never admit it in public though. Not cause I want to be with him or anything, cause I understand that ship has sailed. But because he was a part of my life everyday for 4 months straight, and now we hardly speak... Friends to Lovers to Strangers post coming soon seem to be a common theme with me.

I asked one of my male friends "Doesn't it fuck you up a little bit knowing that when someone ask a girl the question 'Who hurt you?', that you're the answer"

He replied no without any hesitation.

And I made a vow when me and my ex first broke up to not become bitter. I feel like I'm there now. Someone told me that "being bitter is OK... staying bitter is the problem". I see their point, but I don't want to be bitter at all.

However, Old Sio is gone. The girl that actually cared has died, and an emotionless Phoenix has risen from them ashes of betrayal and naivety. How can you expect someone not change when you give them no choice?

How can you expect someone to not act strange when they dated a stranger for 8 years?

I'm not gonna hoe or anything, cause I dont have the capacity to spread my moot around like "I cant believe its not butter". Nope, not this quality moot magic... But I don't expect anything romantic. Actually, I am shying away from it. I may go on a date here and there and see where it goes...

But right now, only person I am interested in being in a relationship with is my money, and I got to make sure my bitch right before I get left.

Bottom

I ate nutella out the jar with a fork...

Ive hit bottom. Its officially official.

August 1st marked the beginning of the week that solidified that 2011 was NOT my year. Just when I thought my ex couldn't possibly get more trifling and nothing he could do would possibly faze me, the universe proves me wrong

I wont go into to details, but if you still read this blog... Fuck you.

Its just been issue after issue. I am now gainfully UNEMPLOYED even though that's semi the highlight of my week... But I don't know how to handle it. Ive been working since I was 14. 12 Years of working straight and now I dont know what to do with myself

So now I am home, eating nutella out of the jar. with a fork. in superman boxers that I am not quite sure the origin of and I am watching movies and feeling like a lowly bitch. This aint me...

Paid in Full

I love Paid in Full. Watched it Twice this weekend... As I watched the movie, as sexy as Mekhi Phifer is in it as Mitch, I want Ace. Give me the man with all the ambition, make sure anyone he cares for is good, but leads with a powerful lowkey silence...

One of my favorite parts of the movie is when they in the dinner and he says to Keisha "Why you with me. I'm boring... Why don't you get one of these flashy niggas?" and Keisha reply "I'm with you cause I'm boring too."



I want an Ace to make me boring. Y'all Can have the Mitches and Ricos

Heels, Halo, and Scambled Eggs...

Ok, so every Wednesday, me and some amazing people get together and chill. Its our way of talking about whatevas on our mind, cooking, taking a break from the weekends craziness... whateva. its spending quality time. One of the males in attendance had been watching FUSE Beyonce Takeover and he said as a direct quote...

"I need a joint to sing Halo while she scramble my eggs in the morning"

Beyonce fucking this game up for us B...Especially with this "cookbook" she got coming out...Cant knock her hustle tho

One, I cant sing. Two, I am not wearing no ones heels, and lingerie to cook breakfast every morning. Cause you gonna want something else with them eggs... like sausage, pancakes, hash browns and I don't even eat hasbrowns. Now, I'm in my stilettos slipping on oil, and ain't nothing sexy about an Emergency room visit.

As we spoke further in detail, he explained, that its nice to have his woman do something nice like that for him every once in a while, which is true... I used to do nice, thoughtful, shit stuff all the time. But it has to be reciprocated. I was speaking to the Ying to my Yang, and we both said its not the flowers or impersonal shit that's romantic to us, its the things that are thoughtful and specially tailored to us. So if you sent me a flower arrangement, if its not my favorite flowers, I hope the card got something thoughtful, cause I care about the meaning behind it. Someone might be saying "isn't it the thought that counts". Yea it is... but if you didn't but any thought into it, you should of just kept it.

So... what you will get is me in the 3 for $30 Vicki Boy shorts (those are the fancy ones), a wife beater, and some slipper socks... shaking the little cake I do got to "No hands"... You gonna get this breakfast... and I'm gonna break you off before we go to work. Yea, I'm gonna be in lingerie one day when you come home with the heels you like and treat you like the king you are to me...

But remember, once a King takes a mate, whether she was a princess or a peasant, she becomes a Queen.

I am not big on spoiling me. Never have and I doubt I ever will maybe that was one of the problems... but I like shit done for me too sometimes. I want to wake up to you in some silk boxers, or Armani Exchange boxer briefs, making me some porridge (yall know I love porridge), with Donell Jones "I wanna Love you" playing in the background.

I want a nigga to hand wash my hair with rose water in a tub surrounded by candles with Anthony Hamilton "The point of it all" wafting through the air...

Yall go to make me stop watching Single Ladies

The homegirls said I'm asking for too much. One actually said "Bitch you better be lucky he even attempting to handle that thick ass hair"

In my dreams, I'm a hopeless romantic. In life... I am a realist. I doubt this would ever happen... If it does, its probably by a nigga using my identity to launder money. But I can dream no? My homeboys fantasy will probably happen before any of mine, because that's just the way the cookie crumbs. And thats fine. Let him be happy.

My point here is just to make sure men are doing their part too. She feels just as good, if not better when you go out your way and do something special for her.

Dont ask for a Queen if you not ready to be a King

PSA...

Ive gotten texts, tweets, and now posts about the blog. I hate excuses but my computer is broken and I cant blog from my job computer. I promise I will be back soon. I have a whole lot to say... Trust.

Thank you for holding me accountable.